Still waiting on AF. I'm feeling a little more crampy now than yesterday, so today must be the day. I hate the LAGGING HAG. But I am trying to be "zen" about it. She's an unstoppable force, so I might as well accept my fate.

Okay now to the fun news - my SIL (older bro's wife) is freakin' awesome! I was stressing yesterday about what to make for dinner that would fit in with the new diet, and I remembered my SIL had offered to help me out and cook dinner with me if I wanted. (She's a vegetarian and has a very "adventurous" palate, so I figured I could pick her brain.) So I asked if we could do that instead of game night last night and THANK THE HEAVENS she agreed! We decided to make fajitas for ourselves and the guys, and what a great idea that turned out to be. They were the most delicious veggie fajitas of all time!! No, seriously, they were frickin' amazing. Even my veggie-hating brother loved them, and even my Mexcan-food-hating hubs loved them!

I was good and ate only 2 small tortillas, didn't use any dairy at all, and still it was magnificent. I also discovered that avocados can make a great substitute for cheese as a topping, and when in doubt, add more salsa! I wish I could eat them again today, but the down side to making fajitas is it takes a really long time to prep and cook everything. It took us about 2 hours! (To be fair, we weren't exactly rushing, and we were cooking for 5 adults, three of which are big men.) All in all, it was a wonderful and delicious (and healthy) evening!

Now I have to figure out what the heck to make for dinner tonight. The bar has been set pretty high!


On a see-saw

Oh, heavens to Murgatroyd. I am driving myself crazy, so I just thought I'd jump on the ol' blog here and share the insanity.

Ahem. So. AF is due today and she's taking her sweet time making her grand entrance. That's the first thing making me nutty. Will she or won't she, will she or won't she? Well, I'm sure she will, but until she does my mind is foolishly wandering. The hormone roller coaster isn't helping matters either.

The second thing taking up way too much real estate in my mind is the whole treatments thing. I am starting to think, more and more, that my endo is causing more problems than everyone seems to think. I don't have much faith that IUI will work, and I would hate for my parents to spend a lot of money for nothing. They've offered to help pay for adoption too, but how can I ask them to help us more than once?? I don't think I can, and I'm not sure they could/would help with both anyway. I know this is something only hubs and I can figure out, but GOD I wish we didn't have to.

Hopefully I'll feel a little more sane when AF starts (or ya know, a day afterwards). Hopefully.


Gathering info for The Talk

It's been over an hour since my last post, did you miss me? Haha.

Well I just called and made an appointment with my gyno to get yet another referral to the RE. That's right, they've already submitted two referrals in the past year and a half, but at the time my insurance didn't cover squat, and hubs and I certainly didn't have the money to pay for it. So this time it's for real. I got an appointment for this Thursday morning, so thankfully I won't have to wait too long.

I also called the RE again and got some more pricing info for IUI, and man is it expensive! $1300-1600 per cycle, not including meds. Oy. It makes me really nervous to ask my parents for that much money, but ask I must. I'll let you know when that happens.

UPDATE: I checked out a second place and they price theirs totally differently than the first. The actual insemination procedure at place #2 is $200, the sperm wash is $170. She said a medicated C with clomid is about $700-1000, and with injectables "easily a few thousand." Ultrasounds and bloodwork are additional as well. This is a more "a la cart" place than the first, it seems. (The first place includes all monitoring, semen collection, etc. in that $1300-1600 price range.)

So, it's really hard to make a comparison... Hubs wants me to call a third office, guess I will have to do that after lunch!


There's nothing worse than PMS on a Monday. I feel AF getting ready to make her appearance and I'm sure she'll be here very soon, most likely tomorrow. Damn I hate knowing my body so well. I wish I could be wrong just ONE time. Once - that's all I'm asking! (In case you couldn't tell, I get a little depressed and angry when I'm PMSed.)

My weekend was lovely, although it went by too fast. I spent some time with my brothers, SIL and niece on Saturday while hubs was at work. We barbecued and watched Ghana beat USA in the world cup. My poor older brother is a huge soccer fan and was beyond bummed. Yesterday hubs and I went to the annual Greek festival and ate way too much! It was sooo delish. I also brought a box of pastries home... and we ate all of them last night! Hubs kept saying, "They're not going to be good tomorrow," and then we'd eat another one. Luckily (as everyone knows) calories don't count when you're premenstrual.

Oh yeah, speaking of which, today's day 1 of my diet, and it's already off to a rocky start. I bought a bunch of veggies at the farmer's market on Saturday but I didn't make anything for lunch today. So I guess the diet will more officially start with dinner tonight: stir-fry veggies and brown rice. I did try hot water with lemon for the first time yesterday, though, and I really like it. I actually think I like it better than green tea. Now if I could just remember to bring lemon wedges to work!

Okay, I'm off to work this god-forsaken day away. My apologies for my bad attitude; for what it's worth I hope everyone has a GREAT day today!



Well hello there, fine folks! I am so happy it's Friday, I'm ready for a nice, relaxing weekend. What will I be doing, you ask? (You did, I heard you!) Well tomorrow morning I'll be heading to the farmers market to pick up supplies for the first week of my new diet. That means I don't get to sleep in like I'd prefer, but that's life. I can always nap while I lay out in the afternoon. Speaking of which, my tan is coming along nicely, albeit slowly since I have to wear sunscreen or I'll inevitably burn. I'm certainly not tan, but I'm a good two shades darker than when I started, and I look much healthier with a little color!

What I'm really excited about this weekend is the annual Greek Festival nearby! How I love Greek food, and how rarely I get to eat authentic Greek food! I'm going to stuff my face with loukaniko, dolmades, spanokopeta and baklava with ice cream. Oh I'm practically shaking with excitement just thinking about it. It'll be my last she-bang before starting the diet on Monday and I'm going to take full advantage. Oh yeah, and I'll probably take in some cultural experiences like watching the traditional dancing or something while I'm there too (seriously though, I'm going for the FOOD!).

I started back on the Wii Fit this week, putting in a solid 35-40 minutes on both Monday and Tuesday. Of course I was so sore on Wednesday and Thursday that I had to take a break, but I'll be back on the balance board tonight. It's amazing how hard it kicks my butt! Or maybe it's just evidence of how out of shape I am...

I'm coming up on the end of the 2ww, and for once I haven't been obsessing over it. I honestly think that's thanks to the C+B daily meditations, which I've been a lot better about doing this C than I was the last. It's almost like I'm learning to turn the worrying off, or at least turn it down, when it comes to TTC and IF. It's quite nice. Oh yeah, I broached the subject with my parents on Wednesday, and they are open to talking more about money for treatments. My dad wants me to gather as much pricing info as I can first, but looks like The Talk will be happening pretty soon. Keep your fingers crossed for me please!

Have a fantastic weekend, everyone!


Stuff (with LOLcats)

Today my little brother turns 28! He doesn't read this blog of course, but I'll still throw a "Happy Birthday, Broseph!!" out to the interwebs for him. :) We're going to be celebrating with a barbecue at my older brother's and SIL's house (little brother lives there too) after work tonight.

I spent a good chunk of my morning looking up recipes for veggie-based meals, and found a few I thought looked good. Although I wonder if making chili in the crock pot or soup on the stove counts as "lightly cooked"? Ah well, I figure it still has to be better for me than what I've been eating!

I'm also gearing myself up to have The Talk with my parents about money for treatments. I think I need to do it soon, before I lose my nerve! I hate asking them for money, but like I said, my dad has already offered to help several times. I just don't know exactly how my mom feels about it, and she's really the one who controls the finances. Plus, times are hard for everyone right now and I don't know what their spare cash situation is like either. I guess that's why I need to talk to them, isn't it?? I'm just nervous, I suppose.

Speaking of bored, time to get back to work!


My temporary lifestyle overhaul

I finished reading my book last night, and am currently in a sort of "mental-prep" stage before starting in on all the diet and lifestyle changes recommended for the "S.tuc.k" fertility type. I plan on starting the diet next week, and easing into the other changes until then. Maybe this prep time will help me actually stick with it! As a disclaimer/reminder (to myself as much as anyone else), this is only a three-month program, what the book refers to as a "pre-me.ster," designed to optimize fertility and prepare your body for pregnancy.

Let me just "throw" in "a few" more "quotation marks." Okay, that's better. (I mean "better." Okay, for real now, I'm done.)

Before I lay out what the book wants me to do, I think I'll give you a little idea of what my diet and lifestyle are currently like:

Diet: I love bread, carbs, starch in general. Love, love, LOVE it. And cheese. Those are like, my two main sources of sustenance. Lean meats (including fish - as long as sushi counts) and cheese make up my protein intake, which is about half of my carb intake. Veggies only exist in my world as toppings on a sandwich or the occasional side salad or stir-fry. I eat fast food several times a week. I skip breakfast more often than not.

Exercise: What's that?

Lifestyle: I drink alcohol (mostly wine, also beer, and rarely hard liquor) relatively regularly, about 4 times a week... maybe 5. I usually have 2 (large) glasses when I drink during the week, more on the weekends. I'm an anxious, stress-ridden person, and I admit that I somtimes use alcohol to combat that. Before starting acupuncture and the Ci.rcle+Bl.oom program, I didn't do much to try to alleviate my stress. I drink coffee on average once a week, I never drink sodas, and I rarely drink other sweetened drinks.

Supplements: I am the proud owner of prenatal vitamins, royal jelly, B complex, fish oil, and raspberry leaf tea... Unfortunately I forget to take all of those things about half the time. (In fact, writing that made me remember that I forgot to take them today.) I forget to take my TCM herbs about 1/4 the time. I drink green tea every morning.

Got all that? I'm a hot mess, I know. Just let that marinate for a few seconds...

Okay, now that it's sunk in how horribly unhealthy I am, here's a quick rundown on what they want me to do for the next 3 months:

Diet: 60% of my diet should be fruits and veggies (cooked lightly), 30% whole grains - a variety, and 10% lean protein, preferably plant-based. But no soy. Avoid dairy and refined sugars, and in particular avoid processed foods. Whenever possible, all these things should be fresh and organic.

Exercise: Moderate aerobic exercise most of my cycle, walking or yoga during menstruation.

Lifestyle: Avoid alcohol, and (huge emphasis on this) do everything possible to reduce stress in a healthy way. Make time for food - no eating on the run, or when I'm stressed or upset.

Supplements: I can't remember all of them, but the ones I do remember are: drink hot water with lemon in the morning, take evening primrose oil and B complex. Hey at least I already have the B complex sitting in my cabinet!

The good news is the book encourages you to cheat at least once a week. They say, "80% is perfection." Meaning if you're following the guidelines 80% of the time you're golden. Thank goodness because life without Taco Bell is no life at all!

I don't expect this pre-m.ester (haha, I think that term is so funny) to miraculously make me fertile, so I'm also planning on talking to my parents about helping us out financially with treatments. Although just the thought still makes me nervous, I find that I'm getting more and more discouraged with TTC, and I think I'm almost ready to be done. However, I don't think I can call it quits until I reach my personal limits of what I'm willing to try. (Let's just hope I don't also meet the limits of my wits while I'm at it!)

And hey, I'm probably not supposed to do this, but if anyone wants more information about their fertility type(s) (see yesterday's post) let me know and I'll e-mail you what the book says :)


Fertility types

If anyone is interested in finding out their "fertility type," you don't have to buy the book. There's a free online quiz here, and the results even provide some tips about diet and supplements.

Farewell, weekend

Good morning and happy Monday! Yeah, I'm not too thrilled it's Monday either, but I might as well fake it, right? After all, I do have several underlings to keep motivated, in addition to myself (...she said, as she blatantly typed out a blog post instead of getting her butt to work).

This weekend was simply lovely and I'm so very sad it's already over. It was the first sunny weekend we've had this month (and yes, the clouds are back today, le sigh). In fact, it was warmer at the beach on Saturday than it was at our house, which never happens. The beer festival was really fun; there were about 50 or so different breweries participating, as well as several local restaurants making and handing out samples of their food. There were even a couple of wineries, too. And there was so much space we were able to sprawl out on a big blanket in between tastings. Very fun, tasty and relaxing!

Sunday we scrambled to organize a Fathers Day breakfast with the in-law's at our favorite breakfast joint. Not surprisingly, the restaurant was packed and there must have been 40-50 people waiting outside. I don't know if it's because we're "regulars" and the owner recognizes us, or just good luck, but we only waited about 15 minutes for a table for seven people! Later that afternoon my family got together at my sister's house for a barbecue and pool party. I'm not much of a swimmer but I had a really fun time playing in the water with my siblings, nieces and nephew. Oh yeah, and it was nice seeing my dad too! ;)

In TTC news, I've got a little over a week left on my 2ww. Next week I'm going to start following my book's dietary recommendations for the "Stuck" fertility type. (I'd start this week, but we're broke until payday so I can't afford to go grocery shopping yet!) I'm actually kind of excited about that. Maybe I'll even visit the farmer's market on Saturday morning to pick up some farm-fresh fruits and veggies! First, though, I need to finish reading up on what those recommendations actually are, and then find plenty of meal ideas so I don't get bored and burned-out after the first week. That part I'm not looking forward to so much!

Oh Monday... I am trying with great difficulty not to loathe you at this moment. I may just have to give myself a jump-start and forego the green tea for coffee this morning!



Last night I finally got to the good part of the fertility book I recently bought - the part that breaks down the 5 fertility types, based on traditional Chinese medicine. I had to muddle through the first 100+ pages of information which detail various lifestyle changes and dietary supplements before I got there. Not to say that those 100+ pages weren't interesting, they really were, but I was anxious to get to the meat! I'm being good though, and am reading through the whole thing.

So the first two fertility types were "Tired" and "Dry." I found I have several of the signs for "Tired," but it still didn't quite click, so I forged onward. As soon as I started on the third type, "Stuck," I actually started getting butterflies because it was so familiar. I kept thinking, "This is me!" At the end of each section is a checklist of symptoms, and I must have marked off 90% of them for "Stuck". I was bummed I had to stop reading after that because we had to leave for dinner at hubs's parents', but I can't wait to read more tonight! (You know you're infertile when the highlight of your Friday night is reading a book called "Making Babies.") The book outlines what kinds of lifestyle changes to make and supplements to take based on your fertility type, and I think that's next. Also, my accu wants to go over it with me next time I come in (next week), so I'm getting cautiously excited. We'll see if this helps!

Dinner at the in-law's was nice last night. However, the whole point of us going over there was to return all the stuff I borrowed for the two bridal showers, and we completely forgot all of it! There's a ton of stuff, and they actually need some of it for the camping trip they're going on next week. Oops! Guess hubs will be making another trip over there tonight!

This weekend is going to be pretty busy. Tomorrow we're riding our bikes from our house on the east end of town to our friends' house on the west side. We'll then walk ourselves on over to the highly-anticipated Sa.lute Beer Festival at State Beach! (I must sound like such a lush with all my talk of beer festivals and wine tasting and martinis, but how could I pass up beer tasting at the beach??) A bunch of our friends are going as well, so it should be a good time. I just have to make sure I pace myself and drink tons of water because Sunday morning we're having breakfast with hubs's family for Father's Day, and most likely dinner at my parents' house too. I hope I get to take a nap in there somewhere!

Have a great Friday and a wonderful weekend, everyone :)


Now I'm just babbling

Hubs and I went to a friend's birthday barbecue last night. When I hugged my friend hello she said to me quietly, "I have to ask, are you pregnant??" I about burst out laughing and exclaimed, "No!!" I didn't intend for it to come out so strongly, but that it did. I had no idea why she would think that. Turns out my status update a couple days ago on FB was taken seriously by a mutual friend, who asked her if it meant I was. I'd said I forgot to cancel a wine club membership and jokingly wondered what I was going to do with the two extra bottles we just received. I guess I can see how that could be taken to mean I had a secret reason for canceling the membership and being burdened by extra wine...

Hubs overheard and laughed, telling her if I was pregnant everyone would know, in no uncertain terms. True enough. I'd like to think I'd be able to keep my mouth shut for at least a few weeks, but who am I trying to kid? I'm terrible at keeping stuff to myself.

Anyway, not that that's going to be an issue anytime soon. Although it would be a fabulous birthday present :) (But I'm not holding my breath!)

It's day 15 and I think I'm in the process of, or am soon to be, Oing. I got myself a nice +OPK yesterday and DTD and everything, just like a good TTCer! I have to say, there must be something to this acupuncture and TCM herbs business. This is the third month in a row that I've ovulated on CD14 or 15, and it's quite nice that my C's have been ending 3 days early too. Plus I've had fewer PMS symptoms. Now if I could just get knocked up I'd start handing out pamphlets to strangers in the street!


Dirty thirty

So next month I turn 30.

Don't judge me please, but I'm feeling the tiniest bit (and really, I mean REALLY minutely) uncomfortable about that fact.

I know! I'm being silly. I'm usually the first person to call someone else ridiculous for working themselves into a tizzy about getting another year older. And until the past few weeks I actually looked forward to my 30's. Women I used to work with told me those were the best years of their lives; that they learned to stop worrying and enjoyed life more. At that time I was in a sort of tumultuous period of my 20's, so I was particularly excited about the prospect of feeling less anxious. I still am (and I think I'm already learning not to worry so much, hooray!). But I also feel like my youth is over and it's all downhill from here.

That, I'm sure, is a very, very common feeling, right? And I'll get over it soon enough. I think getting older also has more implications for infertiles than the general public, and that's probably affecting my outlook as well.

Anyway, like I said, it's not bothering me a ton, just enough for me to take notice. I'll be on vacation when my birthday rolls around, so with any luck I'll be too busy having fun to mourn the passing of my youth!



I feel so boring lately, and I'm sorry if I'm actually coming across as boring as I feel. There's not a whole lot going on in my life that's of interest at the moment.

This weekend was particularly, and blissfully, uneventful. I spent most of the day lounging around the house while hubs was at work on Saturday. It's a good thing I told him in advance that I wasn't planning on doing any housework because all I got done were two loads of laundry. After he got home we met another couple (MotherHen and her hubby) for drinks and table shuffleboard at a local dive bar, and stayed out way past my bedtime! We all had so much fun; it was nice catching up with those two. Then hubs and I spent Sunday morning with the paper, donuts and coffee; the afternoon lying in the sun in the back yard; and the evening watching a movie. What a far cry from last weekend's nonstop hustle and bustle! Now, if I just had one more day of that I'd be really relaxed.

Alas, I do not! Although I'm feeling a "mental health day" coming on pretty soon. Hopefully I can get hubs to take one with me. Work's been pretty stressful lately and it's going to get worse in the next few weeks, so I should do it before things get too crazy. I have my mandatory 2 weeks time off scheduled six weeks from now, but I'm not sure I'll be able to last that long. I've actually been occasionally (and casually) looking for a new job, but the truth is I don't think anything else would be better than what I've got. What I'd really like to do is start my own business, but can't figure out what kind! So, as with so many other things, I wait.

TTC-wise, right now I'm waiting to O, but I've been bad and haven't been OPKing. Today's CD12 so I guess I should get on that tonight. I'm being rather lazy about this C; I'll count it as a success if hubs and I manage to DTD a couple more times before O!

Well, good luck with your Monday, ladies! I hope it's a great day for everyone. :)


Divine Redesign (or, "How I Wound Up with a Used Sofa Set")

I think the urge for change is in the air. Tanya just posted the other day about making changes in her life, and Rain mentioned she's thoroughly enjoying Blogger's new design editor. I have to say I'm loving it too, as you can see. I'm still working on the new layout, but I really like the lighter color scheme, and turquoise is my FAVE! The pattern reminds me of 1950's wallpaper. I would totally wallpaper my whole house (okay, maybe just the office) with it if hubs would let me.

Hubs and I have been talking for months about turning our "office" into a "lounge." Our computer is a laptop, so we don't really need the huge desk that's currently in there, and we thought it would be nice to have another place to hang out besides the living room. Maybe put a couple club chairs and our stereo in, some new lighting, etc. One reason we haven't yet is because the "office" was eventually meant to be the "baby's room."

Today I was awoken (again) by our next-door neighbors having a yard sale. (Turns out they're moving.) When hubs left for work he noticed they were selling a sofa set, and thought we could use the love seat in our "lounge." Awesome. I went over and bought it for $20, it'll work nicely with a slip cover, and it's really comfy. They tried to sell me the sofa too, for another $20; I told them we don't have room but would ask hubs. Of course, hubs wants it for when the garage is all set up to be his "man cave." (AKA: more room to hang out, but with all his boy stuff that I don't want in the house.) Great. The garage still has a looong way to go before that happens, so I guess I'll have a sofa in there along with everything else taking up space that could be used for my car. Ya know, the whole purpose of having a garage and all that.

*Sigh* Oh well, at least I'll have a lounge! And another room to decorate the way I want. Maybe I'll even wallpaper ;)


June Gloom

In Southern California almost every summer begins with a phenomenon known as "June Gloom." I'll skip the boring meteorological explanation, but in a nutshell it means that the month of June brings cloudy, chilly, and sometimes drizzly weather to the coast. This year is no exception - in fact, June Gloom started promptly on the first of this month! Mother Nature is always so punctual in my life. :P

The dreary June weather never bothered me much. I grew up with it and am quite accustomed to it by now. Oftentimes the marine layer burns off by early-mid afternoon, so there's still time to enjoy the sunshine, and I've always thought overcast weather was sort of romantic anyway. Well, romantic when I'm not at work, that is.

But right now I'm seriously jonesing for some sunshine! This past winter seemed so dang long, and spring seemed colder and wetter than usual. Plus I haven't spent much time at the beach at all in the past two years and I miss it. (Honestly, who lives 5 minutes from the ocean and goes as infrequently as I do? It's criminal, really.) I'm hoping beyond hope that we get some sunshine this weekend because all I want to do is throw on a bathing suit, pack a picnic and spend a day lying on the sand, soaking up some rays.

Anyway, I want to thank you for your comments and kind thoughts from the other day. I'm feeling a little more balanced now. Although I'm still not "excited" about going down the treatments path, I can accept that it's in my not-too-distant future. Until then, I'm not going to push things before I'm ready; I'm going to try to enjoy myself as much as I can, and if that means focusing on shallow things like getting a decent tan, well, I think I've earned it!

Unless the sun doesn't come out, then maybe I'll focus on giving myself a pedicure.

Which is far less shallow. ;)


Winding up, winding down

Last night was rough, and I had a bit of a breakdown. It was one of those moments where I was tired of the whole TTC game and just wanted to throw in the towel already. And, okay, that moment is still going. Honestly ladies, I'm not sure I'm cut out for this anymore.

By today, I'm usually gearing myself up for the BD marathon, mustering as much enthusiasm and hope as I possibly can. Pulling it out of my pockets if I can't find it anywhere else. But instead all I can think about is what Dr. K said on the phone last week about our odds of conceiving naturally: One in a thousand each month. Most IFers take that as their cue to up their odds with treatments, but I'm scared. IUI would be it for us, as I don't want to do IVF, and from what I've read, each medicated IUI cycle would boost our monthly odds to about one in ten for the first three cycles. That's our best shot: a total of a 30% chance, if we can manage to pay for three IUIs.

I'm scared because I know how I feel throughout a natural cycle - the buildup of hope, the driving myself crazy wondering for two weeks, and the inevitable let down when AF arrives quite punctually despite our impeccable timing. How much worse will I feel if medical intervention doesn't work? I imagine a lot worse, and I don't know if I can take that.

But I also don't know if I can keep going the way we are. I feel like I've been in the exact same place for two years. When am I going to move on with my life? Can I move on with my life if we're still TTC?

Moving on to treatments feels like the last step in our TTC journey, regardless of the outcome. In a sense, that's a relief. If IUI doesn't work I don't think I can go back to trying naturally indefinitely; I don't like this feeling that it's never going to end. As cliche as it sounds, IF has taken a lot out of me and a lot from me, and I'm starting to feel very empty.

Anyway, I guess I know what I have to do - see about taking my dad up on his offer to help out financially. Hopefully going through a few cycles of treatments will bring some closure, if nothing else.


On tantrums and bridal showers

Thank you Rain and Daisy, for your thoughtful responses to my last post about the "Tar.get Tantrum." I do get that tantrums are probably much harder for the parents than the surrounding public, and I didn't mean to come off like I blame all parents for all their children's bad behavior. Mostly I just wanted to vent.

This will probably make me sound like a terrible person, but I do think there are some parents that need to do more to address/correct their children's bad behavior in public. In this particular case, the child was probably just shy of 2 years old, so it's not like you could blame him. What got me was that both of the parents were there and he was the only child with them. One of them could have taken him outside until he calmed down. Or they could have picked up the pace and tried to finish up their shopping instead of leisurely meandering around the store as they were. Twenty minutes is a long time to let a child scream in public. Maybe there was some reason beyond what was apparent that they chose not to do anything, and that's anyone's guess. What it looked like to me was two parents choosing to ignore their child's behavior rather than deal with it. But as we know, I'm a pessimist so of course I'm going to jump to that conclusion! I'm sure most of you ladies are a lot more generous than I am in that respect. :)

Now, onto the weekend. What a whirlwind - throwing two bridal showers in 24 hours! Both of them turned out beautifully, naturally! T's was Tuscan-themed, held at her mom's home late Saturday afternoon/evening. We had tons of pasta, bread, and wine, the tables and flowers were gorgeous, the games were fun, and T was thrilled. It was a great, if exhausting, day. And T was so sweet, she gave me a set of really nice outdoor wine glasses (i.e. plastic) as a thank-you for throwing the shower. I was just saying how I needed some, since we do most of our entertaining outside, so I LOVE them!

A's shower was Asian-themed (and no, I didn't realize until just now that "T is for Tuscan" and "A is for Asian" LOL), and it took place in my backyard Sunday afternoon. A works for a caterer and one of the other bridesmaids is an event planner for a hotel, so everything looked really professional - matching tables and linens, fancy matching folding chairs, chaffing dishes for all the food (veggie stir-fry, egg rolls and pot stickers, with red velvet cake and mochi ice cream for dessert), etc. My backyard has never looked so nice! And the decorations were perfect. We had Tibetan prayer flags at the gate, a cute "lounge" area, paper lanterns, cherry blossoms, and lots of red! I know I know, "PICTURES!" I'll post them when I get them all loaded up onto my computer. Promise!

Well, that was pretty much my whole weekend - cooking, cleaning, loading, unloading, setting up, tearing down, and running around in heels... Hubs and I did also stop by my parents' house to take photos in our African garb last night. (My parents are sending the pics to their friends in Cameroon.) I think we looked pretty cute! I'll post those too when I get them.

Last and least, today is CD5, and unless she's teasing me, I think AF is already on her way out. That's probably thanks to the herbs from my acu, because my whole life AF has lasted 7 solid days. Last month was more like 6 days, and now 5? Nice! I'm not too enthusiastic about TTC this C though. I kind of figure, with a 0.1% chance of getting pregnant, why bother? On the other hand, if we don't try I'll kick myself later, so I'm sure we will regardless. At any rate, all I'm interested in right now is a nice long nap. If only I didn't have to wait until I got home!


Insert clever title here

Last night I spent about an hour at Ta.rget picking up some stuff for one of the bridal showers going on this weekend. Now, I know this goes against the very fabric of womanhood, but I am not a shopper. When the mood strikes (and I have some extra cash) I enjoy wandering around Ta.rget or O.ld Na.vy looking for deals, but if I have to go, I hate it. It's even worse when I don't know EXACTLY what I want to get - I end up circling the store aimlessly, and that frustrates me. And nobody likes a frustrated Kitty.

Nevertheless, that is what I found myself doing last night - wandering around trying to find all the things I needed. And while I was wandering, my cramps were building. And I'd been sad all day thinking about my 0.1% chance of conceiving every month, and staring at women's bellies trying to determine if they were pregnant, and dodging strollers left and right, and generally feeling sorry for myself.

But then as I came near the toy section, I heard a child. Screaming. Steadily screaming, while his parents, yes, both of them, slowly pushed him up and down aisles in their shopping cart as if nothing was amiss. Every few screams the dad would "shh" at him, which of course worked wonders if his intention was to do NOTHING AT ALL. The kid wasn't crying, nothing was apparently wrong with him, he was just being obnoxious, and the parents were doing their best to ignore him, much to many other shoppers' irritation. Including mine. This went on for about 20 or 30 minutes (remember I was circling the store, so I passed them a few times).

On the one hand, kids like him make me grateful I don't have to deal with that crap right now. On the other hand, parents like them make me angry that people like us are the ones that can't get pregnant. I just want to yell at them, "Why do you let your kid do that??? Be a PARENT!"

Anyway, this week has been nothing short of NUTS, and it's not over yet. I just hope next week is a lot more mellow, and that next weekend I can enjoy doing NOTHING at all!

Have a wonderful weekend, everyone :)



Well, I can say one thing for AF: She is certainly punctual.


Still in the same place

I was a good girl and called the doctor back yesterday, and we were able to talk on my way home from work. I gave him the lowdown on my testing and told him how Dr. R (my acu) recommended ovarian reserve testing and a new SA for hubby. Dr. K (RE) didn't really think OR testing was necessary, since my CD3 b/w last year was normal. He was very nice and answered all my questions, but it pretty much came down to this: We've done all the testing, the odds of getting knocked up on our own are not good, and at some point or other it's time to move on to treatments.

I don't know why I'm so resistant to the idea of getting treatments. My dad has offered several times to help us out with the costs, which is incredibly generous and beyond sweet of him, but still I drag my feet. Maybe I'm too lost in the fantasy of getting pregnant on our own, maybe I don't have any hope that treatments will actually work, maybe I'm afraid that I'll ask my parents for the money and they won't be able to cover all of it so we'll still have to come up with a big bag of cash, or maybe I'm afraid that they'll change their minds because they're Catholic and the Catholic church doesn't approve of ART. I suspect it's all of that and more.

At this point I'm leaning towards giving acu and C+B another couple of months before going to the RE. That will give me time to both think things through and talk to my parents. Besides, I can't make a decision today. It's CD26 (12 or 13 DPO) and my brain is fried. Did I mention I'm going crazy as this 2ww draws to a close?? I wish I could just test and put myself out of my misery already, but I know even if I got a negative I'd still go nuts until AF arrives.

It is going to be a looooong day...


I think I found my RE

I can't believe I haven't mentioned this here yet, but last week I was doing some research on RE's, and I discovered that the doctor that my gyn referred me to (twice actually, but before I had any IF insurance coverage) has a really nice website. I'm such a sucker for a decent website! Not just a pretty, well-designed site, but one that's also informative, makes you feel like they care about their patients, and that they want your business. This site was like that. And bonus - they accept my insurance!

Well, on the site there's a note that says to contact them for specific pricing information. So I emailed saying I was waiting on a referral (technically I am, although I haven't asked my gyn for another one yet), gave them the reader's digest version of my history, and asked about pricing for testing. Lo and behold, by the end of the day I had a response - from the doctor! He gave me the price for an SA and also said with the extensive testing I've already had, he would need to talk to me about what other tests might be useful. I was impressed, and all the more impressed when that evening I had a voicemail from him following up on his email, and he even said if I couldn't call back until after hours I could have the answering service page him. Wow! Is this how all RE's are? I'm not even a patient yet!

So the question is, why haven't I called back? Honestly, the only excuse I have is that I've been super busy. But I'm going to do it TODAY. On my lunch break, since I won't have time after work. It's about time I stop dragging my feet already!


Happy June!

And happy NOT MONDAY, too! That's the best thing about going back to work after a Monday holiday, don't you think? Maybe the ONLY good thing, but by default that still makes it the best thing.

Sorry if I sound a little nutty, I'm just a touch delirious right now! Hubs and I got home late last night after having a jam session with the in-laws. No, we aren't preparing to tour the countryside as a family band, my SIL D and I were learning how to make jam. We made 4 batches of strawberry and 1 batch of blackberry (a total of 30 jars), both of which were absolutely scrumptious, and we had a blast. Hubs was so proud of his domestic diva! And now we have enough jam to last us... well, pretty much forever!

This whole weekend was rather "jam" packed, actually. (Haha, I crack myself up!) We spent all day Saturday cleaning the house and running errands for Sunday's 2nd annual backyard Beer Fest, which turned out pretty well, if I say so myself. We're starting to get the hang of all the preparations, so we weren't nearly as stressed this year. The weather even cooperated and it was a gorgeous, cloudless day in the low 70's, the nicest day all weekend. Everything went off without a hitch, and everyone had a great time!

I have a few pictures from both Beer Fest and and the jam session that I will try to remember to post later... But you know me - I'll probably get around to it later rather than sooner!

And now it's back to reality. Today is CD24 and my boobs (or "bubbies," as they say on the Housewives of NJ. BTW - is anyone else addicted to that show? It really is a dirty, shameful addiction, but I admit I'm hooked!) have been super sore for days. I was bummed because last month I had no PMS at all, and I figured that was thanks to my herbs. This month I've been on different herbs, so maybe they aren't as effective against PMS, who knows?

Also, who knows when AF is going to arrive?? Last C I thought she was 2 days early, but I probably just Oed sooner than usual, and this month I Oed on day 13 or 14, so I could be starting any time. Or maybe I'll be back to a 28 day C. It's a mystery, how exciting!! ;) Also, I've been slacking on my C+B. I've done maybe half of the sessions this C; I just can't seem to get into a routine, but that's probably because there's been so much going on this month. Hopefully I'll be better next C!

Keeping busy has done wonders in taking my mind off the 2ww, though. And it's not over yet! I still have a ton to do for my friends' T&A's showers (that was for you, ^J^, LOL), which are both this weekend. As much fun as I know they're going to be, I can't wait until they're over! I'm TIRED! No rest for the wicked, I suppose :)

I hope your week has started off right!