Here we go

It is officially the Holiday Season, and it just wouldn't be the holiday season if there wasn't a little drama to deal with.  Every year I try so hard to avoid pissing anyone off, and every year I seem to overlook one tiny little key detail.  This year's detail:  Make sure I invite myself to Thanksgiving dinner.

As usual, dinner was being held at my sister's house and my MIL's house.  Hubs and I planned to dine at my sister's and have dessert at MIL's.  This has been our tradition since we got married (or maybe before) because my sister and her family are Jewish and always take off to the mountains the week of Christmas, thus TG is the only time we see them for the holidays.  So my family gets priority on TG and his family gets priority for Christmas. 

This week was extremely busy.  Hubs had to work every day except Wednesday and Thursday; meanwhile I spent all of last weekend helping one of my besties and her family set up for a bridal shower at their house, Monday hanging out with another of my besties who'd just returned from a 3 week trip to Europe, and Tuesday making caramel apples with a friend all day and pies with the in-laws all night.  Then Wednesday Hubs was really excited about going to the L.A. auto show so there went another day (I'm kidding, it was actually a really good time).  My house has certainly borne the brunt of my absence and desperately needs cleaning!

It wasn't until Wednesday evening as we drove home from L.A. that I realized I'd never heard from my sister about what time TG dinner would be.  Assuming she'd be busy prepping for the big day, I texted my older brother to see if he'd heard from her.  The answer was yes.  He told me he'd talked to her the day before and that it would start at 3:00 but that he and his family would be arriving around 4:00.  Since I knew that my brother et al were indeed planning to eat dinner at our sister's and not with his wife's family, I (stupidly, it turns out) took this to mean that dinner would start at 4:00, with people starting to arrive at 3:00, and Hubs and I accordingly planned to arrive around 3:30.

Of course on TG day we were running late.  And I was having a bad day as it was, a little irritated that my sister never bothered to call or email or text me the time for dinner.  So when my brother's wife texted me at 3:35 asking if we were coming, and saying that everyone already ate dinner at 3:00, I lost it.  I tried really hard not to cry because my eye makeup looked fabulous, and because I didn't want to overreact.  But I couldn't help it.  Yes, there was still plenty of food left, but the whole point of TG is to eat with your family, not to pick over the remnants after everyone else was done with dinner.  And let's face it, I felt flat-out overlooked.  Somehow the rest of my family made it there on time to eat (even my brother who said he was arriving at 4), and it wasn't until they were done eating that they looked around the table and thought, "Huh.  I wonder if Kit's coming."

After going back and forth about it several times, Hubs and I decided not to go to my sister's, but to eat dinner with his family at 4:30 instead.  I wear my heart on my sleeve, and I knew if we went to my sister's I wouldn't be able to hide my feelings.  (The reasons why I can't/don't share my feelings with my sister would require their own lengthy post.)  So I called my mom to let her know we wanted to see her and my dad and that I'd call again after dinner to see where they were.  She tried to talk me into coming to my sister's, but to no avail.

Dinner with my in-laws was great.  It was the kind of scene I remembered from childhood holidays at my grandparents' house - siblings, aunts, uncles and cousins all wandering around, drinking and snacking and mingling.  Mom and Dad putting the finishing touches on dinner (albeit quite a bit later than 4:30).  Everyone in a great mood and having a great time.  After participating for a while in all the bustle, Hubs and I even had a quiet moment on a couch in the corner, and just watched everyone mill around the house as we nostalgically reminisced about our youths.  It was almost perfect.

By the time dinner was over and the party was winding down it was already after 8:00, so I called my mom, as promised, and found out she and my dad were still at my sister's house.  Hubs and I headed over with me still a little tense over the situation.  Not that I should have been worried because both my mom and my sister were fairly inebriated by that point and probably wouldn't have noticed even if I'd said or done something rude.  We made our obligatory appearance and I held back when my sister's husband asked how we got the time wrong.  What I wanted to say was, "Because your wife doesn't find it useful or necessary to actually invite guests to her holiday dinners."  What I actually said was a very brieft, tepid version of the truth.  Not once did my sister acknowledge that it could have been even partially her mistake for not communicating.  She just said how great it was that both our family and my in-laws live in town so Hubs and I didn't have to miss out on TG dinner. 

So now we move forth head-on into the holiday madness.  Tonight is TG dinner #3 with the rest of Hubs's family, next will be a tree-decorating party, followed by a Christmas party, Christmas Eve dinner, Christmas morning brunch, and two Christmas day dinners.  There's still plenty of time for more drama!



It's been a little while since the Hubs and I have discussed our family building plans.  When we quit TTC in January I really didn't even have time to think about it with all the BS going on at work, so it was easy to live life as if kids would never be in the picture.  Now that I've been on FUNemployment for about 2.5 months I realize... I actually have a helluva lot of time to think about it.  (Which hasn't been great the past 2 months with AF being LATE both times... not that I'm bitter or anything.)  At first it really sucked.  I was bummed about getting my period (LATE), even though we technically weren't trying.  And even though he agreed that we technically weren't trying, it's been fairly obvious that I'm not the only one in my marriage who harbors a secret desire to be a parent.

Queue my parents.

Is that weird?  LOL

I've had a couple of opportunities to have some one-on-one time with my dad since I've been FUNemployed, as he's retired and my mom is still working.  Last week we went to lunch and he brought up the subject of IF and family building.  (Sidenote: Oddly enough it's never, ever my mom that asks how I'm doing in that department, only my dad.)  Specifically he asked what our plans were.  I told him we haven't been talking much about it lately and plans have basically stalled.  After all being unemployed is not the ideal time to have a baby or bring a child into our lives.  He didn't say much about it after that, but later that night he texted me.  He told me that his offer still stands regarding paying for IF treatments, and that he knows a good mom when he raises one.

Queue the waterworks.

For the record, and because it's relevant, he and my mom have also offered to pay for adoption in the past.  So, not surprisingly, all this information got Hubs and me talking about children once again.  In fact, it didn't take us long to come to the conclusion that we want to pursue adoption.  We are really close to being debt-free, and once that happens (probably in about a year) we are going to start the adoption process. 

Queue the applause!

So I guess you could say I'm an expectant mother at this point.  Although I don't expect to have a child for another couple of years!  I've already had a friend offer (nay, demand) to throw me a shower when the time comes.  And I've already started talking to my oldest friend in the world, who happens to be adopted, about it.  I love that I'm surrounded by such supportive friends and family! 

Of course, I have many, many thoughts and emotions going on in my head since making this decision.  I worry that Hubs might not be as happy with an adopted child as he might have been with a biological one, especially if we aren't able to adopt an infant.  I worry that my parents will want to be more involved in the child's upbringing than we'd want them to be, since they're fronting the money that will make the child ours.  I worry about adopting a little boy, and Hubs's family not being accepting of an adopted child as the "heir" to the family name (so far the name dies with Hubs's generation).  I worry about how to handle the potential emotional issues of an adopted child (e.g. fears of abandonment, etc.).  Some of my worries are probably irrational.  I can't seriously see my in-laws rejecting or treating an adopted child as "less-than."  And most of my fears can probably be resolved through candid conversations.  I just have to take this one step at a time.  And right now, we are on step ZERO.  I have plenty of time to figure this all out!  For now, I am just going to be excited in knowing that parenthood is practically a guarantee for my future.



A day

I'm having a rough day and I can't quite put my finger on why.

The weekend was very nice.  Hubs and I went on our first ever camping trip alone, up north a couple of hours to a campground we'd never been to before.  It was beautiful with tall spindly pine trees and the biggest eucalyptus trees you've ever seen, right next to an ocean lagoon and estuary.  The trip was kind of an adventure between not having any power in the camper we borrowed from my parents, my coming down with a cold on the drive up, and AF showing up on Saturday... four days late... just as I was beginning to convince myself that I could be pregnant...

On second thought, that last thing might be part of why I'm having a rough day today.

I am tired.  AF is kicking my butt and my cold is still lingering, although it's getting a little better every day.  I guess I really did get my hopes up about the possibility of being pg, as stupid of me as that obviously was.  Hubs has been a bit more vocal than usual about his desire for kids lately.  He even says he hopes I can stay on unemployment for the maximum amount of time (assuming Congress decides to pass the extension benefits again at the end of the year, fingers crossed) just so we can keep having lots of sex and I can hopefully get pregnant.  Huh.  Well it's a nice hope anyway.

Speaking of unemployment, yep I'm still on it with no real job prospects on the horizon.  Which is probably another reason for my bad mood today.  I keep telling myself I can't make the jobs appear and I can't make employers call me.  All I can do is keep my resume looking as good as possible and keep sending it out anywhere I can.  Not that FUNemployment has ceased being fun.  Obviously our camping trip was a good time, and it's very nice having plenty of time to keep house, work on projects, and generally goof off (ah, I'm talking about you, PINTEREST).

Now, you haven't heard from me in a month and it sounds like I'm just as depressed and pessimistic as I was before I escaped from the 7th circle of hell, but that isn't true.  I just decided to come here at a bad time!  I've actually gotten to be a lot more positive over the past couple of months, and definitely a LOT less stressed.  I can tell because the jeans I'd shrunk out of a few months ago fit snugly again, my acne has cleared up almost completely (hallelujia!), and I finally feel like if I found a job right now I could actually stomach going to work!  Next time I write a post I'll make sure I'm in a better mood so I can prove how happy I really am.  ;)