#2 (Not THAT #2)

Last month hubs and I had a moment of carelessness after enjoying some sake bombs on his birthday.  Cady was with her grandparents for the afternoon and we might have gone just a LITTLE crazy with our temporary freedom.  Of course as soon as I sobered up I did a total facepalm because in no way do I want to get pregnant again right now, and yeah, I stopped taking the pill like two weeks after I started it because it was counteracting my antidepressant.  Supposedly breastfeeding is decent birth control; even if you’re pumping half the time like I am it’s supposed to be like 95% effective for the first 6 months.  Plus with my history it’s not like getting pregnant again should be that easy.  Still, it feels like when Hubs and I were dating and I was constantly paranoid my birth control was going to fail me.
 
On top of that, I keep having these feelings like, “Aww, now that I know how to take care of a baby I wouldn’t mind doing it again.” And, “A second kid would really complete our family.”  HORMONES - they’ll get you, and they don’t care if you can afford another baby or even have room in your home for another baby.  Cady is barely five months old and I’m already daydreaming about #2.  And DREAMING about it too!  I haven’t had pregnancy dreams in YEARS, even when I was pregnant, but lately I’ve had several.  Last night was a particularly vivid one where I was somehow six months along and just finding out because I was showing (since I haven’t had a period in over a year, which, P.S. is the best thing EVER).
 
So yes.  I’m pretty sure I want one more, but NOT RIGHT NOW.  Maybe we’ll start trying next summer, after Cady turns one.  And then I am NOT trying for more than a year, and for my 35th birthday (the summer after next) Hubs is getting a vasectomy whether we have a second kid or not.
 
But maybe I should pee on a stick tonight.  You know, just to be sure.

My new life

I thought I had a clue what life as a parent was going to be like.  I mean, I know lots of parents, and I used to be a kid, and it’s a pretty basic function of society, what’s so mysterious about it?  In a lot of ways, I was right.  Sort of.  I knew it would be expensive, time-consuming, exhausting, adorable, and joyful.  I just didn’t know the degree to which it would be all those things and more.
 
When people said, “Having a baby changes everything,” they were absolutely right in ways I couldn’t imagine before having one.  I sort of figured my life would be somewhat similar to the way it was pre-baby, and it is to a degree, but I guess I didn’t know that having a baby would change ME as well.  The best way I can describe it is like this:  I love love LOVE Cadence, and it’s sort of like when you first fall in love with your significant other.  You want to be with them all the time and do anything you can for them.  Only, add in the fact that they depend on you for literally everything, so you also HAVE to do everything for them.  And it’s absolutely exhausting.  But you don’t mind (most of the time), because you’re in love.  And nothing else matters nearly as much as being with that baby and taking care of it.  That’s what has hit me the most about being a parent.  It didn’t hit me right away like it apparently does for some people, it came on gradually and got stronger and stronger. 
 
Because Cadence has become my favorite and most mandatory #1 priority above all else except my Hubster, lots of things have gotten pushed down my list.  Things that maybe other people think should be higher up than they currently are.  Sometimes this pisses people off.  I know the Hubs in particular gets pretty ticked when I don’t help out around the house.  I swear our roles are so reversed in this way, but a messy house doesn’t bother me as much as it bothers him, so he’s quicker to get things done while I could leave the laundry or the dishes for a couple of days before the mess starts getting to me.  Instead, I take care of the baby and get in some snuggle time. 
 
My blog followers may be ticked that I never post anymore.  Well, I will have you know that I’ve written several posts that have gone unpublished over the past few months.  I write them (sometimes at work), email them to myself or save them with the intent to review and publish them, and then... I forget as soon as I get home.  That’s another thing about having a kid – they make you forgetful.  It’s not a hormonal thing because Hubs is the same way.  For the life of us things just don’t stick like they used to, there’s just so much else taking the place of whatever we used to do!
 
And my friends may be annoyed or even hurt that I frequently forget to return their messages, sometimes until days (or even, I am sorry to say, WEEKS) later.  Although I always have the best intentions to respond within minutes of reading a text or email, half the time other things just come up.  I stop reading (or writing) in the middle of a sentence because Cady is crying or needs to be changed or fed or picked up off her play mat or is about to eat a fistful of cat hair or roll off the couch.  I never intentionally fail to respond to a message timely, but I’m sure that sometimes it comes across that way.  I have definitely turned into kind of a flake!  But at least after reading this, I hope you can see why, and maybe even cut me some slack for it.
 
Because you know what?  I’m not sure if I will ever go back to being the old me.  I hope one day soon I can figure out a kind of balance that lets me fulfill my motherly duties and desires, my wifely duties and desires, and have plenty of time leftover for myself and my friends.  That day hasn’t come yet!  And until it does I am very happy that after so many years of wishing and waiting, I can enjoy my new life and my new (and frankly friggin’ adorable) number one priority.

April 24, 2013

Yes, baby Cadence Jane is here!  Sorry for my absence, whenever she is sleeping she's usually on me and that makes it hard to type.  I've been working on this post for weeks!

Cady is a happy, healthy, and of course exceedingly adorable baby who will be six weeks old tomorrow.  She's super alert and smiles a ton, and I think she's even starting to try to laugh.  She's a great sleeper at night - we usually get about 4 hours in a row, followed by a couple of two hour stints between feedings.  Sometimes we'll get up to 6 hours straight!  Sadly she's already outgrown all of her newborn clothes, but at least she can fit into some of her super cute 3 month outfits now.

Hubs and I have been doing pretty well all thing considered (ya know, like having our lives completely flipped upside-down).  We get out of the house as often as possible and have people over whenever they request to see the baby, whether the house is clean or not.  Usually it's not.  Breast feeding was a HUGE challenge at first and Cady actually lost quite a bit of weight that first week because we were just not getting it.  I even thought I wasn't producing enough for a while and spent a week supplementing with formula.  After a couple visits with the lactation consultant though, we finally got it figured out, and except for working on getting a good latch more consistently we've pretty much mastered it.  So much for breast feeding being the most natural thing in the world!

So, birth story: 

I went into labor on a Tuesday night, not knowing what hit me. Was it real contractions, more Braxton Hicks, or just the enchiladas I had for dinner? Turned out it was real contractions. We made it to the hospital at about 4:30 a.m. Wednesday and powered through a few more hours before my mom joined us. I have to say I had an amazing team between Hubs, mom, my midwife, and the nurses.

Anyway, my labor was fairly long - 23 hours altogether, 20+ of which I made it through without any drugs, fully intending to go the distance... But that was before my midwife came in to check me and inform me that in 6 hours I'd only progressed from 6 cm to 8 cm.  Also my contractions never got closer together than 5 minutes, and they were irregular.  About every other contraction I'd have a nice strong one, followed up a minute later with a weaker one.  It was exhausting.  So after that I couldn't deal with the pain on my own anymore, and the thought of pushing that baby out made me seriously consider asking for a c-section. The midwife was suggesting Pitocin, which completely freaked me out because it makes contractions more intense and I was pretty much maxed out on intensity.  Finally I opted for the pitocin plus an epidural.  GREAT decision, by the way.  I was able to nap for about an hour without any pain until it was time to push, and pushing only took me about 20 minutes.   Four contractions and she was out, screaming her head off and already looking around trying to figure out what the hell just happened.

Stats: 

Weight: Cadence was 8 pounds even when she was born, now she is just over 9 pounds.

Length: 19.5 inches at birth, today she's about 22.5 inches long.

Hair: Yep, lots of brown hair that sticks straight up, just like her dad's!  Nope, I didn't have heartburn when I was pregnant.

Eyes: The usual dark grayish-blue at birth, today they're a little lighter but basically the same color.  (Hubs has blue eyes and mine are hazel, so I'm hoping she gets a cool eye color.)

As for me, recovery hasn't been so bad.  The first couple weeks were brutal, not being able to sit down without pain.  I had 4 stitches... inside... that was interesting!  But otherwise it's been pretty status quo.  I'm up two sizes but I don't think I look that much bigger than before I got pregnant.  I did have some pretty gnarly post partum depression for those first two weeks too. Luckily I'd already started taking my meds again so it was blessedly short lived. 

So there you have it!  I'm on maternity leave for another 4 (maybe 5) weeks.  I can't believe how fast it's going by!  Hopefully I'll be able to post more before I go back to work.  Until then, here's the cutest picture I have of CJ so far: