Losing my marbles

I sit in an aisle lined with 7 cubicles.  Only one cube besides mine is currently occupied, and that person is rarely at his desk.  So sometimes I talk extra loud or say ridiculous things or even sing because I know if anyone can hear me they won't know that I'm really only talking (or singing) to myself.

Does that make me nuts?

Because I feel like I'm going nuts here.

But on the bright side, I applied for 5 jobs last night!  So hopefully my insanity will be short-lived.


The good stuff

Okay, so remember a couple of weeks ago when I said I have some news but I wasn't quite ready to share yet? Well I still don't feel like I can do it justice but I'm dying to tell you anyway, so here goes.

My friend A and I are starting a women's group! It's something she's been thinking about doing for months, and when she asked me to help I jumped at the chance. I find it difficult to explain the purpose of the group because technically speaking, there's no specific focus. We will talk about everything and anything that's important to us, with the intention of being open to learning new things and improving ourselves by hearing the different perspectives of other members. It'll also be a place for encouragement and support in setting and reaching personal goals. Our "slogan" is Girl talk, redirected, because it's definitely all about sharing and discussing, but without the griping, drama, or negativity that can sometimes arise when women get together to gab.

I hope that didn't sound too touchy-feely. Okay, the group is kind of touchy-feely, and even though I'm generally quite the opposite, I'm excited about it! It'll be good for my personal growth to be a part of it, and helping launch it with A somehow completely meets this need I had to DO SOMETHING. Preferably something useful. We had our first trial meeting last Friday and it went really well. There's a core group of 5 of us, and we're kind of slowly inviting others to join in as A and I feel our way through this process. We want it to be fun and enjoyable, but we do have some structure to keep things organized too. We have a blog (which I'm not quite ready to share with the world yet, but I'll eventually post a link), a Twitter account, and a FB page, which we're still working on as well.

So that's the BIG thing.  And I welcome any questions you might have, I'm not sure how much detail you're interested in.

Other stuff that's going on - Well for one, Hubs and I are working on improving our marriage, getting the ol' spark back and generally making our home life more fulfilling. I'm pretty excited about focusing on us - something I actually have control over! I think it will make us both a lot happier. We've been talking more about my job options as well. We determined that we can afford for me to take a job that pays a little less than what I'm making now, but that's more in line with my interests and skills. So that opens things up quite a bit and makes me feel a little hopeful. Another option is taking a stress leave while I continue to search for another job. That's not something I really want to do, but work is getting worse and worse almost every day. It's just a matter of time before something gives, I just hope that something isn't my sanity.

Thank you for the well-wishes yesterday, I'm actually feeling a lot better on the YI front today. Thank God too, I was at the point where I wanted to tear out my lady business with my fingernails for a while there! My new boss has been off my back most of today, I just have to stay off her radar for another hour and I can go home for a nice long, relaxing weekend :)



Warning: TMI and whining ahead.

I've been going nonstop at work lately and it is catching up with me.  As soon as Aunt Flo left town on Sunday I was immediately visited by her evil step-sister and my arch nemesis: Yolanda Ingrid.  And because it just wouldn't be my life without Murphy's Law going into effect at every possible opprotunity, my usually fail-proof method of getting rid of YI is either not working or it's irritating my poor lady bits even more, because here we are 3 days later and I'm still absolutely miserable.  Now I'm debating whether it's worth it to not medicate tonight just so I can go to the doctor tomorrow and hear, "Yup, it's a YI, and yup, your skin's irritated."  But I may drive myself even crazier than I already feel if I don't go.  Ugh.

So yeah, I'm at work and it's horrible just to sit down.  And to stand up.  And walk.  ...I don't think I'm getting much done today.

On the brighter side, I was supposed to be off today and tomorrow to enjoy a nice 5 day weekend with the Hubs.  Unfortunately, since we STILL haven't filled the open position in our department, that's not happening because we don't have coverage.  But, I do get to take half a day off tomorrow, isn't that generous of them?  And maybe, just maybe, I won't have to work on Saturday morning.  For the record, Hubs still has a 5 day weekend, the lucky duck.

I guess I'll stop whining now, at least long enough to take some advil, tylenol and AZO yeast pills.  And maybe a Benadryl.  I wonder if I have anything stronger in my pharmacy/purse, it might make it easier to get through the day if I can be a little loopy.  Just kidding... kind of.

And yes, eventually I will tell you about the GOOD things going on in my life lately.  But right now I can't muster the enthusiasm.


Checking in

Hey peeps!  I hate being so busy that I have no time for blogging.  There's so much I have to say and yet I have zero time to turn my jumbled up thoughts into even one coherent post.

Stuff is the same, though life is changing.  I am sorting through some emotions right now and progressing towards something like happiness, I think.  And I'm dying to tell you all about it.  Hopefully I'll get home on time tonight and have an hour alone so I can finally put it all down.

Back to work now.  I wouldn't want one of my 17 bosses catching me in an un-overwhelmed moment, you know!  They'd think I have time on my hands and give me another project to work on.  ;)




A regular gal

I haven't missed a single period since my very first one, not even for those five minutes I was pregnant if you count the implantation spotting that started right when I was due for AF.  It's like my body just craves that monthly gift.

Well, I never said my body was rational.  Just predictable.

AF sucks.  Can I get an Amen?  And not just because of the infertility thing.  It's generally a pain in the arse that I'd rather not deal with.  IF adds a whole other dimension (or three) to that suckiness.  Not only is it a very unnecessary reminder of what my body can't do, but since my body can't do that thing, I ask you, what's the point of having a period?  I repeat: UNNECESSARY. 

I'm not naming names here, but someone should have included an AF-OFF switch in the design of the human female body.  Think how handy that would be during nearly all phases of life!

Teenage years:  Want to wear your new white Daisy Dukes?  Got a hot date?  (Over-the-clothing groping only of course!)  Flip the switch and delay your monthly bill until tomorrow!

Child-bearing years:  Can't afford baby #7?  Your plumbing's busted and you're tired of crying in the bathroom stall at work every month?  Taking a second honeymoon with your hubby?  Not an issue!

Menopause:  Why go through years of sputtering ovaries?  Just flip that switch for good and call it done!

For some reason someone never comes asking for my sound and fail-proof input on these matters.  Though obviously they should; I'm a wealth of great ideas.  This one would be perfect today since AF decided to show up a day early, and I forgot to bring supplies with me to work.  So, dear someone, in case you're taking enhancement requests for the next round of evolution, I humbly submit the "AF-OFF Switch" for your consideration.  Maybe I can catch a break in my next life.


This weekend is gonna suck

Okay, maybe it won't suck completely.  But read on and I think you'll understand why I'm not looking forward to it one bit.

Reason #1 this weekend will suck:  I have to come in to work tomorrow for four hours.  It's really not that big of a deal; I plan on wearing overly comfy clothes and showering tonight so as to maximize my sleep time.  I'll be home by 12:30 and Hubs has to work anyway too.  Still, there's something a little disheartening about it being Friday when you know you still have an extra day of this crap to look forward to.

Before I tell you the second reason, maybe you should sit down.  Y'know, in case you were standing at your computer reading blogs.

Sitting down now?  Good.  Deep breath...

Because it's Superbowl.  Don't hurt me!  Football just doesn't do it for me.  And although under normal cirumstances I enjoy a Superbowl party as much as the next person, reason number three explains why these aren't normal circumstances.

Number three: At this party, there's an excellent chance I'll run into 3 or 4 of Hubs's friends' pregnant wives.  I haven't seen any of them since they got pregnant.  As much as I genuinely like each of them, I'm dreading this.  Hence the reason I haven't seen them since they got themselves in a family way.  They know about my IF, so hopefully it won't be as painful as I anticipate.  And if it is, Hubs gave me an out and said we can leave early if it's really bad.  I love that man.

At least the day is half over now.  Hope you're having a happy Friday :)


The work situation, and so forth

Gosh I feel like I just have no inspiration to write lately, and that sucks!  I'm sure my muse is missing due to work craziness.  Not that I blame her, if I were a muse I wouldn't want to hang around me at work either! Seems like it's all I think about lately even when I have a good day, like yesterday.  Before I tell you about it, a quick refresher: I have a new female boss, let's call her Chilly since she's kind of frigid.  We both used to report to Mr. Big but her title was recently changed so I report to her now, though I still have a good rapport with Mr. Big and talk to him frequently.

Okay.  So.  We're having some serious staffing issues with the loss of one of my girls a few weeks ago.  (Loss is a poor choice of words - sounds like she died, she didn't, she was fired.)  Her position is proving harder to fill than an incontinent bladder, not to mention it's really more than a one-person job, and the three of us left over are struggling to make things work.  Literally none of us can call in sick much less take any time off, plus we're having to work a lot of overtime (which is great for my underlings who get paid for it!  But not so much for me).  I'm having to fill in for operational stuff instead of actually managing the department, and my work is suffering as a result.  Basically the whole department is hanging on by a very fine thread that could snap at any moment.

As you can imagine this has caused a LOT of anxiety in our normally even-keeled department.  Chilly's new position was supposed to take some of the pressure off, but she's been sick (yeah, no problem with her calling in) and dealing with family stuff so she's been no help at all and MIA more often than not.  So yesterday I laid it all out for Mr. Big.  It's been 3 weeks and there have been zero applicants for the open position.  We can't keep working like this.  I asked for a temp and at first Mr. Big sort of laughed, but I kept pushing and lo and behold, ten minutes later he was meeting with the CFO.  Directly after that Mr. Big informed me we were approved for a temp! By the beard of Zeus, I am so glad I opened my big mouth.  Please keep your fingers crossed that they find someone even just halfway decent very soon.  I already know I won't be able to take the two days off I requested (and desperately need; just ask my aching, tense neck), but at least maybe we'll be covered for one girl's jury duty and the other's kid's dentist appointment.

Mr. Big and I also had a very frank discussion about the staffing in general for the department.  I pretty much told him in so many words that he risks losing employees.  So we brainstormed some ideas, and I think one of them could work.  It's going to take some finagling, but if it does I think it will take off at least some of the pressure that we feel even when we're fully staffed.

***End long, boring commentary; bless you if you read the whole thing.***

In personal news, I've been working on a project with my friend A for the past couple of weeks.  I can't wait to tell you about it, but that's a post for another time.  We're still in the very early stages and I'd rather wait until I have more to tell, which will probably be in the next 2 to 3 weeks.  But I'm very, very excited!

Also, Hubs spent his day off yesterday putting up drywall in the garage/man cave.  Which means one of my "to do" items is being worked on!  Okay I realize I'm cheating because I haven't personally done any work on it, but Lord knows I eventually will and it still counts as progress!  Once the drywall is up and painted, we'll be installing the storage cabinets that have been waiting patiently in the middle of the garage for the past 2 years.  That means one day I'll have a clean surface to fold laundry on!  And like, a place to store my detergent and whatnot!  And who knows, I may even be able to park my car in there some day.  Dream big, I always say...