Okay, so remember a couple of weeks ago when I said I have some news but I wasn't quite ready to share yet? Well I still don't feel like I can do it justice but I'm dying to tell you anyway, so here goes.
My friend A and I are starting a women's group! It's something she's been thinking about doing for months, and when she asked me to help I jumped at the chance. I find it difficult to explain the purpose of the group because technically speaking, there's no specific focus. We will talk about everything and anything that's important to us, with the intention of being open to learning new things and improving ourselves by hearing the different perspectives of other members. It'll also be a place for encouragement and support in setting and reaching personal goals. Our "slogan" is Girl talk, redirected, because it's definitely all about sharing and discussing, but without the griping, drama, or negativity that can sometimes arise when women get together to gab.
I hope that didn't sound too touchy-feely. Okay, the group is kind of touchy-feely, and even though I'm generally quite the opposite, I'm excited about it! It'll be good for my personal growth to be a part of it, and helping launch it with A somehow completely meets this need I had to DO SOMETHING. Preferably something useful. We had our first trial meeting last Friday and it went really well. There's a core group of 5 of us, and we're kind of slowly inviting others to join in as A and I feel our way through this process. We want it to be fun and enjoyable, but we do have some structure to keep things organized too. We have a blog (which I'm not quite ready to share with the world yet, but I'll eventually post a link), a Twitter account, and a FB page, which we're still working on as well.
So that's the BIG thing. And I welcome any questions you might have, I'm not sure how much detail you're interested in.
Other stuff that's going on - Well for one, Hubs and I are working on improving our marriage, getting the ol' spark back and generally making our home life more fulfilling. I'm pretty excited about focusing on us - something I actually have control over! I think it will make us both a lot happier. We've been talking more about my job options as well. We determined that we can afford for me to take a job that pays a little less than what I'm making now, but that's more in line with my interests and skills. So that opens things up quite a bit and makes me feel a little hopeful. Another option is taking a stress leave while I continue to search for another job. That's not something I really want to do, but work is getting worse and worse almost every day. It's just a matter of time before something gives, I just hope that something isn't my sanity.
Thank you for the well-wishes yesterday, I'm actually feeling a lot better on the YI front today. Thank God too, I was at the point where I wanted to tear out my lady business with my fingernails for a while there! My new boss has been off my back most of today, I just have to stay off her radar for another hour and I can go home for a nice long, relaxing weekend :)
Showing posts with label issues. Show all posts
Showing posts with label issues. Show all posts
2.18.2011
2.17.2011
FML
Warning: TMI and whining ahead.
I've been going nonstop at work lately and it is catching up with me. As soon as Aunt Flo left town on Sunday I was immediately visited by her evil step-sister and my arch nemesis: Yolanda Ingrid. And because it just wouldn't be my life without Murphy's Law going into effect at every possible opprotunity, my usually fail-proof method of getting rid of YI is either not working or it's irritating my poor lady bits even more, because here we are 3 days later and I'm still absolutely miserable. Now I'm debating whether it's worth it to not medicate tonight just so I can go to the doctor tomorrow and hear, "Yup, it's a YI, and yup, your skin's irritated." But I may drive myself even crazier than I already feel if I don't go. Ugh.
So yeah, I'm at work and it's horrible just to sit down. And to stand up. And walk. ...I don't think I'm getting much done today.
On the brighter side, I was supposed to be off today and tomorrow to enjoy a nice 5 day weekend with the Hubs. Unfortunately, since we STILL haven't filled the open position in our department, that's not happening because we don't have coverage. But, I do get to take half a day off tomorrow, isn't that generous of them? And maybe, just maybe, I won't have to work on Saturday morning. For the record, Hubs still has a 5 day weekend, the lucky duck.
I guess I'll stop whining now, at least long enough to take some advil, tylenol and AZO yeast pills. And maybe a Benadryl. I wonder if I have anything stronger in my pharmacy/purse, it might make it easier to get through the day if I can be a little loopy. Just kidding... kind of.
And yes, eventually I will tell you about the GOOD things going on in my life lately. But right now I can't muster the enthusiasm.
I've been going nonstop at work lately and it is catching up with me. As soon as Aunt Flo left town on Sunday I was immediately visited by her evil step-sister and my arch nemesis: Yolanda Ingrid. And because it just wouldn't be my life without Murphy's Law going into effect at every possible opprotunity, my usually fail-proof method of getting rid of YI is either not working or it's irritating my poor lady bits even more, because here we are 3 days later and I'm still absolutely miserable. Now I'm debating whether it's worth it to not medicate tonight just so I can go to the doctor tomorrow and hear, "Yup, it's a YI, and yup, your skin's irritated." But I may drive myself even crazier than I already feel if I don't go. Ugh.
So yeah, I'm at work and it's horrible just to sit down. And to stand up. And walk. ...I don't think I'm getting much done today.
On the brighter side, I was supposed to be off today and tomorrow to enjoy a nice 5 day weekend with the Hubs. Unfortunately, since we STILL haven't filled the open position in our department, that's not happening because we don't have coverage. But, I do get to take half a day off tomorrow, isn't that generous of them? And maybe, just maybe, I won't have to work on Saturday morning. For the record, Hubs still has a 5 day weekend, the lucky duck.
I guess I'll stop whining now, at least long enough to take some advil, tylenol and AZO yeast pills. And maybe a Benadryl. I wonder if I have anything stronger in my pharmacy/purse, it might make it easier to get through the day if I can be a little loopy. Just kidding... kind of.
And yes, eventually I will tell you about the GOOD things going on in my life lately. But right now I can't muster the enthusiasm.
12.01.2010
Wednesday
Work is getting worse and worse. I heard some "unofficial" news this morning that's turning out to be just the kick in the pants I needed to start seriously looking for a new job. So tonight as I'm enjoying a HP double feature with Hubs, I'll also be updating my resume. I started working here the same month Hubs and I started TTC, and I've been miserable ever since. And more miserable with each passing year I'm here. That's just no way to live. So if I may ask, please send thoughts, prayers, hopes, whatever you've got, that I can find something where I'm happier and can still afford to pay the mortgage.
And in TTC news... ugh. It's CD10 and, not surprisingly, I am in no mood to get down to business this month. Besides that, I think my hormones have been jacked ever since my m/c. I've got a few lovely cystic zits that haven't gone away in months and flare up even bigger when I'm PMSed. Also, for the past 2 or 3 months I've been spotting after AF for days. For example, I am still spotting today. Day TEN, people! WTF. So my acu gave me some herbs that are supposed to balance out my hormones and make the spotting stop. I can only hope.
Oh - Did I tell you about the status of my ring? It was kind of on hold while I attempted to procure a stone, which I finally did last week. I ended up getting a trillion-cut blue topaz. Pretty much nothing like I was originally planning (pear-shaped ruby), but there's a reason for that. I've been seeing poppies everywhere since I decided to use that flower as a symbol for my loss (P.S. did you notice the background on my blog is poppies? I had no idea until recently). Then I happened across a gorgeous image of a bright blue poppy, which was the inspiration for the little image I made over on the right. I'm in love with just about every shade of blue, so I decided to go with a blue poppy for my symbol of remembrance rather than red. It just felt more personally meaningful. Anyway, so my friend T now has my stone and can get started making my ring!
Okay I feel much better adding that last paragraph, otherwise this post was getting seriously depressing.
Happy Hump Day, all. And happy Hanukkah to all those celebrating it :)
And in TTC news... ugh. It's CD10 and, not surprisingly, I am in no mood to get down to business this month. Besides that, I think my hormones have been jacked ever since my m/c. I've got a few lovely cystic zits that haven't gone away in months and flare up even bigger when I'm PMSed. Also, for the past 2 or 3 months I've been spotting after AF for days. For example, I am still spotting today. Day TEN, people! WTF. So my acu gave me some herbs that are supposed to balance out my hormones and make the spotting stop. I can only hope.
Oh - Did I tell you about the status of my ring? It was kind of on hold while I attempted to procure a stone, which I finally did last week. I ended up getting a trillion-cut blue topaz. Pretty much nothing like I was originally planning (pear-shaped ruby), but there's a reason for that. I've been seeing poppies everywhere since I decided to use that flower as a symbol for my loss (P.S. did you notice the background on my blog is poppies? I had no idea until recently). Then I happened across a gorgeous image of a bright blue poppy, which was the inspiration for the little image I made over on the right. I'm in love with just about every shade of blue, so I decided to go with a blue poppy for my symbol of remembrance rather than red. It just felt more personally meaningful. Anyway, so my friend T now has my stone and can get started making my ring!
Okay I feel much better adding that last paragraph, otherwise this post was getting seriously depressing.
Happy Hump Day, all. And happy Hanukkah to all those celebrating it :)
3.23.2010
I'm grumpy
Stupid neck. It hurts again. I'm heading back to the chiro after work tonight. Gotta love it!
Well I think I'm done researching acupuncturists. I've been in contact with 4 places. The really fancy one I linked to before isn't the most expensive, but it is expensive. Surprisingly, the most expensive one took the longest to call me back, called me on a cell phone while driving in her car and I could hardly understand what she was saying, and I just wasn't very impressed. I have to return one call (TODAY! I totally forgot to yesterday) and then I can make a decision on which one I will be frequenting. Oh yeah, we also have to look at the budget to see where we're going to be cutting back. --Insert bitter comment here about the cost of conceiving a child --
I'm officially done with Clomid, and I really want to take E's advice and just BD every other day rather than hassle with (and stress over) OPKs... but on the other hand I want to see whether I get a strong + this C due to the Clomid. That is sort of important to know, since it's my first (though possibly only) time using it, right? Please say no, then I can just skip the OPKs without any guilt!!
Time for this day to move a little faster. I can't wait to get my neck adjusted and mobile again.
Well I think I'm done researching acupuncturists. I've been in contact with 4 places. The really fancy one I linked to before isn't the most expensive, but it is expensive. Surprisingly, the most expensive one took the longest to call me back, called me on a cell phone while driving in her car and I could hardly understand what she was saying, and I just wasn't very impressed. I have to return one call (TODAY! I totally forgot to yesterday) and then I can make a decision on which one I will be frequenting. Oh yeah, we also have to look at the budget to see where we're going to be cutting back. --Insert bitter comment here about the cost of conceiving a child --
I'm officially done with Clomid, and I really want to take E's advice and just BD every other day rather than hassle with (and stress over) OPKs... but on the other hand I want to see whether I get a strong + this C due to the Clomid. That is sort of important to know, since it's my first (though possibly only) time using it, right? Please say no, then I can just skip the OPKs without any guilt!!
Time for this day to move a little faster. I can't wait to get my neck adjusted and mobile again.
3.04.2010
Drumming my fingers...
Did I get a + OPK last night you ask? Why, no. No I did not. I'm still getting almost positives, but they seem like they've all been the same shade for the past 3 days. I'll keep testing but I'm starting to get annoyed!! You see, this is why I don't temp, even OPKs drive me batty and I usually only use them a few days out of the month!
^J^ to answer your question, I am taking B vitamins because I think my LP is on the short side, and B6 is supposed to help lengthen it. Plus I get the added bonus of the B complex helping reduce my anxiety. You can see how well THAT'S working out, though... ;)
Something wacky is going on with my guts the past few months. I'm really hoping it's just my crappy diet finally catching up with me, but I'm a tiny bit concerned it could be related to my lap. At least twice since the lap (in Dec) I've gotten this stabbing pain throughout my lower abdomen/pelvic region, front and back (but it seemed to radiate from my, er... lower digestive tract, to put it delicately). It happened going home from work last night and it about killed me; sitting down was the worst, which was really inconvenient seeing as I was driving. Thankfully it pretty much went away after half an hour or so, then this morning there was some... um... unpleasantness which may have been related. It's just very strange. I'm going to keep track of what I've been eating and what time of the month it is when it happens from now on.
Hey! It's Thursday! Only one more day of waking up before dawn until the weekend...
^J^ to answer your question, I am taking B vitamins because I think my LP is on the short side, and B6 is supposed to help lengthen it. Plus I get the added bonus of the B complex helping reduce my anxiety. You can see how well THAT'S working out, though... ;)
Something wacky is going on with my guts the past few months. I'm really hoping it's just my crappy diet finally catching up with me, but I'm a tiny bit concerned it could be related to my lap. At least twice since the lap (in Dec) I've gotten this stabbing pain throughout my lower abdomen/pelvic region, front and back (but it seemed to radiate from my, er... lower digestive tract, to put it delicately). It happened going home from work last night and it about killed me; sitting down was the worst, which was really inconvenient seeing as I was driving. Thankfully it pretty much went away after half an hour or so, then this morning there was some... um... unpleasantness which may have been related. It's just very strange. I'm going to keep track of what I've been eating and what time of the month it is when it happens from now on.
Hey! It's Thursday! Only one more day of waking up before dawn until the weekend...
12.21.2009
Nooooo!!! (And the weekend)
I had a horrible night's sleep last night. That often happens on Sunday nights though, I'm sure it's usually anxiety-related. Well last night I woke up early with the chills. I could not get comfortable - I was either too cold or too hot. Then I had (TMI) what can only be described as "mud-butt" when I finally got up. YUCK. And I still can't get comfortable, I'm a little sweaty, too hot and too cold. The worst part is, one of my underlings called in sick today because she and both her kids have the stomach flu! So now I'm all paranoid that I'm getting sick. I brought my Emergen-C to work with me, but I doubt it will help if it is the stomach flu. I'm hoping it's just a coincidence because usually the flu hits fast and hard, and except for the hot flashes I'm not really feeling too bad. So maybe it's just PMS. Let's hope!! Send me some wellness vibes please!
This weekend was another quickie, wasn't it? Saturday hubs took me to see Ne.w Mo.on. He is so funny - I was whining to him the other day about how we never go to the movies anymore (and I LOVE going to the movies). On his days off during the week he'll go see the guy flicks that I don't want to see, but we don't go see anything together. So on Friday he said, "Do you want me to take you to see Ne.w Mo.on tomorrow?" Aww, what a guy!! Granted, he did make several hilariously snarky comments throughout the movie, but I think there was enough "action" to hold his attention a little bit. Afterwards we went out and finished our Christmas shopping and finally got our cards printed, so those are going in the mail today. Then we capped the day off by going to a friend's Christmas party.
I decided I'm giving my underlings cookies and brownies and whatnot instead of gifts, now that there are 4 of them, so on Sunday I spent almost the whole day at my parents' house baking with my mom (and also drinking wine, hehe). We made quite the variety - there are 3 kinds of cookies, brownies with mint chocolate candy topping, these super yummy pumpkin squares, cupcakes, triple chocolate cherry cake/squares, and fudge. And we were worried we wouldn't have enough!
I have my post-op appointment today, so I get to leave work at 3:00. My incisions are still sore, especially my belly button, but other than that I'm feeling pretty good. I'm not too swollen anymore so that's nice, I can almost wear my regular jeans again!
Okay I'm going to go take my Emergen-C because I just noticed that it says it has electrolytes, and that's always good when your intestines are working overtime. So it can't hurt, right? I hope it helps...
Happy Monday, for those of you working this week - I hope it goes by fast!!
This weekend was another quickie, wasn't it? Saturday hubs took me to see Ne.w Mo.on. He is so funny - I was whining to him the other day about how we never go to the movies anymore (and I LOVE going to the movies). On his days off during the week he'll go see the guy flicks that I don't want to see, but we don't go see anything together. So on Friday he said, "Do you want me to take you to see Ne.w Mo.on tomorrow?" Aww, what a guy!! Granted, he did make several hilariously snarky comments throughout the movie, but I think there was enough "action" to hold his attention a little bit. Afterwards we went out and finished our Christmas shopping and finally got our cards printed, so those are going in the mail today. Then we capped the day off by going to a friend's Christmas party.
I decided I'm giving my underlings cookies and brownies and whatnot instead of gifts, now that there are 4 of them, so on Sunday I spent almost the whole day at my parents' house baking with my mom (and also drinking wine, hehe). We made quite the variety - there are 3 kinds of cookies, brownies with mint chocolate candy topping, these super yummy pumpkin squares, cupcakes, triple chocolate cherry cake/squares, and fudge. And we were worried we wouldn't have enough!
I have my post-op appointment today, so I get to leave work at 3:00. My incisions are still sore, especially my belly button, but other than that I'm feeling pretty good. I'm not too swollen anymore so that's nice, I can almost wear my regular jeans again!
Okay I'm going to go take my Emergen-C because I just noticed that it says it has electrolytes, and that's always good when your intestines are working overtime. So it can't hurt, right? I hope it helps...
Happy Monday, for those of you working this week - I hope it goes by fast!!
11.19.2009
Pain in the neck
Thanks for everyone's comments yesterday (and today)! It's funny, I always think that So Cal is different, weather-wise (we all know it's "different" in many other ways), from the rest of the country. I imagine it's rainy or snowy everywhere else this time of year, but it seems like the weather is actually pretty similar. Except in Australia of course! 104 degrees, Mrs. Bee! I feel for you!
I finally got a good night's sleep last night for the first time this week, and I woke up with a kink in my neck. Ouch! By the time I finished drying my hair it hurt all over, and by the time I got to work it hurt just to move my head. Sigh. I am so sick of my neck acting up!
I was able to make an appt with the chiro for after work today, thank goodness. Having one adjustment really does help quite a bit, but I think I may have to go in for a few visits this time, because I seem to keep jacking my neck up a lot lately.
I know my problem is exacerbated by stress and lack of exercise. I am just too lazy to get my butt in gear, and too poor to get a gym membership with a trainer to keep me in line! How do you get motivated? Unfortunately hubs and I feed off each other's laziness, so I'm on my own I guess.
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Okay, about this whole "positive thinking" thing - I'm over it!! I have been obsessing over every bodily change this C and I'm driving myself crazy. My bbs are still sore, but maybe not as sore as before. Other than that, I've had a little cramping, but nothing really of note. Ugh... I'm sure it all means nothing, but I can't stop thinking about it and it's starting to depress me. I just know it's going to end badly. AF is due on Thanksgiving and although I normally don't, I'm thinking of testing on Wednesday just to get the BFN out of the way.
At least it's Thursday, although I gotta tell you, I feel like this week should have ended twice already!
I finally got a good night's sleep last night for the first time this week, and I woke up with a kink in my neck. Ouch! By the time I finished drying my hair it hurt all over, and by the time I got to work it hurt just to move my head. Sigh. I am so sick of my neck acting up!
I was able to make an appt with the chiro for after work today, thank goodness. Having one adjustment really does help quite a bit, but I think I may have to go in for a few visits this time, because I seem to keep jacking my neck up a lot lately.
I know my problem is exacerbated by stress and lack of exercise. I am just too lazy to get my butt in gear, and too poor to get a gym membership with a trainer to keep me in line! How do you get motivated? Unfortunately hubs and I feed off each other's laziness, so I'm on my own I guess.
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Okay, about this whole "positive thinking" thing - I'm over it!! I have been obsessing over every bodily change this C and I'm driving myself crazy. My bbs are still sore, but maybe not as sore as before. Other than that, I've had a little cramping, but nothing really of note. Ugh... I'm sure it all means nothing, but I can't stop thinking about it and it's starting to depress me. I just know it's going to end badly. AF is due on Thanksgiving and although I normally don't, I'm thinking of testing on Wednesday just to get the BFN out of the way.
At least it's Thursday, although I gotta tell you, I feel like this week should have ended twice already!
9.29.2009
She'll be comin' 'round the mountain...
Okay, yes, now that I thought about what CD I'm on, I can't stop thinking about it.
Today is CD29. I'm crampier today than I have been the past few days, and my boobs hurt less than they did yesterday, so my guess is AF will be here any time now.
I spent the past 2 weeks expecting (but not obsessing over) AF and not getting sad about it. Today, however, I am sad. I hate AF. I hate it every single month. Sometimes I scream in my head, "If I can't get pregnant, what's the point of having a period?!" I bleed for 7 or 8 days every month, I have painful cramps for 3 days, and the icing on the cake: for the past 4 or 5 months I've broken out into a rash on my lady parts that doesn't heal until a week after AF is gone. All that insult added on to the proof that I am still not pregnant.
I went out and bought a Diva Cup last night. For those I confused yesterday - yes, it's like the Instead menstrual cup, it just happens to be the only brand my local store carries. Since tampons and pads have become equally irritating, I'm hoping that the cup will help alleviate that. I also picked up some brand of more "natural" pads, so hopefully they'll be less irritating than the standard kinds.
I spent $50 on feminine hygiene last night, and while I was at the store I walked right past two very pregnant women. Oh yeah, and all the feminine hygiene products were in the same aisle as the baby products. Thanks for that, Lassen's! That sure does NOT make me want to go out and slit my wrists! (Don't worry, that's just the hormones talking. I'm not really suicidal.)
Well, sorry for the downer post. I'll pick myself up off the ground in a day or two. Tonight I'm getting new glasses, so that will be nice. Then I'll probably enjoy some vodka. Yep. That should do it.
Today is CD29. I'm crampier today than I have been the past few days, and my boobs hurt less than they did yesterday, so my guess is AF will be here any time now.
I spent the past 2 weeks expecting (but not obsessing over) AF and not getting sad about it. Today, however, I am sad. I hate AF. I hate it every single month. Sometimes I scream in my head, "If I can't get pregnant, what's the point of having a period?!" I bleed for 7 or 8 days every month, I have painful cramps for 3 days, and the icing on the cake: for the past 4 or 5 months I've broken out into a rash on my lady parts that doesn't heal until a week after AF is gone. All that insult added on to the proof that I am still not pregnant.
I went out and bought a Diva Cup last night. For those I confused yesterday - yes, it's like the Instead menstrual cup, it just happens to be the only brand my local store carries. Since tampons and pads have become equally irritating, I'm hoping that the cup will help alleviate that. I also picked up some brand of more "natural" pads, so hopefully they'll be less irritating than the standard kinds.
I spent $50 on feminine hygiene last night, and while I was at the store I walked right past two very pregnant women. Oh yeah, and all the feminine hygiene products were in the same aisle as the baby products. Thanks for that, Lassen's! That sure does NOT make me want to go out and slit my wrists! (Don't worry, that's just the hormones talking. I'm not really suicidal.)
Well, sorry for the downer post. I'll pick myself up off the ground in a day or two. Tonight I'm getting new glasses, so that will be nice. Then I'll probably enjoy some vodka. Yep. That should do it.
9.04.2009
Vacation, all I ever wanted!
(First I have to apologize - I haven't been a good commenter lately, but I have been reading everyone's posts. I'm sending all our new BFPs extra sticky vibes, everyone in the 2ww extra positive vibes, ((((Hugs)))) to you ladies going through tough and tumultuous times, and wishing everyone a wonderful three day weekend.)
Okay, it's officially hit me - the vacation excitement!
I've been stressing about getting everything done for our trip all week, but today I'm just excited. It's my last day of work for two whole weeks! Hopefully it goes by smoothly and I get everything done that I need to. I should, there's not a whole lot on my list.
We took the car in to get the stereo installed and tinting done last night, and it will be ready after work today. I can't wait to see it - and drive it! It'll almost be like having a new car again.
There are still TONS of things to do for the trip, but I'm confident we'll get everything done tonight and tomorrow.
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Also - an update on my delicate parts (since I'm sure you were all impatiently awaiting an update) - Still irritated, but much better since I switched from pads to 'pons. I guess my body doesn't like those pads at all! My skin is so dry it has actually cracked and bled. I'm thinking of trying some kind of "natural" or alternative form of feminine hygiene product. Tampons are irritating and make my cramps worse the first 3 days, and pads irritate the hell out of my skin... What's a girl to do?? I'm taking suggestions!
Okay, gonna get some work done. I will post again shortly with a link to my other blog for those of you who want to follow along on our road trip. I decided to just keep it on my family-friendly one rather than creating another. You ladies are pretty trustworthy I think! ;)
Happy three-day-weekend Friday!!!
Okay, it's officially hit me - the vacation excitement!
I've been stressing about getting everything done for our trip all week, but today I'm just excited. It's my last day of work for two whole weeks! Hopefully it goes by smoothly and I get everything done that I need to. I should, there's not a whole lot on my list.
We took the car in to get the stereo installed and tinting done last night, and it will be ready after work today. I can't wait to see it - and drive it! It'll almost be like having a new car again.
There are still TONS of things to do for the trip, but I'm confident we'll get everything done tonight and tomorrow.
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Also - an update on my delicate parts (since I'm sure you were all impatiently awaiting an update) - Still irritated, but much better since I switched from pads to 'pons. I guess my body doesn't like those pads at all! My skin is so dry it has actually cracked and bled. I'm thinking of trying some kind of "natural" or alternative form of feminine hygiene product. Tampons are irritating and make my cramps worse the first 3 days, and pads irritate the hell out of my skin... What's a girl to do?? I'm taking suggestions!
Okay, gonna get some work done. I will post again shortly with a link to my other blog for those of you who want to follow along on our road trip. I decided to just keep it on my family-friendly one rather than creating another. You ladies are pretty trustworthy I think! ;)
Happy three-day-weekend Friday!!!
9.03.2009
Shrink wrap-up
(My sincerest apologies for the awful, wretched title!)
Well, I'm not too sure what I think of my therapist. Our meeting didn't really "flow" very naturally, it felt a little forced. But it was only the first session, so maybe it will get better? I'm of the opinion that if you don't feel like you're getting anything out of your shrink after the first 3 visits, then find another one. So I'll see how it goes next time (after we get back from vacation) and go from there.
We talked about a lot of things, but a couple things that stand out:
-Because I'm such a worrier, she suggested I put some time aside each day for worrying. That way if I start stressing about something during the day, I can tell myself that I'll worry about it later. Not sure how much that will work for me, but I guess it's worth a try.
-She told me she has 2 kids and that it took her over a year to conceive each of them. Then she started talking in a way that sounded like she thinks I'm just stressing too much and that's what's keeping me from getting pg. Ugh. Yes, I know. That's probably the last thing I wanted to hear out of her. For now though, and since I do need help with managing stress anyway, I am giving her the benefit of the doubt that she's just ignorant.
Overall, I wasn't really impressed. She did give me that one suggestion that I would never have thought of myself, and I will try it out over the next couple weeks. I'll also think of some more specific things I want to talk about, and maybe that will help kind of guide the next session a little better. I'm expecting I might have to find someone else though. We'll see, I'm not going to worry about it right now!
Well, I'm not too sure what I think of my therapist. Our meeting didn't really "flow" very naturally, it felt a little forced. But it was only the first session, so maybe it will get better? I'm of the opinion that if you don't feel like you're getting anything out of your shrink after the first 3 visits, then find another one. So I'll see how it goes next time (after we get back from vacation) and go from there.
We talked about a lot of things, but a couple things that stand out:
-Because I'm such a worrier, she suggested I put some time aside each day for worrying. That way if I start stressing about something during the day, I can tell myself that I'll worry about it later. Not sure how much that will work for me, but I guess it's worth a try.
-She told me she has 2 kids and that it took her over a year to conceive each of them. Then she started talking in a way that sounded like she thinks I'm just stressing too much and that's what's keeping me from getting pg. Ugh. Yes, I know. That's probably the last thing I wanted to hear out of her. For now though, and since I do need help with managing stress anyway, I am giving her the benefit of the doubt that she's just ignorant.
Overall, I wasn't really impressed. She did give me that one suggestion that I would never have thought of myself, and I will try it out over the next couple weeks. I'll also think of some more specific things I want to talk about, and maybe that will help kind of guide the next session a little better. I'm expecting I might have to find someone else though. We'll see, I'm not going to worry about it right now!
8.29.2009
Well I feel sheepish
Sooo... I am a huge overreacter (overreactor?).
Turns out I don't have BV, no infection at all. Just some extra CM randomly hanging out at a weird time of the month... How embarrassing!
My doc does think that stress is the main culprit for my recurrent infections though, and I tend to agree. So, shrink on Wednesday, more exercise, and less freaking out are my RX.
(You all have permission to slap me silly for my craziness the past couple days.)
AND! I fully intend to get back on the TTC wagon next C. We'll be on our road trip, so most likely no OPK's, but lots of BD! AF should be here around Monday. Bring it on, witch!
8.28.2009
Better
Thank you everyone for your kind and reassuring comments!
I have calmed down a lot.
I found out my insurance won't cover any cultures/labs that Dr. H sends in, regardless of what lab they're sent to. And I called Dr. H to confirm that yes, he will most likely want to do lab work. I just don't want to rack up medical bills over this, so I got an appointment at 3:30 at my GP on a cancellation (and with the NP I really like). I'll just give her the rundown on everything I've taken for the BV thus far, and let her know what Dr. H said about it. The best part is, hubs has an appointment with her at 3:00, and he's getting himself checked out to see if he might be contributing to my issues. So I can probably get her opinion on that too.
Whew! I feel a lot more comfortable with this plan. Even though I am a TINY bit worried about leaving the doctor that is more familiar with this case, if worse comes to worst I can always try going back to him later, right? Might as well go the cheaper route first.
I have calmed down a lot.
I found out my insurance won't cover any cultures/labs that Dr. H sends in, regardless of what lab they're sent to. And I called Dr. H to confirm that yes, he will most likely want to do lab work. I just don't want to rack up medical bills over this, so I got an appointment at 3:30 at my GP on a cancellation (and with the NP I really like). I'll just give her the rundown on everything I've taken for the BV thus far, and let her know what Dr. H said about it. The best part is, hubs has an appointment with her at 3:00, and he's getting himself checked out to see if he might be contributing to my issues. So I can probably get her opinion on that too.
Whew! I feel a lot more comfortable with this plan. Even though I am a TINY bit worried about leaving the doctor that is more familiar with this case, if worse comes to worst I can always try going back to him later, right? Might as well go the cheaper route first.
I need to calm down!
I'm a blogaholic lately. And the worst part is I have nothing interesting to say! I apologize for that. I just need the release.
I got a call back from my doctor and he wants me to come in today. I got the last appt of the day, so I'm only missing 1 hour of work.
BUT, the damn doctor put a thought in my head last time I was there - that because the BV isn't responding so well to the normal antibiotics there's a chance that it could be an STD. WTF? He said something to the effect of, "I know you trust your husband, but we also see pregnant girls come in who swear they've never had sex before." I wasn't really worrying about it until right now! I started having a little anxiety attack earlier, and of course that though sprung into my head and made it 10 times worse! Luckily I took a Xanax in time and am feeling human again.
I have to remember that other than the doctor putting that seed of doubt in my head, that I've had no suspicions at all about hubs being unfaithful. And I know the doctor has to do what he can to narrow down the possibilities and make a diagnosis. This isn't the first time a doctor has freaked me out about possible STDs either, and of course, nothing ever came of it before. However I am starting to rethink my decision of going back to this doctor :P If I want to be insulted and abused I'd rather just pay my crappy co-pay and not full price out of pocket, thank you very much!
Anyway, I am so glad I'm seeing a shrink next week. And I'm starting to open up to the idea of getting back on meds for anxiety and depression, so we'll see about that. AND I can't wait for my vacation! Damn I need a break.
I got a call back from my doctor and he wants me to come in today. I got the last appt of the day, so I'm only missing 1 hour of work.
BUT, the damn doctor put a thought in my head last time I was there - that because the BV isn't responding so well to the normal antibiotics there's a chance that it could be an STD. WTF? He said something to the effect of, "I know you trust your husband, but we also see pregnant girls come in who swear they've never had sex before." I wasn't really worrying about it until right now! I started having a little anxiety attack earlier, and of course that though sprung into my head and made it 10 times worse! Luckily I took a Xanax in time and am feeling human again.
I have to remember that other than the doctor putting that seed of doubt in my head, that I've had no suspicions at all about hubs being unfaithful. And I know the doctor has to do what he can to narrow down the possibilities and make a diagnosis. This isn't the first time a doctor has freaked me out about possible STDs either, and of course, nothing ever came of it before. However I am starting to rethink my decision of going back to this doctor :P If I want to be insulted and abused I'd rather just pay my crappy co-pay and not full price out of pocket, thank you very much!
Anyway, I am so glad I'm seeing a shrink next week. And I'm starting to open up to the idea of getting back on meds for anxiety and depression, so we'll see about that. AND I can't wait for my vacation! Damn I need a break.
8.27.2009
Continued
Well, my doctor isn't in today, and since I've never even met the other doctor in his practice they won't do anything over the phone for me, and he doesn't have any appts today anyway. Also, my doctor has no appointments tomorrow. The nurse is going to talk to him first thing in the morning and call me back. I am not going to hold my breath. AF is due Monday, so there isn't much I can do.
Oh - I just remembered, my GP has Saturday hours. Whew. I feel a tiny bit better now.
Oh - I just remembered, my GP has Saturday hours. Whew. I feel a tiny bit better now.
Too much
This day could get worse. But if it does, I might have to jump.
1. One of the changes at work that I mentioned the other day happened today. Layoffs - 10% reduction in staff company-wide. We lost one person from the larger department that my tiny department is a part of. Yes, I knew it was coming, but it's still stressful, especially for my two employees. Neither is in any immediate danger of losing her job, but they're both extremely wary in general. Throw in a layoff and they tend to assume the worst and stress themselves out like crazy. Not that I blame them, I've been on the receiving end of layoffs before, so I'm stressing too, just not as much as they are. Luckily it's a pretty busy day so they're not dwelling on it too much.
2. We're having a party on Saturday for hubs' birthday, and I haven't done one damn thing for it yet. I still have to clean the whole house (and it really needs it), buy all the food and supplies, and gather all the borrowed chairs and tables we'll need. But I can't do any of that today because we're going out to dinner with the in-laws to celebrate. So I'll have to do it all tomorrow after work. Ugh. And okay, my MIL kinda ticked me off with the whole dinner thing. She emailed my SIL (it's BIL's birthday celebration too) and I about it a couple days ago, asking what we thought about doing dinner, and after we both responded, she never did. Hubs called her yesterday to see what was up, and she was still up in the air about it. She finally sent an email at 10:30 last night with the plans and a request for us to RSVP. *Smacks forehead*
3. Last but not least, my infection is back, right on schedule! I finished the antibiotics almost a week ago, and that seems to be the cutoff for me. I am beyond pissed, frustrated, disgusted, hopeless... I'll be calling the doctor again as soon as they get back from lunch, and hubs is calling his, too. I keep wondering if it has to do with his relatively high (but within "normal" range) semen pH. It is 8. Then again, whenever I was using RepHresh, which is supposed to balance out vaginal pH, I still wound up with BV. So who the fuck knows. It could be worse though, right? Hubs is soooo incredibly understanding about it, I am really lucky in that respect. But my hopes for TTC again anytime soon are going down the drain, which is probably what bothers me the most.
Ugh okay. Calling the doctor and going to lunch now. Let's hope the afternoon looks better than the morning.
1. One of the changes at work that I mentioned the other day happened today. Layoffs - 10% reduction in staff company-wide. We lost one person from the larger department that my tiny department is a part of. Yes, I knew it was coming, but it's still stressful, especially for my two employees. Neither is in any immediate danger of losing her job, but they're both extremely wary in general. Throw in a layoff and they tend to assume the worst and stress themselves out like crazy. Not that I blame them, I've been on the receiving end of layoffs before, so I'm stressing too, just not as much as they are. Luckily it's a pretty busy day so they're not dwelling on it too much.
2. We're having a party on Saturday for hubs' birthday, and I haven't done one damn thing for it yet. I still have to clean the whole house (and it really needs it), buy all the food and supplies, and gather all the borrowed chairs and tables we'll need. But I can't do any of that today because we're going out to dinner with the in-laws to celebrate. So I'll have to do it all tomorrow after work. Ugh. And okay, my MIL kinda ticked me off with the whole dinner thing. She emailed my SIL (it's BIL's birthday celebration too) and I about it a couple days ago, asking what we thought about doing dinner, and after we both responded, she never did. Hubs called her yesterday to see what was up, and she was still up in the air about it. She finally sent an email at 10:30 last night with the plans and a request for us to RSVP. *Smacks forehead*
3. Last but not least, my infection is back, right on schedule! I finished the antibiotics almost a week ago, and that seems to be the cutoff for me. I am beyond pissed, frustrated, disgusted, hopeless... I'll be calling the doctor again as soon as they get back from lunch, and hubs is calling his, too. I keep wondering if it has to do with his relatively high (but within "normal" range) semen pH. It is 8. Then again, whenever I was using RepHresh, which is supposed to balance out vaginal pH, I still wound up with BV. So who the fuck knows. It could be worse though, right? Hubs is soooo incredibly understanding about it, I am really lucky in that respect. But my hopes for TTC again anytime soon are going down the drain, which is probably what bothers me the most.
Ugh okay. Calling the doctor and going to lunch now. Let's hope the afternoon looks better than the morning.
8.26.2009
Shrinkage
Okay. I did it.
It took me 4 phone calls, but I finally got an appointment with a therapist. The only one who's female and covered by my insurance in the area I work in, AND she has appointments available after work. It must be fate.
She seemed very nice on the phone, too. The other one I played phone tag with sounded so cold and impersonal. I know it was just a voicemail, but I'm sorry, it turned me off. I like friendly, mom-type therapists. This one seems kinda like that. We even laughed a little.
I hope it works out and that I like her in person. We'll see next Wednesday!
It took me 4 phone calls, but I finally got an appointment with a therapist. The only one who's female and covered by my insurance in the area I work in, AND she has appointments available after work. It must be fate.
She seemed very nice on the phone, too. The other one I played phone tag with sounded so cold and impersonal. I know it was just a voicemail, but I'm sorry, it turned me off. I like friendly, mom-type therapists. This one seems kinda like that. We even laughed a little.
I hope it works out and that I like her in person. We'll see next Wednesday!
8.18.2009
My brain
I still haven't called any of the therapists on my list. I keep thinking, "I'll do it on my way to work," or, "on my way home," but then it slips my mind. Oops. Even though the past few days have been relatively smooth sailing for me, I know I still need to get on it. I have so many thoughts going through my head today about TTC. Here's a random sampling:
I keep wanting to "come out of the closet," so to speak. I mean, most everyone knows we've been TTC for as long as we have, but I guess I'm just a little riled up that it doesn't seem to register on anyone's radar. My family's in particular. Mostly I'm still annoyed that no one bothers to ask how we are. But also, I read somewhere that infertility becomes part of the family's history, and now I'm realizing how true that is. What if my problem really is something hereditary, like endo? I think about my 3 nieces and wonder if infertility will touch any of them. And I wonder, if it was my sister going through this and not me, wouldn't I at least be interested to know whether it could affect my progeny? Maybe not, maybe I'd just rather not think about it. I wish I could talk to my aunt (or my cousin, her daughter, who's a couple years older than me and child free after 4 years of marriage) about it, but I'm not close to her at all, and I don't even know what I'd say.
I am so sick of my pregnant cube-neighbor. She's stopped blaming her bitchiness on her hormones, which is nice, but she's due in just a few weeks so now I get to listen to every single conversation of every single person that walks between us wanting to know how she's feeling, when's the due date, does she know if it's a boy or girl, how great she looks, how was her shower, bla bla bla bla bla. Oh, and can someone please tell me, is there some kind of pregnancy hormone that causes you voice to increase in volume when you're talking on the phone? I swear she's gotten twice as loud in the past two months. I've decided that I don't think everything happens for a reason, but I do believe my desk was placed directly across from hers as a special punishment for something I must have done! Thank God she's going on maternity leave at the end of the week.
Alright, I better find a therapist before I go ballistic...
I keep wanting to "come out of the closet," so to speak. I mean, most everyone knows we've been TTC for as long as we have, but I guess I'm just a little riled up that it doesn't seem to register on anyone's radar. My family's in particular. Mostly I'm still annoyed that no one bothers to ask how we are. But also, I read somewhere that infertility becomes part of the family's history, and now I'm realizing how true that is. What if my problem really is something hereditary, like endo? I think about my 3 nieces and wonder if infertility will touch any of them. And I wonder, if it was my sister going through this and not me, wouldn't I at least be interested to know whether it could affect my progeny? Maybe not, maybe I'd just rather not think about it. I wish I could talk to my aunt (or my cousin, her daughter, who's a couple years older than me and child free after 4 years of marriage) about it, but I'm not close to her at all, and I don't even know what I'd say.
I am so sick of my pregnant cube-neighbor. She's stopped blaming her bitchiness on her hormones, which is nice, but she's due in just a few weeks so now I get to listen to every single conversation of every single person that walks between us wanting to know how she's feeling, when's the due date, does she know if it's a boy or girl, how great she looks, how was her shower, bla bla bla bla bla. Oh, and can someone please tell me, is there some kind of pregnancy hormone that causes you voice to increase in volume when you're talking on the phone? I swear she's gotten twice as loud in the past two months. I've decided that I don't think everything happens for a reason, but I do believe my desk was placed directly across from hers as a special punishment for something I must have done! Thank God she's going on maternity leave at the end of the week.
Alright, I better find a therapist before I go ballistic...
8.14.2009
A new outlook, hopefully
I'm trying really hard not to let this get me down, but I'm 99% sure the BV is back. It's been 2 weeks since I was last at the doctor's office. He's calling me in a new RX (the disgusting, messy, gel stuff. YUCK), but at least I don't have to go in and pay another $70 for a stirrup ride. Normally, I would go in, just so I could have that extra 1% of certainty. But, I'm trying to trust my judgment that it's probably not YI, and the doc's judgment for being sure enough of the symptoms I described to just call in the RX.
So because I am starting to believe that stress is causing, or at least perpetuating, these problems, I'm trying to remain calm. It's not the end of the world, and it could be worse.
Hubs and I haven't DTD in weeks, and let me tell you, it sucks for both of us. He's been so understanding and kind about it, but it's still very frustrating. A) I feel like I'm a bad wife and B) There's obviously no way I can get pg now, so time's a-wastin'. Plus C) I am addicted to blogging and the boards, but I have nothing TTC-related to post, so I feel a little out of place. KWIM?
I'm trying to put it in perspective though. Everyone has problems that they have to deal with, and this is what I've been handed. Stressing about it isn't going to help matters, and it might even be making it worse, so I better just get a grip already.
Steph - I think I will pick up those stress vitamins tonight, thanks for mentioning it! :) I have a list of three shrinks that my insurance covers (the only three that were women), so I'll be calling them up today too. And I'm going to start getting more active TONIGHT. I was even a good girl and brought a banana for my breakfast this morning. It's time to get whatever I can under control and healthy, and hopefully the "healthy" will extend to the parts I can't seem to control. It is worth a shot.
So because I am starting to believe that stress is causing, or at least perpetuating, these problems, I'm trying to remain calm. It's not the end of the world, and it could be worse.
Hubs and I haven't DTD in weeks, and let me tell you, it sucks for both of us. He's been so understanding and kind about it, but it's still very frustrating. A) I feel like I'm a bad wife and B) There's obviously no way I can get pg now, so time's a-wastin'. Plus C) I am addicted to blogging and the boards, but I have nothing TTC-related to post, so I feel a little out of place. KWIM?
I'm trying to put it in perspective though. Everyone has problems that they have to deal with, and this is what I've been handed. Stressing about it isn't going to help matters, and it might even be making it worse, so I better just get a grip already.
Steph - I think I will pick up those stress vitamins tonight, thanks for mentioning it! :) I have a list of three shrinks that my insurance covers (the only three that were women), so I'll be calling them up today too. And I'm going to start getting more active TONIGHT. I was even a good girl and brought a banana for my breakfast this morning. It's time to get whatever I can under control and healthy, and hopefully the "healthy" will extend to the parts I can't seem to control. It is worth a shot.
8.13.2009
Bundle of nerves
That's me!
I've always been a worrier, a pessimist, an over-stresser. Heck, one of my employees actually gave me this for Christmas! It is quite fitting, and I love it. :)
But it seems my stress is catching up with me. My doctor (well, NP) thinks my headache is actually a tension headache, because I didn't have all the classic migraine signs (no nausea and only mild sensitivity to light). She then asked if I've been under a lot of stress lately and I started crying. I think that answers that question.
She suggested I see a therapist and start exercising again. I've been very lethargic lately, not wanting to do anything and not wanting to do nothing. I'm pretty sure I'm on the brink of depression again, which sucks. I'll be looking for a therapist this week, hopefully insurance will cover something, lord knows it doesn't do much else for me.
Now to get motivated... We canceled our gym memberships a few months ago and our neighborhood isn't the best for walking/biking (no sidewalks and a lot of traffic). I have a yoga DVD but I feel like I should get outside. I suppose I could go to the beach or the park. Any suggestions? What do you ladies like to do for exercise?
I've always been a worrier, a pessimist, an over-stresser. Heck, one of my employees actually gave me this for Christmas! It is quite fitting, and I love it. :)
But it seems my stress is catching up with me. My doctor (well, NP) thinks my headache is actually a tension headache, because I didn't have all the classic migraine signs (no nausea and only mild sensitivity to light). She then asked if I've been under a lot of stress lately and I started crying. I think that answers that question.
She suggested I see a therapist and start exercising again. I've been very lethargic lately, not wanting to do anything and not wanting to do nothing. I'm pretty sure I'm on the brink of depression again, which sucks. I'll be looking for a therapist this week, hopefully insurance will cover something, lord knows it doesn't do much else for me.
Now to get motivated... We canceled our gym memberships a few months ago and our neighborhood isn't the best for walking/biking (no sidewalks and a lot of traffic). I have a yoga DVD but I feel like I should get outside. I suppose I could go to the beach or the park. Any suggestions? What do you ladies like to do for exercise?
8.12.2009
Migraine
Today is day 3 of the killer headache from hell.
I finally called the doctor since Excedrin Migraine, Excedrine Tension Headache, and Tylenol can't seem to knock it out. They all help, but there is always some lingering pain until they wear off, and then I'm dying again. So I have an appointment first thing tomorrow.
Now that I called the doc, it will probably miraculously stop hurting!
Not that I care, as long as it's GONE.
Can I please just be well for a few months now? I think I am overdue.
I finally called the doctor since Excedrin Migraine, Excedrine Tension Headache, and Tylenol can't seem to knock it out. They all help, but there is always some lingering pain until they wear off, and then I'm dying again. So I have an appointment first thing tomorrow.
Now that I called the doc, it will probably miraculously stop hurting!
Not that I care, as long as it's GONE.
Can I please just be well for a few months now? I think I am overdue.
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