Good-bye, three day weekend... sniff

They go by so fast don't they? On Friday at 4:30 I'm full of anticipation and hope for the 3 glorious days to come... and then on Monday night I'm wondering where all those days went!

Most of the weekend was great, hubs and I got to catch up with several friends between a birthday party on Friday night, breakfast with some friends on Saturday, and dinner and the game on Sunday. Oh - and bridesmaid dress shopping yesterday (which was both fun and a tad exhausting). Seems like we've gotten ourselves stuck in a rut lately, and have been spending way too much time at home alone. So it was really nice to mix things up and get out of the house this weekend. Of course, that means next weekend I'll be CLEANING... but what can you do?

Unfortunately, there was also a low point this weekend. I'll give you two guesses what it had to do with.

Hubs's brother and SIL had a birthday party for our two nieces (sisters) on Saturday. The older one turned 4 and the younger, 1. I thought I'd be able to hold it together with hubs by my side this time. We had fun buying presents, and the party started off well - hubs was too cute "flying" the baby around on a pillow. His nieces absolutely LOVE him. Then people started showing up... and kept showing up. There were so many people! And almost all of them had small children - little preschoolers and babies were EVERYWHERE. I lasted less than two hours before I felt the tears start welling up and we had to make our escape.

I had a meltdown when we got back home. There were so many emotions going through me. Of course, feeling sad and empty about IF, but also guilty for leaving the party early. Not only because we made such a quick exit and didn't say good-bye to our hosts, but because we missed out on our nieces opening their gifts, the one-year-old eating her first piece of cake, and just generally having fun. I cheated myself and hubs out of a nice moment in our family's lives. I also felt horrible knowing that MIL knew why we left and wondered if she pitied me or judged me for it. Hopefully (and probably) neither, but I can't stop those thoughts from forming.

I guess I know now to expect that child-centered events are never going to be easy. There are some people who can handle them, but I'm not one of those people. I really don't want to skip out on everything, though, especially family events. But I think I'll just have to give myself a break. Tell myself I only have to stay an hour or however long I can make it, and not beat myself up for leaving early when I need to. I need to be nicer to myself. The guilt really gets to me.

Anyway, now I'm gearing up for O time. Today is CD 15 and no positive OPK yet. That's normal though, I usually get a + around CD 16 or 17. I'm doubling up on my green tea too, gotta do what it takes! I also told hubs that tonight is "no TV night." We watch WAY too much TV, and in effect, are not really spending much quality time together. That makes it particularly hard to get in the mood for any kind of D (BD or FD). I'm not putting any pressure on this C, but I'm secretly hoping this is the C, because I'm not really looking forward to getting a LAP!

Time to get some work done. At least it's not Monday! And it's raining, that is always pleasant :)