The weekend wrap-up

Why are Monday mornings so rough?  I think it's because of the anticipation of an entire new workweek.  Five long days stretch out ahead of me as far as the eye can see (or the mind can imagine) and the potential for misery seems endless.  But by the time Tuesday rolls around and Monday is a memory I usually feel better.  Just gotta make it through today!

How was your weekend?  All in all mine was pretty good.  The weather was beautiful on Saturday so Hubs spent the day mowing and edging the yard while I was cooped up in the office/lounge/Atticus's room creating the logo for my women's group.  We just upgraded to Photoshop CS5 from CS2 and I didn't realize how many things can change in three upgrades until I took on this little project!  It ended up taking me about 4 hours to get it done enough to be usable for now, but I think it came out pretty nice.  I'll post it here after it makes its debut on the group blog so you can judge for yourselves :) 

Grandma's birthday party on Sunday was fun.  I'm so glad my whole immediate family was able to make the 3 hour drive down to San Diego for it.  It was nice to see my cousins, aunt and uncle, and of course Grandma too!  She's struggling with Alzheimer's, but she's been on that medication that's supposed to slow it down and it seems to help.  She still forgets whose kid is whose and couldn't remember who gave her the lovely wrap she received 20 minutes after opening it (it was my mom, in case you were wondering), but overall she still has her faculties about her, remembers who we all are, and is reasonably "with it."

My sister and her family brought their new puppy along for the ride yesterday as well, and she's just about the cutest thing ever.  She's an 11 week old Shiba Inu, which is one of the dogs that Hubs would like to eventually get.  So of course he fell in love with her and immediately started looking up the cost of Shiba Inu puppies on his phone.  If only he were that excited about getting a kitten! 

In an interesting turn of events, a friend recently mentioned this website and it got me thinking about IVF vacations.  They're cheaper than most standard IVF cycles plus you get an almost three week Costa Rican vacation out of it included in the cost!  Even if it's not quite like a "real" vacation (no drinking, sex, or much sightseeing since I'd have to rest most of the time) at least I wouldn't have to go to work; I could lay by the pool and read for days instead.  Hubs and I spent a good amount of time talking about it on Saturday and we figure once we pay off our debt it may be something we can pursue.  So it looks like our quest for a little bio VonD may not be over just yet after all...

The turning of a page

There is a chance that Hubs and I will some day have a biological child.  Right now, though, I am coming to realize that those chances are not increased by our efforts.  Infertility has left me exhausted and heartbroken to the point that giving up TTC sounds like sweet relief, and infinitely more appealing than one more month of valiant effort and crushing disappointment.

It hasn't been easy or clear-cut coming to this decision.  Hubs and I are becoming more and more comfortable with the idea that one day, a few years from now, our family will grow through adoption, and I've already started putting a lot less emphasis on TTC.  But still I've been miserable for weeks.  Until today I thought it was about my miscarriage and how much I hate my job; now I believe it's the end of the dream of little baby A+K I'm grieving.

I don't know if this is a permanent decision, but I think it should at the very least be open-ended so I can try to move on.  I also don't yet know what new direction my blog may take.  I guess I'll just wait and see, and I hope you do too.

Wednesday

Work is getting worse and worse.  I heard some "unofficial" news this morning that's turning out to be just the kick in the pants I needed to start seriously looking for a new job.  So tonight as I'm enjoying a HP double feature with Hubs, I'll also be updating my resume.  I started working here the same month Hubs and I started TTC, and I've been miserable ever since.  And more miserable with each passing year I'm here.  That's just no way to live.  So if I may ask, please send thoughts, prayers, hopes, whatever you've got, that I can find something where I'm happier and can still afford to pay the mortgage.

And in TTC news... ugh.  It's CD10 and, not surprisingly, I am in no mood to get down to business this month.  Besides that, I think my hormones have been jacked ever since my m/c.  I've got a few lovely cystic zits that haven't gone away in months and flare up even bigger when I'm PMSed.  Also, for the past 2 or 3 months I've been spotting after AF for days.  For example, I am still spotting today.  Day TEN, people!  WTF.  So my acu gave me some herbs that are supposed to balance out my hormones and make the spotting stop.  I can only hope. 

Oh - Did I tell you about the status of my ring?  It was kind of on hold while I attempted to procure a stone, which I finally did last week.  I ended up getting a trillion-cut blue topaz.  Pretty much nothing like I was originally planning (pear-shaped ruby), but there's a reason for that.  I've been seeing poppies everywhere since I decided to use that flower as a symbol for my loss (P.S. did you notice the background on my blog is poppies? I had no idea until recently).  Then I happened across a gorgeous image of a bright blue poppy, which was the inspiration for the little image I made over on the right.  I'm in love with just about every shade of blue, so I decided to go with a blue poppy for my symbol of remembrance rather than red.  It just felt more personally meaningful.  Anyway, so my friend T now has my stone and can get started making my ring!

Okay I feel much better adding that last paragraph, otherwise this post was getting seriously depressing. 

Happy Hump Day, all.  And happy Hanukkah to all those celebrating it :)

Considering throwing in the towel

Hubs and I have been having some conversations lately about TTC, specifically our feelings about continuing to try for a baby.  Maybe it's just time for a break, but no matter how I try, I haven't been able to shake this depression since my m/c.  I can't believe it's only been 4 months, it feels like an eternity.  I've gotten past the point where I tear up whenever I think about it, and where I yell at the TV and change the channel whenever there's a commercial about babies or pregnancy.  I even had a nice thought the other day about the pregnant lady at work, who still sighs and shuffles around all hunched over like she has the weight of the world in her uterus.  But the holidays certainly make it harder.

You know that faint glimmer of hope that shows up toward the beginning of a new C, right after AF leaves town?  I don't have that anymore.  Our conversations - mine and Hubs's, not mine and AF's - have been about giving up TTC.  We decided several weeks or so ago that our drop dead age for TTC would be when I'm 34.  If by that time I'm not pregnant/haven't had a baby we will start on the adoption route, with my added caveat that if Hubs feels ready to adopt sooner then we'll do it sooner.

I will be a mom some day, and that is a wonderful thought.  But I also feel like right now I'm starting to mourn the lost hope that we'll be able to conceive our child.  Of course it could still happen, but I'm tired of hanging everything on that narrow hope.

No hard decisions have been made.  I'm still going to acupuncture, though I've thought (a lot) about the amount of money it would save us if I stopped.  I guess for now we'll just let our feelings evolve and see what happens.

It's not you, it's me

I need some space.

I'm not ready for a serious commitment.

I have so many other things going on in my life right now, I feel like I can't give you the attention you deserve.

No, I'm not breaking up with you, my bloggity friends, I just need a little distance from TTC and IF for a little while.  To get off the emotional roller coaster, if you will.  The start of a new cycle seems like a good time to try to adjust my focus and hopefully get back to some kind of balance.  Hubs and I will still try this C, since I can't seem to avoid it, but hopefully without so much obsession.

So, I may not be around here much, or I may be around but posting about stuff other than TTC and IF.  And I may not be commenting much (not that I've been a stellar commenter lately anyway, sorry), but please know it's nothing personal. 

Well I mean, it is personal, but yeah.  It's me.  Not you.

Couldn't wait

I stopped on the way home for some FRERs, and as I was waiting in line I could feel AF picking up.  OF COURSE!  But I bought them anyway because, hell, I'm a glutton for punishment I guess!  Of course it was negative.

Maybe next month.

The Barren exhibit, and other stuff

Hello my friends :)

First, an update on my weekend activities:

My friend B and I went to the Barren exhibit on Saturday and it was very moving.  Most of the pieces were photographs of things like empty cribs, strollers, and lonely toys.  There were also some wintry scenes with bare trees and frost-covered ground.  A few were mixed media and a technique I'm not really familiar with (and I forgot the name) that looked like multiple photo exposures layered together, but with a sketchy quality.  Some of the pieces were quite graphic; apparently the artist experienced multiple early miscarriages, if that gives you an idea.  She also had a few written pieces posted here and there, talking about visiting a friend who had just given birth, thoughts that seemed to have been written when she was in some of her darkest places, and so on.  Those were the pieces that touched me the most. I guess maybe I have more of an appreciation for literary art than visual art.  There were many points where I was choking back the tears.  I don't really know what else to say about it.  I'm very glad I went, but I'm not sure I can say I enjoyed it, you know?  It definitely touched me, as I'm sure it would touch anyone who has dealt with infertility.

The rest of the day Saturday was much more lighthearted.  B and I tried to sell some clothes and accessories at Bu.ffa.lo E.xcha.nge, and discovered that we're not nearly cool enough for them.  Even my Be.tsey Jo.hnson dress was denied and that thing is CUTE (but a size 4, which I no longer am nor will I probably ever be again).  We each managed to unload a pair of shoes in exchange for store credit, so maybe I'll be able to pick up a new sweater or something.  After that we had lunch and made the rounds to all the local party stores to brainstorm decoration ideas for B's 1980's themed 30th birthday bash which is coming up in 2 weeks.  You know how I love throwing a party, so of course I offered to help her set everything up!

~Poss. triggs ahead~
As planned, Hubs and I spent Sunday afternoon/evening at my brother and SIL's to see baby J.  She is so damn cute and such a good baby.  I didn't want to put her down!

~TMI (and obsession) ahead~
I'm pretty sure either yesterday or today is CD1.  Although, what I'm experiencing right now reminds me of what I experienced right before I got my BFP.  Let me explain - last night (CD28) Hubs and I DTD since it was our last chance before AF's arrival.  Afterwards I had some pink bleeding, not a lot, but enough to figure AF was starting.  This morning there were just a few brown spots on my pad, and some beige-ish CM when I wiped.  Then nothing until noon when I went to the RR, and when I wiped had about the same amount of pink bleeding as I did last night, maybe a bit more, but only 1 little brown spot on my pad.  I do not normally spot before AF, and never have since I've been doing TCM. 

Sigh... I'm anxious, scared, and trying not to be hopeful... But I have to remember I have no control over this.  Chances are AF is just messing with me, maybe we knocked something loose DTD last night and that's why I'm all spotty.  If it doesn't pick up by tomorrow I will test in the morning.  Today I'm just going to try to keep breathing.

Just a quick update

I don't wanna work.

I just want to bang on my drum all day.

Actually, I don't really have much rhythm or coordination, so it's probably better if I stick with what I know and avoid the drums.

There's not much going on with me this week.  Today is CD 19 and I'm not particularly hopeful/delusional about this C.  We only DTD like 3 times around O, and guess what?  I don't care!!

This weekend is art walk weekend.  They do it twice a year downtown and I've never gone.  So Hubs and I decided to make it a date tomorrow night after he gets home from work.  Who knows, maybe we'll end the evening with some drinks and fun at home...  ;)  ;)

Speaking of art, I still haven't made it over to that Barren exhibit.  I'm going to try to see it tomorrow with a friend, but if that doesn't work out - next weekend for sure!  The exhibit's over on the 23rd and I'll kick myself if I miss it!

~Poss Trigs Ahead~

My SIL is due to deliver daughter #2 on Monday.  Believe it or not, I am not (at this point anyway) sad in the least about it.  On the contrary, I'm excited to meet my SIXTH niece!  She and I are going to share the same middle name, which is also my paternal grandmother's name. :)

Well my friends, I wrote my post.  That means I can go home now, right?  Pretty please...??  No?  Shoot.  Guess I'll be here for another 4 hours... Happy Friday!

Whine and wine

Yesterday Hubs and I had dinner with my family at my parents' house. I was in a decent enough mood, but I had one of those moments when I really felt out of place. Four of my nieces and nephews were running around the backyard, with my sister and brother leading a conversation about pregnancy and parenthood. Meanwhile Hubs and I were sitting 10 feet away looking at each other with nothing to contribute and a burning desire to GET THE HELL OUT OF THERE. Sigh... Score another point for infertility - driving wedges between family members since 830 B.C.

Not helping matters: Today is CD22 (about 8DPO), and I just know AF will be visiting this weekend. I really wasn't holding out much hope for this C, but I'm bummed. Very bummed. Ugh... This is still so damn hard.

Hubs and I had a very nice long weekend, though. Our trip to wine country was perfect, and we had a great time wine tasting on Friday. We booked a shuttle and wound up hitting it off with two other couples in our van, so we spent most of the day with them. We also got to spend some time with one of Hubs's good friends and his girlfriend on Thursday evening. And guess what? No one talked about kids or babies the whole trip. We got back early Saturday afternoon and spent most of the weekend just hanging out at home. It was nice and relaxing.

Seeing as we're now completely broke, it's time to quit having fun and get back to work on the house. We still (always!) have a ton to do, so that will be the focus of our weekends for the next... however long. But I'm excited to get stuff done, our little bungalow will look so much more finished and homey.

Almost time for acupuncture. Fingers crossed it does the trick and pulls me out of my funk today.

Amalgamation

FYI: This is my 400th post! Jeez I talk a lot.

Hubs bought this book called Eve.rything is Going to Ki.ll Eve.rybody and I've been reading it in bits and pieces. Each chapter describes a different way that the world could easily be destroyed by something already in existence: supervolcanoes, weird diseases, nanotechnology, etc. It's actually a really funny book, but I think it's starting to give me nightmares. This morning I woke up from a dream that my little brother was trying to kill a Smart car that had achieved sentience and was out to get us.

Or maybe I just drank too much wine with dinner...

Anywho.

Happy Friday!! Well, to me. Apologies to those of you that are only halfway through your workweek. I'm pretty excited to be going up north for a couple of days, but even more excited to be able to sleep in for four days in a row! I'm tired!

What would a 400th post be if there wasn't some smack-talking?

I mentioned there's a lady at work who's pregnant; she's about 10 weeks along, and I'm sorry, but she's really starting to tick me off. I would like to tell her, "Look. You don't need a belly band at 10 weeks, what you need are new pants. You're not 'showing,' you just gained 15 pounds because you've been eating way too much for the past 2 months!" But what really bothers me is that she'll go into my two employees' office and talk their ears off about her pregnancy. One of those two employees is the one who just miscarried. I don't think she knows about it (she definitely doesn't know about mine), but it's still a. annoying and b. unprofessional. If it happens again I am going to ask her to kindly knock that shit off.

And to wrap things up, a brief TTC update! Wee...

So yeah... we're TTC this C. I think I ovulated somewhere between Sunday and Tuesday. I'm trying not to think about it very much, to be honest! It would be really easy for me to start obsessing and I don't want to do that. So I'll just listen to my C+B meditations, and enjoy what will hopefully be a lovely and relaxing long weekend!

Weekend ramblings

Thank goodness today's not Monday.

The thought of finding another job is almost always on my mind. Often it's sort of tucked away as I trudge through one day after another. Then every couple of months it jumps out of hiding and practically screams at me, "You have GOT to get out of here before you lose it!!!" Now is one of those times. Of course the feeling is being multiplied by last week's news, which my three employees will no doubt be talking about nonstop for a while. But it's true, I do need to get out of here, and as soon as I discover what it is I'd rather be doing I'm bolting!

Until then, I'm working for the weekends. This past one was nice and mellow. Hubs and I went to breakfast with some friends followed by the Dodger game on Sunday, and yesterday we went to the movies to see Inc.eption (which I'm still trying to figure out). Other than that we pretty much sat on our butts, it was good.

In a saucy turn of events, we're going to Las Vegas this weekend! We couldn't decide whether to stick with our original plans to go wine tasting for our four day weekend next week, or to give in to our desire to visit Sin City instead... So we figured what the hell, we'll do both! This Friday we're driving out after work for a quickie sun-filled getaway, and next Thursday we'll head up north for a long mellow weekend.

*****************************

So, knock on wood, I stopped bleeding on Saturday. I think/hope/pray it's for real this time. I had acupuncture that morning and when I told him that the nurse said it could have been my period when it started back up again last Monday, he seemed to agree. So that makes today CD9. I'm starting herbs again tomorrow and C+B tonight, and I even got back into the groove of taking my vitamins and supplements over the past few days. Guess I'm officially back on the TTC wagon.

It's 6 a.m.

I can't think of a good, interesting way to tell you all so I guess I will just say it: It was positive.

The damn cat woke me up early so I tested at like 5:45 and bolted back to bed before I could see anything, good or bad. Hubs was awake too, so we chatted nervously for a few minutes, then I grew a pair and marched myself back into the bathroom and looked right at the test. And screamed. (Sorry neighbors!) Hubs came running and I dissolved into tears and held out the test for him to see the very clear test line, almost as dark as the control line. We hugged and I cried and shook uncontrollably until he got all protective and told me I needed to calm down. His eyes and smile were both so big.

It doesn't feel real at all and I am still shaking. I honestly thought I'd never get to see two lines. And I want to tell you that if it wasn't for you wonderful ladies I probably would have lost hope a long time ago. I love you all :)

(Note to my wonderful friends and family members who read this blog, I'm sure it goes without saying, but please keep this news under wraps until Aaron and I are ready to announce. Thanks!)

Teeny tiny update

No real news yet, but since I can't stop thinking about it I'll share with you that the spotting is definitely much lighter in both color and volume today than yesterday. (I wore a pad all day today and didn't need one at all.) Got a sweet deal on a 2 pack of FRERs, so we'll see if I can hold out until morning. Sorry to those voting I test NOW, but if it turned out negative I'd kick myself for not using FMU! I am the anti-tester, you know!

And let's hope I can test tomorrow, something crazy is going on with my toilet!! It's making some weird and frankly kind of scary noises whenever I flush. As if that would stop me though, I'd go pee in the bushes to test if I had to!

Fingers (and legs and toes and eyes and whatever else possible) crossed that the witch stays away... That's all I'm daring to hope for right now.

Now what??

My sincerest apologies for the sheer volume of TMI and visuals that are coming up. If you're feeling squeamish, it might be best to turn back now.

AF is toying with me and I don't know what's going on. Yesterday I started, or I think I did. The blood all looked old (kinda sticky dark brown/black in the pad, light brown when I wiped), and there wasn't much at all (enough to use only one pad for the whole day, and I probably could have gotten away with a liner). I thought for sure it would hit full force overnight, as CD2 is always heavy, but when I got up, to my surprise my pad was pure white as the driven snow. Today I have what I'd describe as somewhat/considerably more CM than usual, and it's brownish pink (very light when I wipe, and yeah, I reached on up in there and it's slightly darker when I "scoop" it out).

So of course I'm thinking two things: 1. Maybe I'm knocked up! :) and 2. Maybe the herbs my acu gave me this month jacked me up! :(

Other stuff going on: I'm somewhat crampy and my boobs hurt pretty bad. Oh and I have a little headache. If AF hasn't "officially" started, today would be CD30, 15DPO.

I'll test with FMU in the morning if my flow hasn't picked up considerably by then. I'll let you know how it goes. And I'm sure if anything changes today I'll be back here going on and on about it.

If AF is only messing with me I just might spend my three day weekend crying! Or shunning my diet and drinking heavily. Or both.

Stuff (with LOLcats)

Today my little brother turns 28! He doesn't read this blog of course, but I'll still throw a "Happy Birthday, Broseph!!" out to the interwebs for him. :) We're going to be celebrating with a barbecue at my older brother's and SIL's house (little brother lives there too) after work tonight.

I spent a good chunk of my morning looking up recipes for veggie-based meals, and found a few I thought looked good. Although I wonder if making chili in the crock pot or soup on the stove counts as "lightly cooked"? Ah well, I figure it still has to be better for me than what I've been eating!

I'm also gearing myself up to have The Talk with my parents about money for treatments. I think I need to do it soon, before I lose my nerve! I hate asking them for money, but like I said, my dad has already offered to help several times. I just don't know exactly how my mom feels about it, and she's really the one who controls the finances. Plus, times are hard for everyone right now and I don't know what their spare cash situation is like either. I guess that's why I need to talk to them, isn't it?? I'm just nervous, I suppose.


Speaking of bored, time to get back to work!

My temporary lifestyle overhaul

I finished reading my book last night, and am currently in a sort of "mental-prep" stage before starting in on all the diet and lifestyle changes recommended for the "S.tuc.k" fertility type. I plan on starting the diet next week, and easing into the other changes until then. Maybe this prep time will help me actually stick with it! As a disclaimer/reminder (to myself as much as anyone else), this is only a three-month program, what the book refers to as a "pre-me.ster," designed to optimize fertility and prepare your body for pregnancy.

Let me just "throw" in "a few" more "quotation marks." Okay, that's better. (I mean "better." Okay, for real now, I'm done.)

Before I lay out what the book wants me to do, I think I'll give you a little idea of what my diet and lifestyle are currently like:

Diet: I love bread, carbs, starch in general. Love, love, LOVE it. And cheese. Those are like, my two main sources of sustenance. Lean meats (including fish - as long as sushi counts) and cheese make up my protein intake, which is about half of my carb intake. Veggies only exist in my world as toppings on a sandwich or the occasional side salad or stir-fry. I eat fast food several times a week. I skip breakfast more often than not.

Exercise: What's that?

Lifestyle: I drink alcohol (mostly wine, also beer, and rarely hard liquor) relatively regularly, about 4 times a week... maybe 5. I usually have 2 (large) glasses when I drink during the week, more on the weekends. I'm an anxious, stress-ridden person, and I admit that I somtimes use alcohol to combat that. Before starting acupuncture and the Ci.rcle+Bl.oom program, I didn't do much to try to alleviate my stress. I drink coffee on average once a week, I never drink sodas, and I rarely drink other sweetened drinks.

Supplements: I am the proud owner of prenatal vitamins, royal jelly, B complex, fish oil, and raspberry leaf tea... Unfortunately I forget to take all of those things about half the time. (In fact, writing that made me remember that I forgot to take them today.) I forget to take my TCM herbs about 1/4 the time. I drink green tea every morning.

Got all that? I'm a hot mess, I know. Just let that marinate for a few seconds...

Okay, now that it's sunk in how horribly unhealthy I am, here's a quick rundown on what they want me to do for the next 3 months:

Diet: 60% of my diet should be fruits and veggies (cooked lightly), 30% whole grains - a variety, and 10% lean protein, preferably plant-based. But no soy. Avoid dairy and refined sugars, and in particular avoid processed foods. Whenever possible, all these things should be fresh and organic.

Exercise: Moderate aerobic exercise most of my cycle, walking or yoga during menstruation.

Lifestyle: Avoid alcohol, and (huge emphasis on this) do everything possible to reduce stress in a healthy way. Make time for food - no eating on the run, or when I'm stressed or upset.

Supplements: I can't remember all of them, but the ones I do remember are: drink hot water with lemon in the morning, take evening primrose oil and B complex. Hey at least I already have the B complex sitting in my cabinet!

The good news is the book encourages you to cheat at least once a week. They say, "80% is perfection." Meaning if you're following the guidelines 80% of the time you're golden. Thank goodness because life without Taco Bell is no life at all!

I don't expect this pre-m.ester (haha, I think that term is so funny) to miraculously make me fertile, so I'm also planning on talking to my parents about helping us out financially with treatments. Although just the thought still makes me nervous, I find that I'm getting more and more discouraged with TTC, and I think I'm almost ready to be done. However, I don't think I can call it quits until I reach my personal limits of what I'm willing to try. (Let's just hope I don't also meet the limits of my wits while I'm at it!)

And hey, I'm probably not supposed to do this, but if anyone wants more information about their fertility type(s) (see yesterday's post) let me know and I'll e-mail you what the book says :)

Farewell, weekend

Good morning and happy Monday! Yeah, I'm not too thrilled it's Monday either, but I might as well fake it, right? After all, I do have several underlings to keep motivated, in addition to myself (...she said, as she blatantly typed out a blog post instead of getting her butt to work).

This weekend was simply lovely and I'm so very sad it's already over. It was the first sunny weekend we've had this month (and yes, the clouds are back today, le sigh). In fact, it was warmer at the beach on Saturday than it was at our house, which never happens. The beer festival was really fun; there were about 50 or so different breweries participating, as well as several local restaurants making and handing out samples of their food. There were even a couple of wineries, too. And there was so much space we were able to sprawl out on a big blanket in between tastings. Very fun, tasty and relaxing!

Sunday we scrambled to organize a Fathers Day breakfast with the in-law's at our favorite breakfast joint. Not surprisingly, the restaurant was packed and there must have been 40-50 people waiting outside. I don't know if it's because we're "regulars" and the owner recognizes us, or just good luck, but we only waited about 15 minutes for a table for seven people! Later that afternoon my family got together at my sister's house for a barbecue and pool party. I'm not much of a swimmer but I had a really fun time playing in the water with my siblings, nieces and nephew. Oh yeah, and it was nice seeing my dad too! ;)

In TTC news, I've got a little over a week left on my 2ww. Next week I'm going to start following my book's dietary recommendations for the "Stuck" fertility type. (I'd start this week, but we're broke until payday so I can't afford to go grocery shopping yet!) I'm actually kind of excited about that. Maybe I'll even visit the farmer's market on Saturday morning to pick up some farm-fresh fruits and veggies! First, though, I need to finish reading up on what those recommendations actually are, and then find plenty of meal ideas so I don't get bored and burned-out after the first week. That part I'm not looking forward to so much!

Oh Monday... I am trying with great difficulty not to loathe you at this moment. I may just have to give myself a jump-start and forego the green tea for coffee this morning!

Stuck!

Last night I finally got to the good part of the fertility book I recently bought - the part that breaks down the 5 fertility types, based on traditional Chinese medicine. I had to muddle through the first 100+ pages of information which detail various lifestyle changes and dietary supplements before I got there. Not to say that those 100+ pages weren't interesting, they really were, but I was anxious to get to the meat! I'm being good though, and am reading through the whole thing.

So the first two fertility types were "Tired" and "Dry." I found I have several of the signs for "Tired," but it still didn't quite click, so I forged onward. As soon as I started on the third type, "Stuck," I actually started getting butterflies because it was so familiar. I kept thinking, "This is me!" At the end of each section is a checklist of symptoms, and I must have marked off 90% of them for "Stuck". I was bummed I had to stop reading after that because we had to leave for dinner at hubs's parents', but I can't wait to read more tonight! (You know you're infertile when the highlight of your Friday night is reading a book called "Making Babies.") The book outlines what kinds of lifestyle changes to make and supplements to take based on your fertility type, and I think that's next. Also, my accu wants to go over it with me next time I come in (next week), so I'm getting cautiously excited. We'll see if this helps!

Dinner at the in-law's was nice last night. However, the whole point of us going over there was to return all the stuff I borrowed for the two bridal showers, and we completely forgot all of it! There's a ton of stuff, and they actually need some of it for the camping trip they're going on next week. Oops! Guess hubs will be making another trip over there tonight!

This weekend is going to be pretty busy. Tomorrow we're riding our bikes from our house on the east end of town to our friends' house on the west side. We'll then walk ourselves on over to the highly-anticipated Sa.lute Beer Festival at State Beach! (I must sound like such a lush with all my talk of beer festivals and wine tasting and martinis, but how could I pass up beer tasting at the beach??) A bunch of our friends are going as well, so it should be a good time. I just have to make sure I pace myself and drink tons of water because Sunday morning we're having breakfast with hubs's family for Father's Day, and most likely dinner at my parents' house too. I hope I get to take a nap in there somewhere!

Have a great Friday and a wonderful weekend, everyone :)

Now I'm just babbling

Hubs and I went to a friend's birthday barbecue last night. When I hugged my friend hello she said to me quietly, "I have to ask, are you pregnant??" I about burst out laughing and exclaimed, "No!!" I didn't intend for it to come out so strongly, but that it did. I had no idea why she would think that. Turns out my status update a couple days ago on FB was taken seriously by a mutual friend, who asked her if it meant I was. I'd said I forgot to cancel a wine club membership and jokingly wondered what I was going to do with the two extra bottles we just received. I guess I can see how that could be taken to mean I had a secret reason for canceling the membership and being burdened by extra wine...

Hubs overheard and laughed, telling her if I was pregnant everyone would know, in no uncertain terms. True enough. I'd like to think I'd be able to keep my mouth shut for at least a few weeks, but who am I trying to kid? I'm terrible at keeping stuff to myself.

Anyway, not that that's going to be an issue anytime soon. Although it would be a fabulous birthday present :) (But I'm not holding my breath!)

It's day 15 and I think I'm in the process of, or am soon to be, Oing. I got myself a nice +OPK yesterday and DTD and everything, just like a good TTCer! I have to say, there must be something to this acupuncture and TCM herbs business. This is the third month in a row that I've ovulated on CD14 or 15, and it's quite nice that my C's have been ending 3 days early too. Plus I've had fewer PMS symptoms. Now if I could just get knocked up I'd start handing out pamphlets to strangers in the street!

Chillin'

I feel so boring lately, and I'm sorry if I'm actually coming across as boring as I feel. There's not a whole lot going on in my life that's of interest at the moment.

This weekend was particularly, and blissfully, uneventful. I spent most of the day lounging around the house while hubs was at work on Saturday. It's a good thing I told him in advance that I wasn't planning on doing any housework because all I got done were two loads of laundry. After he got home we met another couple (MotherHen and her hubby) for drinks and table shuffleboard at a local dive bar, and stayed out way past my bedtime! We all had so much fun; it was nice catching up with those two. Then hubs and I spent Sunday morning with the paper, donuts and coffee; the afternoon lying in the sun in the back yard; and the evening watching a movie. What a far cry from last weekend's nonstop hustle and bustle! Now, if I just had one more day of that I'd be really relaxed.

Alas, I do not! Although I'm feeling a "mental health day" coming on pretty soon. Hopefully I can get hubs to take one with me. Work's been pretty stressful lately and it's going to get worse in the next few weeks, so I should do it before things get too crazy. I have my mandatory 2 weeks time off scheduled six weeks from now, but I'm not sure I'll be able to last that long. I've actually been occasionally (and casually) looking for a new job, but the truth is I don't think anything else would be better than what I've got. What I'd really like to do is start my own business, but can't figure out what kind! So, as with so many other things, I wait.

TTC-wise, right now I'm waiting to O, but I've been bad and haven't been OPKing. Today's CD12 so I guess I should get on that tonight. I'm being rather lazy about this C; I'll count it as a success if hubs and I manage to DTD a couple more times before O!

Well, good luck with your Monday, ladies! I hope it's a great day for everyone. :)