Chill mode

Christmas was definitely as hectic and dramalicious as ever, but overall it was good.  I'd even go so far as to say it was really good.  I scored a super sweet new camera from the Hubs, our first really decent one, and have been playing paparazzi for the past three days.  He and I also got to be the star auntie and uncle for bringing the biggest gift for two of our nieces.  I love that about kids - it doesn't matter so much what's inside the huge package as long as it's huge and it's theirs.  (It was one of those cardboard castles that they can color.)  But the best part about Christmas was when my SIL D and I were chatting as the day drew to an end, and she sort of asked and sort of told me that she and BIL had chosen Hubs and me to be godparents for their younger daughter.  I guess they kind of forgot to ask us three years ago when she was born, but who the hell cares?  I'm a godmother :)  How freakin' cool is that??

In other, much less interesting news, I'm sick again.  More coughing and stuffiness, but now I also have a pretty awesome case of laringitis that makes me sound like a sexy three-pack-a-day stripper.  I'm sure it will come in handy tomorrow when I go in for my second interview!  Hopefully they'll be able to understand me.  And hopefully I don't hack anything up on anyone...

Since yesterday was spent back at the in-laws' opening more presents together, today is the first day Hubs and I can just veg out at home and really unwind.  I'm thinking a nap will be in order later on, possibly preceded by eating a lunch that someone else makes for me.  Happy end of Christmas!


The most ___ time of the year

It is so sad how "down" the holiday season seems to be for most Infertiles.  In years past, I definitely felt the dark cloud of IF overshadow my holidays.  That isn't the case so much this year, but still, thanks to family members who are unwilling to be understanding about the struggles of splitting holidays between dozens of people, I have the Christmas blues.

I was actually doing okay even though I spent almost half of December laid up with back pain and sickness.  I was excited about the gifts I got for Hubs and my nieces.  I was able to look past the unavoidable hecticness of Christmas Eve and Day, and looked forward to our romantic getaway a few days after.  But then my older brother vented his frustrations with coordinating holiday plans to me the other day, which, of course I am more than sympathetic with and I was honestly happy to be a listening ear for him.  It just reminded me what a pain in the ass it inevitably is, and how I'm really just trying to please everyone and be everywhere to avoid problems.  Not because I actually enjoy spending three hours in one place, then rushing off to spend 3 hours somewhere else, followed by 3 hours at a third place...  And for the life of me I can't understand why insisting on splitting one day between 3 or 4 events seems to make everyone happier than spreading it all out over a couple of days and being able to spend more time together!

Yesterday I got to hang out all afternoon with my SIL D, and discovered her holiday situation is pretty darn similar to mine.  Only she has two little kids to cart around from place to place.  I used to believe that once Hubs and I were parents our families would be more understanding about our inability to be in 3 places at once... Unfortunately I see now how it is with my brother's family and my SIL & BIL's family, and neither of them gets any breaks for having children.  Looks like it's the curse of having your whole family in one city.  Too bad I love my city so much or I'd seriously consider moving away!

And okay, yeah, IF still casts a bit of a shadow over me this time of year.  I'm no longer jealous of my siblings for having kids while I don't (at least not now while no one is currently pg), but as each cycle comes and goes quite uneventfully, I go through the familiar cycle of hope and disappointment.  It's not as bitter as it used to be, just enough to add a dash of extra "flavor" to my holidays.

Today the east winds are kicking up at a gusty 25-40 mph.  It's dry and disgusting and makes me feel as emotionally whipped up as the leaves and dust swirling around outside.  It's supposed to die down by the weekend, though, and we're expecting a relatively warm and sunny Christmas.  I'm pesronally looking forward to the day after Christmas.  Hubs has the whole week off of work, and even though I'm not working, when he has a day off it's like I do too.  We'll sleep in for a few days, get some stuff done around the house, and then we're heading to Denver for our little getaway!  My mood should be considerably lifted by then.  ;)



Do you know what's the worst?  The absolute worst is getting sick for several days, then on the first day of feeling like a human being again, throwing out your back so bad that you spend the next week in a horizontal position loopy on painkillers and muscle relaxers, and generally feeling incredibly sorry for yourself.  Today, I am happy to announce, is the first day after the week of horizontality.  I'm still in pain, but I can move a little more freely and I can sit upright!  I'm considering venturing out to the drug store today, and I swear by all that is holy if I get into a car accident or some other horrible thing beyond my control befalls me, I'll... well... I don't know what I'll do but I will not be a happy camper.

Needless to say, December 2011 hasn't been very kind to me thus far.  But it's going to get better!  I managed to get most of my Christmas shopping done before I got sick and injured, so I just have a few more things to pick up before the big day (which I have all planned out since I had plenty of time to think about gift ideas while I was staring at the ceiling).  And Hubs has the whole week of Christmas off, so we're taking off to Denver for a few days.  We're staying at the same hotel we stayed in when we went on our road trip a couple years ago, which was a pretty saucy time that we're hoping to relive.  I even got a little somethin' from Vic's Secret to keep things spicy!  Yep.  Lots to look forward to. ;)

On the job front... nothing to report.  I finally admitted to Hubs (and myself) that I am terrified of going back to work.  I'm even terrified of interviewing!  There are so many thoughts circling my brain about it.  I'm afraid that I'll end up with another job that I can't stand; that I'm wasting my life away doing work I hate and having no idea what kind of job would make me feel more fulfilled and productive.  And that, even if I do figure out what I want to be when I grow up, I'll never find a job in a field I enjoy in this crappy economy.  So there you have it.  I'm a coward.  And I'm not real sure how to overcome it.  I may go to the career center in town and take an interview workshop or something to help get my confidence back up.  I guess that would be a reasonable first step, right?  

So things are mostly good and a little confusing.  I guess that's not so bad all things considered.  I'm feeling a lot more relaxed and happy (minus the past week or so, of course) than I have in years, and for the most part I'm focusing on that.  

Now to venture out into the world for the first time in DAYS.  Hallelujah!