Back x2

Back from vacation and back from Summer Vacation!

I've been infection-free for about a month now, knock on wood, so if all stays well this month (AF is due next week) looks like I'll be back in the TTC saddle next month. Hubs and I did manage to get some FD action in around O time, so who knows? I'm not holding my breath though, I'll just be happy if my parts stay healthy for a little while. I really believe that whole mess was stress-related, and I'm determined to keep my stress levels lower from now on. Vacation helped a lot; coming back to work however, has definitely not! I do believe I'll be browsing for a new job very soon, I'm pretty much over this place. Waking up and absolutely DREADING the day doesn't do much for a healthy mental state.

I did a lot of thinking on vacation. No hardcore, soul-searching stuff, I just kind of let myself think, if that makes any sense. I wasn't trying to figure anything out or analyze anything, I just thought...

One thing I thought about was all the reasons I want to be a mom. There have been many times that I've wondered whether I really want a child, or if I just want the excitement of getting pregnant. Now I'm sure that I actually want children, not just a baby in the belly, and it's a strange relief to finally, and honestly, come to that realization.

I also thought about this whole TTC thing... and I think it's time to just let go; to realize I don't have any control over getting pregnant, and to just have fun with my husband. We'll still change our insurance at the end of the year, but I don't know yet when we'll pursue any fertility treatments. At least for now I'd like to just enjoy trying - for the first time since we started trying! It's just another facet of my high stress level that I need to mellow out on before I can add any more pressure to the situation.

Anyway, vacation was great, I'm feeling somewhat refreshed, and hopefully I can move forward with a new outlook now. :)