Weekend and workin'

This weekend seemed simultaneously long and short. Friday was such a mellow day at work that I hardly count it as a week day. I spent it in the wire room with my employee, E, and once we got all our work done we turned on The Goonies. She had never seen it before, can you believe that? Hubs said I should have made her do the Truffle Shuffle, haha. Hmm... I don't even remember what hubs and I did on Friday night! But Saturday and Sunday we were busy. We started seriously working on the window frames that have needed to be spackled and painted ever since we bought the house. I managed to completely finish our front window, which is 6' x 6' with a wooden grid. It took me almost 2 hours just to tape it off, then over an hour for each layer of primer and paint, but it looks great now! And now I get to order new curtains to replace the chintzy ones I've had up for a year and a half. The rest of the windows will get finished this week. We're finally ordering blinds for the other set of living room windows, and I'm making curtains for the kitchen and office. I can't wait! Hopefully that will make our house feel a little more "finished." Although, who am I kidding? We still have a LOT more work to do before it can even begin to be considered "finished!"

Saturday night we went to hubs' grandma's for Thanksgiving Dinner Part II. It was nice, we played with our little nieces and cousins, had some yummy Mexican food, and chatted with BIL and SIL. Afterwards we had a birthday party to go to - for my friend who was MOH in my wedding. We've let our friendship slack a lot over the past few years and hanging out with her reminded me how much I miss her. The party was great, it was a James Bond theme and she had each room in her apartment set up beautifully. The living room was for mingling of course, and the kitchen was the martini bar. She and her roommate moved their beds out of the bedrooms and set one room up with some armchairs and a loveseat with a movie projected on one wall (James Bond, of course). The other bedroom was the casino, with two card tables and chairs. Everything sparkled with candle light and looked so amazing. It was really fun! I got to talk with my friend a little, and am hopeful that we can rejuvenate our friendship once again.

So now, it's back to work we go, huh? I have been kind of wary of this week for a couple of reasons. Starting tomorrow, I have another two employees reporting to me. They work in a different department that works pretty closely with mine. I don't think it's going to be too difficult or anything, but it's a big change and that's a little scary! Also, one of the ladies who will be reporting to me is my cube neighbor who just returned from her maternity leave today. I'm thankful they didn't put me in charge while she was still pregnant; I have to admit I'm a little afraid of how the dynamic between us will be now. When we were both TTC (she tried for about 6 months) we talked all the time. I actually gave her tips on how to properly time BDing and then she promptly got her BFP. When she got pregnant it got awkward (for me) and we weren't quite as chatty anymore. Now I'm going to be her "boss." Although, honestly, I am not much of a manager! I take more the, "I'm here to support you" role than the, "I'm here to tell you what to do" role. So hopefully it won't be too weird.

That's my life right now. I'm also counting down the days until my LAP next Thursday. I can't believe it's actually going to happen. It's funny, most people say, "I hope they don't find anything!" But I'm hoping they DO find something - and that they can fix it. The unknown really sucks, and I think I'll be really bummed if it turns out "normal." I am so tired of hearing that. Obviously I'm NOT normal, just tell me what's wrong already! Of course, I also don't want to hear, "You have severe endo and it's unlikely you'll ever get pg." Ugh. I guess I will find out one way or another next week right? Oh - those of you who had the LAP, did your doctor tell you right away what the findings were or did you have to wait a few days for an official report?

Okay, hopefully these three lovely ladies will stop sharing their birth stories soon and I can get some work done. I hope you're all having a great Monday! It will go by quick!!


Goose eggs and turkeys

Well, I didn't even need to test. Last night spot showed up, and AF found me this morning. My neck is killing me and I'm just not really looking forward to this day (it's only 10:45 here at the moment). Hubs ran to the store just now to pick up a bottle of champagne for some mimosas to go along with the waffles I'm making for breakfast. Or brunch now I suppose.

If anyone else is having a downer of a day so far, just know you're not alone! I'm right there with ya, and there are a ton of wonderful women who have your back.

I'm going to try to make the most of today. The weather is beautiful here, hubs and I are going to see a lot of people we love, and hell, we have each other!

Today I'm thankful for YOU (yes, you reading this right now), and I hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving.



Okay, NOW I'm really starting to feel like AF is making her way over to me. I have all kinds of gas today, and cramps too (although, it's sometimes hard for me to differentiate between gas and cramps, but I get gas whenever I'm PMSed anyway). For my own good, hubs usually doesn't allow me to buy HPTs but he said I could if I needed to today. I haven't decided if I'd rather see a BFN today or wait for AF to ruin Thanksgiving tomorrow.

So, getting my mind off of that...

We have a bunch lined up for good ol' Turkey Day, and I was thinking about it yesterday - we're really going to be "celebrating diversity!" I don't usually give much thought to other people's religions, but it occurred to me yesterday that Thanksgiving is going to be quite the mash-up. It's interesting how religions will affect the dynamic (in subtle ways) of our day. Here's the plan:

Dinner isn't until 5, so we're thinking of taking some friends up on their offer to join them for drinks and a bbq in the afternoon. They're Jehova's Witnesses and don't technically celebrate Thanksgiving, but they get together every year to hang out while all the other friends are with their respective families. This will be the first time we'll be able to join them, so it should be a fun way to get the festivities started!

Next we're having dinner at my sister's house. She and her family are Jewish, and every year she and BIL take their tykes up to the mountains to play in the snow for two weeks around Christmas time (where do I sign up for that?? I want to go snowboarding so bad!). So Thanksgiving is the only time during the holidays that all of my siblings get together at once. My sister LOVES hosting TG dinner, and there will probably be between 20 and 25 people there. I hate to admit it, but it's not quite as fun as hubs' family's holiday get-togethers. It's a little quieter, and we aren't as familiar with all of BIL's extended family, his grown daughters and their significant others. BUT, since my in-laws have a TON of gatherings in December, I insist that my family gets priority on TG.

After dinner, we'll head over to hubs' parents' house for dessert with his family. They're Irish Catholic. My family is Catholic too, but hubs' family is the epitome of Irish Catholic - and they just like to have a good time. So holidays with them involve EVERYONE - including aunts, uncles and cousins (like 40+ people), and plenty of booze. It really is fun. (But MIL is a lot more fun after dinner is served and she's had enough wine to de-stress, so showing up after dinner works really well for us!)

So that'll be my day tomorrow. Hopefully AF doesn't decide to crash the party, but I'm thinking it's pretty much inevitable, so I'll just have to make the best of it. Unfortunately I have to work on Friday, so "making the best of it" can't include too much wine.

...But it can include just enough wine!


I'm bored

And boring. Therefore, this post will most likely be boring too. Sorry about that.

It's CD27. Although I don't have my usual pre-AF cramps and moodiness (yet), I do feel pretty pre-menstrual. I have that heavy uterus feeling, like AF is comin' 'round the mountain. Boo. I must admit that I was secretly (okay, more like overtly) hoping that this C would be THE C, and that I wouldn't have to get my LAP done in 2 weeks. I still have a glimmer of hope, but I'm not holding my breath by any means. And surprisingly, I'm not that down about it. Probably because it's Thanksgiving and I have other things on my mind. Of course, ask me how I'm feeling once AF makes her appearance and I'll be singing a whole different tune.

My neck is still bugging me, although it's a lot better than it has been. I think I'll be making another trip to the chiro soon. He did say he would be there all this week except Thursday, so that's nice. And I FINALLY made an appointment to get my blood drawn for my dang Celiac test! I only got the orders for it like 2 weeks ago... but well, it has been a little crazy at work with everything that's happened, so don't get on my case, okay?? :)

Oh good gravy, it's after 2:00 and I haven't gone to lunch yet. See, I told you it's been crazy around work! I hope everyone is having a lovely Tuesday!


The weekend & The adoption discussion

The goal was to have a nice relaxing weekend and we succeeded. I got a call from my mom on Saturday morning just to say hi. I normally talk to her every week or two for at least an hour, but I admit that for the past several months I've been slacking on some of my personal relationships. So lately she's been calling me. Which is nice actually, I usually don't get a whole lot of calls. Anyway, she and my dad asked us to come by for a bit that afternoon, which we did. We just hung out and chatted for a couple of hours. It was quite nice. Afterwards hubs and I went downtown for a beer for a friend's birthday. Sunday we did some house cleaning, watched some football and generally didn't do much. Good times :)

Friday night the hubs and I had a fun night in, just the two of us. We left the TV off and just chatted and had dinner (and maybe a couple sake bombs too). The conversation turned, as it so often does, to TTC, and I brought up the subject of adoption for the nth time. Hubs has never given me a straight answer when it comes to adoption. Me - I'm all for it. Down the road if we aren't able to conceive after whatever ART we decide to pursue, I would like to adopt. Hubs, on the other hand, would be perfectly content if it was just he and I for the rest of our lives, so it's understandable that he wouldn't think too much about adoption. So I explained to him how it is for me (and, I imagine, for many women). I said I've gone my entire life wanting and expecting to have kids one day. On top of that I'm pretty sure women are hormonally programmed with the desire to reproduce. So the thought that I might never have a child is pretty terrifying.

I must have explained it better this time, either that or the sake had sufficiently softened hubs to the topic, because he was very receptive. He said that if him being open to adoption makes it easier for me to deal with TTC and IF, then he would be open to it. And it's such a relief to me to know that one way or another, we WILL have a child some day. It might be 5 or 6 years from now, but it will happen.

So, now I am patiently awaiting the arrival of my dear old Aunt Flow. Today is CD26 and 10DPO and pretty much I just feel like I'm about to start bleeding at any moment. I kind of hope she shows up on Wednesday so I can get over the disappointment by the time Thanksgiving dinner rolls around. Even if I test negative before she shows up I'll still have that glimmer of hope, KWIM? Ugh, the torture...

Monday's over! Hope everyone's work week goes by quickly and painlessly :)


Little Miss Moody

I was really feeling sorry for myself most of the day today. I went to bed grumpy and woke up grumpier.

This IF crap is the shits. (Pardon the redundancy.) Maybe I 'should' hold out hope for this C, I am only 7dpo after all, but seeing as my bbs are noticeably less sore than they were a few days ago, I haven't been crampy the past two days, and I have no other 'signs' at all, I'm pretty sure we're looking at yet another bust.

Honestly, hubs and I have been TTC naturally for two years. I don't know why I keep hoping that some miracle is going to happen for us. Maybe one day when we have money to spare we'll be able to afford some treatments and an RE. It just really sucks going through this blindly and not being able to get the help we need.

Anyway, after being down in the dumps (wow, I'm really stuck on this whole fecal matter theme) until 2:00 today, I went to lunch intending to pick up a salad from McD's. Halfway there, though, I thought, "SCREW IT. I'm getting a Big Mac." So I did. I feel better now. I am a big believer in the power of comfort food.

Now I can look forward to a most uneventful weekend. We have no plans at all and after last weekend, I'm very happy about that. I also fully intend on slacking off for the next 20 minutes and leaving work 10 minutes early. Yep. That's how I roll.

Have a great weekend, everyone.


Pain in the neck

Thanks for everyone's comments yesterday (and today)! It's funny, I always think that So Cal is different, weather-wise (we all know it's "different" in many other ways), from the rest of the country. I imagine it's rainy or snowy everywhere else this time of year, but it seems like the weather is actually pretty similar. Except in Australia of course! 104 degrees, Mrs. Bee! I feel for you!

I finally got a good night's sleep last night for the first time this week, and I woke up with a kink in my neck. Ouch! By the time I finished drying my hair it hurt all over, and by the time I got to work it hurt just to move my head. Sigh. I am so sick of my neck acting up!

I was able to make an appt with the chiro for after work today, thank goodness. Having one adjustment really does help quite a bit, but I think I may have to go in for a few visits this time, because I seem to keep jacking my neck up a lot lately.

I know my problem is exacerbated by stress and lack of exercise. I am just too lazy to get my butt in gear, and too poor to get a gym membership with a trainer to keep me in line! How do you get motivated? Unfortunately hubs and I feed off each other's laziness, so I'm on my own I guess.


Okay, about this whole "positive thinking" thing - I'm over it!! I have been obsessing over every bodily change this C and I'm driving myself crazy. My bbs are still sore, but maybe not as sore as before. Other than that, I've had a little cramping, but nothing really of note. Ugh... I'm sure it all means nothing, but I can't stop thinking about it and it's starting to depress me. I just know it's going to end badly. AF is due on Thanksgiving and although I normally don't, I'm thinking of testing on Wednesday just to get the BFN out of the way.

At least it's Thursday, although I gotta tell you, I feel like this week should have ended twice already!


How's the weather?

Let's talk about the weather. Why not? :)

The thing I like about late fall and winter is that it finally cools off. Living in southern California, we don't get much variation between the seasons. The coldest I think I've ever seen it around here is in the 30's, and I'm talking overnight lows. There was one morning last winter when the dew on everything froze and that was a serious anomoly! I had no idea how to get the ice off of my windshield, and when I got to work I almost fell in the parking lot slipping across the ice. Weird!

The past few days it's been incredibly dry here. My poor hands are so sore! And today seems even drier than it has been. I've shocked myself multiple times on my car, and it hurt every time! I can't wait for the dry, clear sky to be replaced by clouds and rain, but that probably won't happen for several more weeks. Here's hopin'... Dry weather is never good here, this is fire season.

I am honestly curious: How's the weather where you live?


All the thoughts in my head

I am so out of the loop. To be honest, I do most of my blogging at work because I pretty much make my own schedule. But since C has been out on bereavement I've been covering her desk, which is ruled by the clock. So for those inquiring minds, here's what I've been up to this past week:

- First things first: The BD fest is over. I believe I Oed on CD16 and today is CD20, so now I'm just waiting. I got myself all excited over my super sore bbs the other day (if you hadn't noticed) and since then it's gone downhill. My current status is: not holding my breath/trying not to think about it.

- Friday was the viewing for C's husband, and Saturday was the funeral. Both were very sad, but nice ceremonies. It's strange that his passing has affected me so much, I suppose, considering I didn't know him very well. I still get teary thinking about it. I think for the most part I am just so sad for C's loss. But it has put things into perspective for me, too - I obsess over TTC and constantly worry that I'll never get pregnant. I guess I just feel like I should try to live in the moment a little more, and be grateful for what I do have, ya know? That's probably pretty common after an unexpected death, especially of someone so young.

- The weekend was really busy, but Saturday was an absolutely insane day. Here's how it went: Got up at 5:15 to go to work dressed in funeral attire, and did testing from 7:00 - 8:00 a.m. Went straight from work to the funeral where I met up with hubs. Went to breakfast afterwards, then to Lo.we's to attempt to buy a new front door (no dice - and I'm still SO SAD about that!). Headed home and hung out with hubs and a friend until it was time for girl's night at Katherine's, where we drank wine and played Wii. Also where Katherine whacked me in the back of the head (hard!) with her Wii controller (by accident of course). Left Katherine's and headed to another friend's house to meet up with the hubs again. We didn't get home until after midnight, and of course had to squeeze in one more BD session too! What can I say? We are determined.

- Sunday was much more mellow. We slept in then made breakfast out of whatever was left in the fridge. We had 2 eggs, a few pieces of bacon, some cheese and hamburger buns, so we decided to make breakfast sandwiches. To make the eggs fit on the bun we fried them inside a cookie cutter - which was the shape of a teddy bear. So we coined our breakfast creation the "Von Ruxpin" (y'know, like this guy). I took pictures but then the battery died on my camera and I haven't been able to upload them. Anyway, it was delicious and really cute. After that we did some wine and food tasting at a local wine shop with some friends.

- This week I am in training mode. I've got 3 more branches to train on this system, all 6 to go live starting next week, and one more disaster recovery test to get through in two weeks, and then (hopefully) I'll have a nice calm December at work. I seriously can't wait for November to be over already!! I'm almost looking forward to my LAP just so I can have a few days to rest. Oh yeah, and did I mention I found out I'm getting 2 more direct reports starting December 1st? I'm happy about that though, :) it's job security! And I like the girls who will be reporting to me.

- Tonight we're making the final insurance decision, I think I'll be switching to the plan offered by my work that pays 50% of IF diagnosis. Plus, I think it's cheaper than what we're paying now to cover me under hubs' plan through his work, so that will be nice.

Okay now I'm just babbling. If you made it all the way through this meandering post, then pat yourself on the back and give yourself a cookie. It's been a long day and I'm exhausted. I think I might just mess around online for a while until it's time to go home. Have a great evening!


Gonna be a long two weeks

I have to post this so I can keep track. :)

So, Wednesday I got my first + OPK, then another on Thursday. I am assuming I Oed on what, Friday then? We have been BDing every day since Tuesday. I'm pretty proud of us for being such troopers!

With everything that's happened this week, I haven't thought too much about TTC - until today that is. For one, my bbs have been killing me since last night. They hurt SO much. About as much as they normally do right before AF shows up. Yesterday I had a friend over and I could smell her house and pets on her. It was really strong to me for about an hour, almost to the point of being offensive, but hubs said he didn't smell anything. I am reading WAY too much into this, I know. Nothing to do but wait.

I'm trying to stay positive without getting my hopes up too high, but it's hard. I keep telling myself, "It could happen, but if it doesn't, maybe the Lap next month will help."

I know I've been a bad blogger lately. I have lots to write about, I just need to find the time. I've been trying to keep up with everyone, but honestly I have a lot to catch up on! I will try to do that later tonight. Enjoy the rest of your Sunday!



I finally saw a VERY positive OPK last night. Thank goodness. I was starting to think my internet cheapies were actually worth as much as I paid. We DTD last night, but had skipped the night before, I hope that doesn't hurt our chances. We'll be back in the saddle tonight too if I have anything to say about it (and we know I do).

ETA: Oh! Got another strong positive tonight :) Go eggies, go!


Things are, understandably, pretty sad around work right now. My two employees are best friends, so the one that is here (E) is feeling bad that she can't be with her friend (C) right now. She's been taking care of her and most of the arrangements the past couple of days. I went to see C on Tuesday after work and I don't think she even realized I was there. I have never in my life witnessed such grief. My heart is absolutely broken for her and her family. She has a lot of people around her doing their best to comfort her and her children though, and that is an amazing gift.

As if to punctuate the mournful feeling here, the weather is turning very gloomy. It was bright and sunny when I went to lunch just a couple hours ago, and now it looks like it's about to rain. I hope it decides to hold off.

In happier news, it's almost officially Friday :) I hope everyone has fun plans for the weekend.



I was out of town this morning on business when I received a call to head back to corporate. One of my employees lost her husband in a car accident last night. They have three children and just bought their first home this year. Yesterday was his birthday, he turned 31.

If you don't mind, please remember their family in your prayers.

I will post more soon. Lots of love to you all.


More plans for this C

I don't wanna do any work today. Sadly, I have to! But I can take a break :)

So you already know I'm a pessimist. But I'm going to put this out there - I am SUCH a pessimist that I'm actually afraid to think positively. In my warped mind, I think if I dare to hope then I'm automatically destined to fail. That the hope/optimism causes the failure. And I'm really afraid of how I'll feel if I spend 3 weeks building up hope for a C only to have AF show up. Let's face it, I'm depressed and have been for 5 years now. It's a chemical imbalance, it's hereditary, and I doubt it will ever go away entirely. In my mind, it's safer for me to maintain a steady level of pessimism than to get my hopes up and risk a major meltdown. I can't really explain why that is. I know I would never harm myself or anyone else, but I guess maybe I'm afraid of going back into that deep, dark depression, and not being able to get out on my own.

Obviously there's a problem with that way of thinking. I just can't go on being unhappy all the time. It sucks for me, it sucks for hubs, and it probably sucks for everyone else that loves me too. So my goal for this C is to try to think positively (emphasis on try). I'm not going to go out and buy baby clothes or anything, I just want to start thinking, "this could happen" instead of "this won't happen." If AF shows up I'm going to be depressed regardless. Isn't it better to try not to be depressed all month until then, than to constantly be pessimistic and down? It simply has to be better for my mental state than what I've been doing...right?

Since I refuse to go back on antidepressants unless it's absolutely necessary (the sexual side effects were awful for me, and really not conducive to TTC), my doc says I have to exercise to give my happy chemicals a boost. I've never been very active, so this is a real challenge for me, but I'm going to start tonight. This dang time change prevents me from doing anything outdoors after work, so I'll be doing yoga and other exercises that are indoor-friendly during the week. Then on the weekends I'll try to get hubs to go on bike rides with me or something. Hopefully this will help me keep a more optimistic outlook. If I succeed (or should I say when? haha), even if AF shows up I hope to feel a sense of accomplishment in knowing that I don't always have to be sad and hopeless. Fingers crossed.

In other news, my annual went well yesterday. My doc is ordering the blood test for Celiac disease, so hopefully I'll be able to rule that out soon. No big plans this weekend - just working around the house, and taking poor Catticus to the vet. He has another ear infection :( I'm looking forward to a nice relaxing weekend before the 2 weeks of craziness starts up at work on Monday. Hope everyone is having a fab Friday :)


Snug as a bug

Okay people, enough with the Snu.ggies already!

The Snu.ggie is possibly the most hideous invention ever. And it's not even a truly original idea - it's a glorified housecoat for goodness sake! It's a bathrobe on backwards! But everyone is crazy about the $30 (okay, 19.99 + 7.95 s&h) blanket with sleeves.

And now my beloved Wee.zer is in on the action!! For shame!

Okay, okay, I admit it does look cozy and handy, and I would probably use it if I had one in the house. However, that will never happen unless someone gives us one, because I refuse to spend good money on something so heinously ugly!

Triple threat

Last night I went to hubs's softball game. He plays every season (read: year-round) with his friends in a men's league and I used to go to his games all the time, but lately I've been over it. Usually some of the other wives are there, but you never know which ones will show up, and I'm just not always in the mood for making small talk.

Anyway, I had in fact decided NOT to go to the game when I got a phone call from one of the wives, S. She's one of my favorites and attends about as often as I do. She called to let me know that she was going and I wouldn't be alone if I decided to go too. So I changed my mind. I made myself a thermos of hot chocolate, bundled up in my coat and scarf, grabbed my giant blanket and headed out with the hubs.

The two of us and one other wife (along with her two small children) showed up within 5 minutes of each other. We chatted and got settled and I opened my thermos to take a sip of my hot chocolate - and immediately spilled it down my lower lip - burning it and my chin in the process - and down the front of my long white coat which I JUST got back from the cleaners. (It's not a fancy coat, just nice and cozy and I've missed it!) To make matters worse, this happened the exact moment S announced that she's pregnant.

So I spent the whole game with a painfully burned lip, stains on my favorite coat, and trying not to appear as completely bummed out as I felt. S's pregnancy was an "oops" - not that I for one second begrudge her and her husband of their blessing, they've been through some hard times for the past few years. They definitely deserve every happiness, and I am happy and excited for them. It's just that initial shock, you know? Well, I know you know. I still feel horrible that I couldn't bring myself to act as happy as I should have, but I can't change that now.

It was a rough night after we got back home. The floodgates opened and then hubs and I started sort of arguing, which then actually turned into a very productive conversation and ended in a good BD/FD session. :) So, all's well that ends well. Except for my poor coat of course.


Always be prepared

Today is the first day of the rest of this month. That's right, it's CD7 and therefore the beginning of the BD extravaganza. This is the last chance we'll have to TTC before the end of the year and we've gotta go all out! Let's see if I have all my provisions:

1. OPKs - check
2. Massage oil candle - check
3. Horny husband - check check
4. Positive attitude - ...working on it

I have my annual tomorrow - wee! That's always a fun time. I went to get my blood drawn today and discovered that when your form says, "Call your doctor to find out if you must fast," it actually means you should call your doctor to find out if you need to fast. Oopsies! Oh well, guess I'll just have to do it another day.

Other than that, nothing to report. Just trying to make it through the last 45 minutes of the workday. Hump day is almost over! (Oh! But not quite, bow-chicka-bow-wow!)


I need a brain-cation

My brain is all over the place lately. I'm up, I'm down, I'm thinking about work, family, friends, the holidays, my doctor's appointments, my lap... And over all of it is the dark IF cloud. I go back and forth between feeling hopeful that I may get pg some day, that maybe the lap will help, and then thinking, "who am I kidding?" - it's never going to happen, the lap is going to be a waste of time, and I'll be stuck in "unexplained" limbo land until we have the money to pay for ART. There isn't much time every day that I'm not thinking about IF in some way or other. It's consuming me and it's not getting better with time.

I'm pretty good at "faking it" when I'm not immediately faced with it - like at grown-up parties where there are no kids around and girls' night out after the moms have gone home to their families. But when the topic of babies and children comes up, the cloud settles right back over me. And of course it's worse when the kids are actually there.

If only my desire to procreate was like a light switch. I could just shut it off whenever it became too much for me. That would really be a load off. When people talk about their children I could just think about messy diapers, spit-up and drool, and not feel like I'm missing out on something huge. Or like I'm this inferior model of "human woman" - I look just like everyone else, but no matter how hard I try to make them, my parts just don't quite work the way they should.

I know the only thing I can do is try to keep my mind off it, stay busy. When I have something fun to look forward to it's a lot easier not to dwell on my bum reproductive system. But right now all I have to look forward to is a busy month at work, followed by the dreaded Holiday Season. (Clarification - IF is not the main reason I'm dreading the holidays, but that's for another post.) I know life isn't always full of fun, exciting things. I'm just feeling stuck, and I guess what I really want is something fulfilling in my life.

...And back to work I go.

Honest Award

Thank you, Tanya, for nominating me for this prestigious award :) I really like it! It reminds me of the "Rosie the Riveter" posters. We're a bunch of tough broads who can handle anything!

The Rules:
1. Thank the person who gave you the award. List their blog and link to it.
2. Share "10 Honest Things" about yourself.
3. Present this award to 7 others whose blogs you find brilliant in content and/or design, or those who have encouraged you.
4. Tell those 7 people they've been awarded HONEST SCRAP and inform them of these guidelines in receiving the award.

On to #2 - 10 Honest Things about yours truly.

1. I think I'm hilarious. I have a weird sense of humor that hubs doesn't always get, but I crack myself up all the time.
2. I try to stay out of political discussions but more and more things are starting to rile me up enough to start talking. I don't argue over anything I'm not educated about.
3. I not only love watching Metalocalypse, but I want to get some of their music too.
4. I HATE the thought of cleaning and doing yard work, but once I get into it I don't mind it.
5. I discovered that I'm a good cook - that was a surprise!
6. I'm a big believer in, "If you want something done right, do it yourself."
7. I'm learning how to listen to my intuition.
8. I'm an introvert, but I'm getting to be more outgoing. It's a conscious effort.
9. I talk to hubs about you ladies like I see you all the time.
10. I have a bad habit of comparing myself to everyone else.

Now I would like to nominate...




And... now I'm bleeding again? Not beavily, but it's a good thing I put a liner in!!

Oy. I hope my GP can help me figure this thing out.


Today is CD5 and the witch is already dead. My normal periods last a solid 7 days. This one started Thursday fairly heavily, then gradually tapered off until Saturday night when it apparently stopped altogether. Only 3 days. I had some pinkish CM yesterday and this morning and that's it - not even enough to be considered spotting.

Given the wacky periods this month and back in July, and the weird OPKs this C (hubs says he saw a + on the one I forgot to check, but I don't know for sure) I'm worried that I'm not ovulating regularly. Not to beat a dead horse or anything, it's just freaking me out! I have my annual with my GP on Thursday, so I guess I'll add this to my list of stuff to talk to her about. Ugh. I just don't need anything else to worry about.



I'm using the Diva Cup today, and all I can say is, UGH. First off, I had a helluva time getting it in straight. Okay, it's actually STILL not in straight but if there's a way to fix that I can't figure it out. So I decided to just leave it and see what happens.

What has happened so far is I'm in mild pain. I can't actually feel the cup, but I feel pressure that's almost like cramps and a lower back ache. It's a little unnerving and I'm seriously considering chucking this thing and exploring my other options. Two reasons I haven't done that yet: 1. I like the idea of using something that doesn't absorb, since that stuff tends to dry me out and irritate my skin, and 2. I spent over $30 on this thing! Plus $10 for special soap to clean it with. But every time I use it I get so frustrated I end up in tears, and it just adds to the devastation of another C down the drain. So... I'm not so sure it's worth the hassle.

I'm starting to wonder/worry that I might occasionally have anov C's. AF has been pretty light and mild this month. I haven't had much in the way of cramps and I didn't really have PMS either. I'm going to have to start using OPKs religiously, I want to find out what the heck is going on.