I'm feeling a little emotional today, thanks to the impending arrival of my least favorite aunt.
Last night my family all got together for my mom's birthday and it was a really nice time. Towards the end of the evening my sister, who is 41 and has 4 children and who I strongly suspect laments the fact that she won't be having any more, starts getting starry-eyed looking at my brother's 6 month old daughter. Then, as she sometimes does, she began waxing nostalgic about her pregnancies and deliveries and how much weight she gained (a lot). Sigh. I'm not proud to tell you that at that point I turned to Hubs, smiled and said so everyone could hear, "I didn't gain any weight during my pregnancy." Blessedly, my mom and dad laughed and no one seemed offended, but really? Did I need to say that? Sure my sister didn't say a single word to me about my miscarriage when it happened or ever after, but that was months ago and I've let it go (uhhh, mostly). The point is, this is my family and I very much feel like I'm missing out on a huge part of being a happy family because I can't have kids, and no one understands that feeling but me and Hubs.
I know, I know: every family has their issues, and probably a good 50% of society feels like the black sheep of the family. In fact, I'm 99.9% sure that my three siblings all feel like the black sheep of our family too. So what the hell am I bitching about?
I guess I'm just trying to muddle through this reality of mine. A few months ago I wondered when I would accept the fact that I probably won't ever get pregnant and have a baby the old-fashioned way, if at all. Now I'm almost there. Or maybe I am there, but it still hurts. (And it hurts extra when my hormones are a-raging somewhere around day 28 of my cycle.)
Back in August, in the midst of the shit-storm aftermath of my miscarriage, I had an opportunity to sit down and talk with the mother of my oldest friend in the world - we've literally known each other since we were babies. My friend had told her mom about my miscarriage, so while I was at her home having her alter one of my bridesmaid dresses, she asked if I had a minute to talk. As a new bride, 30-something years ago, she'd also discovered she was infertile. In fact, she had endometriosis so bad that she had to have a hysterectomy at age 25, having never been pregnant. Eight years after marrying, she and her husband adopted my friend and enjoyed a very happy life. Then about five years ago her husband got sick. It took several months to discover he had ALS (Lou Gherig's disease) and a couple years later this once healthy, vibrant man passed away. After talking about all this, my friend's mom asked me very evenly, "Did you ever think life was going to turn out like this?"
Nope, I never for a single minute expected my life to turn out the way it has, in almost every way. I suspect that's the case for many, many people. But I'm learning to accept the disappointments and be extra grateful for the lucky surprises. Sometimes I guess I just need to remind myself of that.
4.07.2011
4.06.2011
Infertiles - Spread the word
PETA has announced a new campaign "in honor" of National Infertility Awareness Week - spay or neuter your pet and you could win a free vasectomy! In true PETA style, they've completely missed the point of NIAW and instead raised the ire of many a struggling Infertile such as myself. How incredibly tasteless, insulting, and insensitive of them (but from what I've heard of PETA that's par for the course).
Luckily there's something we can do! Go here to sign the petition like I did, demanding PETA issue an apology and remove the link to NIAW from their campaign. Last I saw we still need 700+ signatures. So get busy! And tell your friends!
Want that link again? Okay here it is! Now go, it takes less than a minute.
Oh yeah, and if you want to tell PETA what you think, email Ingrid Newkirk, their president at: ingridn@peta.org.
Thank you to The Barrenness for bringing this to my attention, and a huge thanks to Keiko Zoll for starting the petition.
Luckily there's something we can do! Go here to sign the petition like I did, demanding PETA issue an apology and remove the link to NIAW from their campaign. Last I saw we still need 700+ signatures. So get busy! And tell your friends!
Want that link again? Okay here it is! Now go, it takes less than a minute.
Oh yeah, and if you want to tell PETA what you think, email Ingrid Newkirk, their president at: ingridn@peta.org.
Thank you to The Barrenness for bringing this to my attention, and a huge thanks to Keiko Zoll for starting the petition.
4.04.2011
Backyard bliss
Oh Monday, how I loathe thee. I especially loathe thee when you're ringing in another six day workweek like you are today. And particularly when that week is leading up to conversion weekend for one of our new acquisitions. I have a feeling the crazy around here is going to hit critical mass very soon.
Until then, I'm taking advantage of the relative quiet to tell you about my backyard projects. You lucky ducks, you.
I'm proud to annouce that Hubs and I are officially farmers now! Check out our fields - expanding all the way out to the distant horizon:
Okay so it's only a 4'x8' veggie garden, but if you look at it head-on while lying on the ground it goes on as far as the eye can see!
We followed these instructions by Sunset magazine except for the part where they suggest buying individual bags of soil; instead we went to our local garden shop and got a truckbed full of bulk soil for much cheaper. You can barely see them in this photo, but there are four holes to attach two arched PVC pipes over the width of the bed, which we then drape with a net to keep the birds and cats out. We also went a step further and added screws that stick out about 1/4" all around the base to secure the netting.
With any luck we'll be harvesting our crops in about 2-3 months! I've been daydreaming about hosting a backyard dinner party featuring veggies from our garden, so hopefully at least some of them will take. We planted butter lettuce, zucchini, cucumbers, green onions, and carrots, and next weekend we're adding a tomato plant. Should make for a really delicious salad!
For my next trick I'm going to try to get Hubs started on building a pergola to put over/near our fire pit. Aside from farming and throwing a dinner party, my other backyard dream is to have a sort of outdoor living room complete with pretty furniture and drapes for some privacy. Ahh... well, a gal can dream, right? The furniture will probably have to wait since it can be pretty pricey, but building the bones shouldn't be too expensive and we're loving Sunset's straightforward instructions on all these projects we've been wanting to do.
Most of our weekend was spent outside, and in addition to completing the veggie garden I also cleared a boatload of grass from one of my planters. Super exciting and I discovered what happens after I spend an entire afternoon kneeling on the ground digging in the dirt. Answer: I spend the entire evening sitting in the recliner unable to move. The planter looks about a thousand times better though so I guess in the end it was worth the pain.
All these backyard projects are making me really excited about warmer weather. I'm in a little bit of denial that it's still only early April; I keep thinking that by now it should be consistently warmer out than it is! I'm ready for summer NOW; why can't it just cooperate and show up already?
Until then, I'm taking advantage of the relative quiet to tell you about my backyard projects. You lucky ducks, you.
I'm proud to annouce that Hubs and I are officially farmers now! Check out our fields - expanding all the way out to the distant horizon:
We followed these instructions by Sunset magazine except for the part where they suggest buying individual bags of soil; instead we went to our local garden shop and got a truckbed full of bulk soil for much cheaper. You can barely see them in this photo, but there are four holes to attach two arched PVC pipes over the width of the bed, which we then drape with a net to keep the birds and cats out. We also went a step further and added screws that stick out about 1/4" all around the base to secure the netting.
With any luck we'll be harvesting our crops in about 2-3 months! I've been daydreaming about hosting a backyard dinner party featuring veggies from our garden, so hopefully at least some of them will take. We planted butter lettuce, zucchini, cucumbers, green onions, and carrots, and next weekend we're adding a tomato plant. Should make for a really delicious salad!
For my next trick I'm going to try to get Hubs started on building a pergola to put over/near our fire pit. Aside from farming and throwing a dinner party, my other backyard dream is to have a sort of outdoor living room complete with pretty furniture and drapes for some privacy. Ahh... well, a gal can dream, right? The furniture will probably have to wait since it can be pretty pricey, but building the bones shouldn't be too expensive and we're loving Sunset's straightforward instructions on all these projects we've been wanting to do.
Most of our weekend was spent outside, and in addition to completing the veggie garden I also cleared a boatload of grass from one of my planters. Super exciting and I discovered what happens after I spend an entire afternoon kneeling on the ground digging in the dirt. Answer: I spend the entire evening sitting in the recliner unable to move. The planter looks about a thousand times better though so I guess in the end it was worth the pain.
All these backyard projects are making me really excited about warmer weather. I'm in a little bit of denial that it's still only early April; I keep thinking that by now it should be consistently warmer out than it is! I'm ready for summer NOW; why can't it just cooperate and show up already?
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