Hubs and I have been having some conversations lately about TTC, specifically our feelings about continuing to try for a baby. Maybe it's just time for a break, but no matter how I try, I haven't been able to shake this depression since my m/c. I can't believe it's only been 4 months, it feels like an eternity. I've gotten past the point where I tear up whenever I think about it, and where I yell at the TV and change the channel whenever there's a commercial about babies or pregnancy. I even had a nice thought the other day about the pregnant lady at work, who still sighs and shuffles around all hunched over like she has the weight of the world in her uterus. But the holidays certainly make it harder.
You know that faint glimmer of hope that shows up toward the beginning of a new C, right after AF leaves town? I don't have that anymore. Our conversations - mine and Hubs's, not mine and AF's - have been about giving up TTC. We decided several weeks or so ago that our drop dead age for TTC would be when I'm 34. If by that time I'm not pregnant/haven't had a baby we will start on the adoption route, with my added caveat that if Hubs feels ready to adopt sooner then we'll do it sooner.
I will be a mom some day, and that is a wonderful thought. But I also feel like right now I'm starting to mourn the lost hope that we'll be able to conceive our child. Of course it could still happen, but I'm tired of hanging everything on that narrow hope.
No hard decisions have been made. I'm still going to acupuncture, though I've thought (a lot) about the amount of money it would save us if I stopped. I guess for now we'll just let our feelings evolve and see what happens.