Just some stuff

Yeah so I still haven't gotten my kids' schedule together. Sickness has been tearing through our home for the past few weeks and at this point I'm just like, screw it, we're not schedule people. As long I get the tykes outside for an hour a day and we all get away from home once a week we're good! I haven't started running again yet but I bought a new sports bra and athletic socks so I'm like halfway there, right?

In other news, Southern California has enjoyed some actual seasons this year, and for once I'm super excited that spring has arrived! Normally spring to me is just another 3 months of waiting for summer, because winter isn't usually much of a real season around here. But since we got all kinds of rain for a few months spring has signaled the end of soggy season and I for one am excited to see the sun again, even though it's not hot just yet. And I'm making plans! I just love making plans! Cadence's 4th birthday is approaching very quickly, only a month away now, so there's a birthday party to arrange and class cupcakes to bake. Easter should be fun too. I'm not real sure how to include Max in the festivities, but honestly he'll probably be content just watching his sister and cousins get all hopped up on sugar and run wild. We're also going to try to get to the beach to camp for a weekend toward the end of April. We took a drive to scout the local campgrounds yesterday and it was so beautiful out that we wound up playing at the beach for the afternoon. Hopefully next month will be as nice!

The job hunt continues. Sigh. I had a moment recently where I felt that I was actually getting pretty good at SAHM-hood, and like I could do it indefinitely... And now I kind of just want Hubs to find a job where he can make more money (he works at a big bank and has been applying for branch manager positions) and let me off the hook. But the reality is we are going into massive amounts of debt on one income and he hasn't gotten a huge promotion yet, so hunt I must. In the meantime I'm also doing some work for my dad, who owns a small business basically making probiotics for exotic fish ponds. There is some potential for me to partner up with him, and if I can help increase sales and clientele I may be able to make enough money just doing that. Which means mostly working from home, and honestly not a whole lot of actual work at that.

On a related note, I have a little rant about the job hunt. (For those with delicate sensibilities, beware of falling F-bombs.) What in the actual fuck is with employers these days? I swear I never in my dating life got ghosted by men the way I'm getting ghosted by hiring managers AFTER I interview. I've even been sending follow-up emails - tastefully and infrequently (like maybe 2 emails after each interview, 1 or 2 weeks apart) - thanking them for their time and asking what the status is on making a decision, and...crickets. So fucking rude! Now it's been 3 months since I had a great interview with the first employer, and 2 since the 2nd, and I still haven't gotten so much as a "thanks but no thanks" from either of them. This really pisses me off. I can't stand inconsiderate people, and this behavior is super inconsiderate. How hard is it to send an email saying, "We picked someone else, sucker."

Okay. I'm done now. Just had to get that off my chest!


Best laid plans of mice

I've been doing some research about how to be a better SAHM. And by "research" I mean I googled it and read one article. But I think it had some pretty solid advice, and of course the first thing I should do is make a schedule. So I'm giving myself a week to get a preliminary schedule together. I started working on it yesterday and was not prepared for what a pain in the ass it already is. I figured I'd start with school days (MWF) since those mornings are already pretty much done, that way I only have to plan out afternoons. I have hit a few roadblocks though, specifically that Max's nap times conflict with Cadence's tired times, which leads to excessive screen time, which leads to tantrums when I suggest turning the screen off, which leads to mommy wanting to start drinking.

But hey I have all week to figure out how to make it work without becoming an alcoholic!

I did manage to decide that on Thursdays we'll get out and do something fun and different for the tykes. This week we're going to the zoo and I'm finally going to renew my membership so we can go whenever we feel like it and not break the bank. There are plenty of free outdoor things to do around here but since we're having such a wet winter I need to find some more free/cheap indoor things.

The other thing I want to start doing is to get back into running. I felt so much happier and physically better when I was running regularly, but like everything else lately it's so hard to make it part of my routine. I did run yesterday actually! I'd decided that taking a walk to the supermarket would be more fun than driving there, so I put on my running shoes, loaded the kids into the stroller, and set out! Everyone was having a pretty good time until Max got overwhelmed at the store and promptly began screaming almost as soon as we got there. I finished up as quickly as I could and then ran the whole way back home, pausing only to let the one jiggly front wheel straighten out every now and then. Yep, he cried the whole way. And if I'm ever dumb enough to try that again I'm definitely going to use the jogger instead of the Winnebago sit and stand stroller. But we made it out of the house, I got some exercise, and I have enough food for 3 more dinners. So all in all I'll call it a success. Meanwhile I'm planning to sign up for a 5K so I have something besides my baby's freak-outs to motivate me to keep running.

It's a start, right? I feel accomplished already!


I suck at this

Okay so I'm just now figuring out how to moderate comments again. I'm so excited to have readers and that everyone didn't fall off the face of the Earth! Thank you!

Last week was another gnarly week of torrential rain and sickness here.  Cadence has been bringing home every virus that makes the rounds at preschool, and try as I might I have yet to prevent Max from catching everything she gets (with the blessed exception of the stomach bug she had a couple weeks ago). Bonus: he tends to stay sicker longer than she does, and although he's much better the past couple days than he was last week, we're currently on day 12 or 13 of this cold and cough and green mucusy gross-fest resulting in a fussy tired baby who somehow doesn't want to sleep. Oh and did I mention he's teething again too?

Now that the rain is on hiatus I've been making an effort to get out more though. Today we went to the library to check out some books and probably some new germs too. But at least I got to see the inside of a building other than my house. 

I seriously need to figure out how to be a better SAHM. Who knows when I'll land a job. I for sure thought I'd be gainfully employed by now, but since it hasn't happened I'm realizing it could still be a while and it's getting real hard to stay optimistic. Meanwhile I'm stuck inside most of the time with two sick kids and no money to spend on fun stuff even when they're well. And let's be honest, even at the best of times I'd prefer working at a nice desk job surrounded by adults and being intellectually stimulated than wiping butts and coloring and watching cartoons and arguing with a very dramatic 3 year old about why Girl Scout cookies aren't an acceptable breakfast item.

See, I'm good at being employed. I'm smart, I'm great with computers, and I'm a fantastic coworker. I even look for actual work to do when I have down time (usually). And when I'm employed I'm a better mom too. But man, I suck at being a SAHM. I just can't seem to get it together, to be organized enough so my kids are on a stimulating schedule that keeps them (and me) happy. I lose my patience a lot, like when my preschooler asks me over and over for something after I've told her no, and I absolutely lose my shit when that line of questioning eventually dissolves into (her) tears and cries for DADDY! As if he would be on her side, seriously. I'm exhausted by having to be "on" 24 hours a day. Max is on the move big time and of course puts everything in his mouth. He has blowouts like I never thought possible and barfs on the floor and then crawls through it on a daily basis. Did I mention he weighs over 25 pounds? It's a lot to pick him up and clean him off and he freaks whenever I change his clothes.

I am tired. I miss having coworkers and sitting at a desk and meeting deadlines and writing policies and business emails and taking the time to get the details right in training materials. And mostly I miss feeling like I was doing something I was good at and actually enjoyed.

I'm gonna put some serious thought into how I can be a happier and better SAHM. I need to get better at it.