Still in the same place

I was a good girl and called the doctor back yesterday, and we were able to talk on my way home from work. I gave him the lowdown on my testing and told him how Dr. R (my acu) recommended ovarian reserve testing and a new SA for hubby. Dr. K (RE) didn't really think OR testing was necessary, since my CD3 b/w last year was normal. He was very nice and answered all my questions, but it pretty much came down to this: We've done all the testing, the odds of getting knocked up on our own are not good, and at some point or other it's time to move on to treatments.

I don't know why I'm so resistant to the idea of getting treatments. My dad has offered several times to help us out with the costs, which is incredibly generous and beyond sweet of him, but still I drag my feet. Maybe I'm too lost in the fantasy of getting pregnant on our own, maybe I don't have any hope that treatments will actually work, maybe I'm afraid that I'll ask my parents for the money and they won't be able to cover all of it so we'll still have to come up with a big bag of cash, or maybe I'm afraid that they'll change their minds because they're Catholic and the Catholic church doesn't approve of ART. I suspect it's all of that and more.

At this point I'm leaning towards giving acu and C+B another couple of months before going to the RE. That will give me time to both think things through and talk to my parents. Besides, I can't make a decision today. It's CD26 (12 or 13 DPO) and my brain is fried. Did I mention I'm going crazy as this 2ww draws to a close?? I wish I could just test and put myself out of my misery already, but I know even if I got a negative I'd still go nuts until AF arrives.

It is going to be a looooong day...


Lookingforaplussign said...

I was right in your shoes. I think part of me (like you) believed I still had the option to get knocked up on my own.

IF treatments are kinda freaky and scary. I think you'll know when you are ready for the next step. I think you'll have to mourn to ability to conceive naturally before you can move on to the meds.

But hey, although you chances seems low on your own, it still could happen.


E said...

I was opposite. I jumped at the chance of ART due to the fear that I would never succeed on my own...except for miscarriage. And I couldn't afford it but I thought even if I had a kid I would be poor anyway. Sure enough, the week before he was born my transmission went up and depleted our itty bitty savings of 3 grand. Pooey.