1. Today was a crazy ass day! I started a post about how boring my job is, and how I never have enough work to get me through the day, then I ended up getting slammed with enough work for three days! I secretly love these kinds of days though, they make me feel useful.
2. My department is being audited internally, and my cube neighbor is convinced the auditor has the hots for me. I say let him! And what's more, I'll even be nice to him (okay, I'm actually nice to everyone). Maybe he'll give us preferential treatment!
3. I live a pretty drama-free life, but people are stirring it up lately and I am sick of it. I think I'm gonna fly under the radar for a bit.
4. I'm ditching a baby shower in a few weeks to go to a Dodger game for my birthday. How many of you would spend your birthday at a baby shower?? Not me. (Okay, technically it's 2 days later, my b-day is the 23rd - Thurs, and the shower is Sat the 25th. But still.)
5. Hubs wants to go check out another A4 tonight! Oh, how I am lusting after this car. Only now he wants me to pick up dinner at the grocery store. I loathe the grocery store, especially after work. :P
And hey, it's time to go home! Happy Hump Day Eve!
This has probably always been the case for me, but until TTC I never realized that I tend to have really vivid dreams during the 2ww. Last night I dreamt that a woman I know who recently had a baby was telling me she couldn't have kids. Even though it was obvious she'd given birth within the last few weeks. I got so upset I just turned around and ran away. I woke up in a terrible mood of course, but now I think it's a little funny. Can you imagine doing that in real life? Sometimes I'd like to just run away when people say stupid things!
It was a nice weekend. We spent Saturday at my friend Tracy's engagement party, which was lovely (mmmm tacos and margaritas!). On Sunday we went out to breakfast at our favorite joint, then went off to test drive an Audi (we're thinking of buying my friend's 2006 A4), and I fell in LOVE. It has power, it's comfy, it's pretty... I want it! :) But we'll see if we actually end up getting it. We capped off the weekend with dinner at the in-laws' last night. Very mellow, good times.
This little vacation has been good so far, I'm already feeling more relaxed about TTC, and looking forward (but not in any rush) to starting back up. I want to give it our best shot for a few months before moving on to the RE, so I've of course been starting to plan. I think I'll use OPKs religiously until we change insurance, keep up on the green tea, and be EXTRA CAREFUL to avoid any more lady part issues. I gotta tell you, that last one is the LEAST fun. I'm a fiend for carbs, and I've been majorly cutting back on sugar and refined/white flour. I no longer look forward to lunch because I don't get sandwiches anymore, and I hate salad! There are only so many wraps a girl can eat! Sigh... but if it works, it is totally worth it. Plus, I think I've lost a couple pounds already. Gotta look at the bright side, right?
Happy friggin' Monday.
Sunday I was a little hungover and drank iced green tea all day long (like 5 or 6 tall glasses). I had a HUGE glob of stretchy CM Sunday night. I was out of green tea at work so I've been drinking this herbal tea all week, and I've been really good about drinking water all day long lately too **pats self on the back**. On Tuesday and Wednesday I had RIDICULOUS amounts of EWCM. Like having to go to the bathroom regularly to clean up for fear of all the moisture causing another YI. Then yesterday and today I've been having craploads of sorta lotiony CM, again, several trips to the john to keep things dry. It's just odd.
Also, I just want to say that sex on a break is soooooooooo much better than TTC sex!! :)
Last night I had a dream that I did IVF, POAS, and it was +. And I thought, "They do exist!" Then I found out I was was carrying 5 babies - 2 girls and 3 boys (and somehow I knew all of this in the first few weeks). It was pretty vivid, I could feel pressure on my tummy, and I was excited, scared, and worried all at once...
So, ^J^ has posted on her blog about the meaning of dreams. I have never been a believer in that stuff. I think dreams are waaaaayyyy too subjective to generalize like that. But this I can believe:
To dream that you are taking a pregnancy test, may be a metaphor for a new phase you are entering in your life, blah blah blah... Alternatively, this dream may be literal in meaning and address your anxieties/fears of getting pregnant.
Hahaha. Uhh yeah, do ya think?? I think it also had something to do with watching America's Funniest Home Videos for a few minutes last night, and they showed that clip of a mom with her 4 little babies curled up with her in bed, laughing hysterically whenever their dad made a certain noise (I just love that one!). Plus, I always said I wanted 5 kids, mostly boys. So there ya go. My dream has officially been deciphered!
I spent half the day yesterday planning our road trip to Iowa... which takes place in SEPTEMBER. The whole point of the road trip is to explore, venture out, and be spontaneous... but I am a planner! And when I get excited I PLAN! I can't help it. :)
Want to see where we're going? Okay look:
(The red line is how we are getting there and the blue line is coming home.)
We'll be gone for 2 weeks, spending about 4 days in Cedar Rapids (where hubs' cousin lives) and 1.5 days in Denver. We're also stopping in Phoenix to see the Dodgers play the DBacks, and in Kansas City to see a Royals game. And we're debating whether to go to Vegas (for hubs' and some friends' birthdays) or the Grand Canyon (which neither of us has been to) the first weekend. Other than that we'll just be driving, driving, driving...
So lately I've been googling offbeat things to see on the road. Can you tell I'm a little excited about this trip? I've never been on a "real" road trip before, and I've never driven farther east than Flagstaff. We're taking main highways, but going the same way as route 66 (well, most of the way), so I'm sure we'll have plenty of opportunities to see some wacky stuff, and that's what I'm looking forward to most.
I'm sure I'll have lots more to say about this in the next 2.5 months, but I'll give it a rest for now! :)
Happy Hump Day!
It was great! My friend and I drank both the bottles of wine we brought along so I don't really remember the music all that much. But I do know that John Williams conducted the orchestra as they played the score to Star Wars, while fireworks were simultaneously (and triumphantly!) set off at the end of the show. That made hubs VERY jealous as he is the biggest Star Wars nerd in the history of Star Wars nerds. You might think, "No way, my husband/brother/friend is a bigger nerd," but I assure you, that is not the case. Unless yours dresses up and goes to conventions, my hubs takes the cake. (ETA: Clarification, hubs does not dress up and go to conventions, short of that he is the biggest Star Wars nerd around. LOL he's going to kill me when he sees that's what people are thinking now. Hehehe...) Luckily, my friend caught the whole show on her iPhone, so hubs will get to see it. (Oh yeah, and he loves fireworks too, he's a big 'splosion nerd as well.)
Saturday - The Beach
We spent the day with hubs' family at their camp site at the beach on Saturday. It was a nasty, cloudy, overcast day at home, but up the coast about 60 miles it was GORGEOUS. We sunbathed a little, then I indulged in even more wine with my SIL and MIL. A very nice time, even being surrounded by babies (my other SIL and BIL were there with theirs and had invited some friends up who also have a 5 or 6 month old).
After a weekend of wine, I was feeling like crap yesterday! And also feeling very grumpy, drinking does that to me too. We did some browsing for a new front door, then went out to lunch before heading to my parents' house. My sister and BIL also showed up with their 3 youngest kids (did I mention they have 7 between them?), and we ended up staying for dinner. It was a good time. Then as everyone was saying their good-byes, people started wishing hubs happy Fathers Day "next year." Sigh.
As we were walking out the door, my dad then tells us that we don't need to worry because "there's no infertility in our family." ::::FacePalm:::: First of all, that is not true. Secondly, I wasn't even really thinking about it and definitely did not want to talk about it. I'm wondering whether I should educate my family on what infertility actually means. It seems to me that none of them knows.
Poor hubs on the way home told me he now understands how I feel on Mothers Day with people making comments to me about having kids. What sucks is I didn't even think to prepare myself for Fathers Day.
And here we are, back to Monday. Hopefully it'll ZOOM by, followed by the rest of the week, and we'll be enjoying Friday evening again soon!
“The growth of love is not a straight line, but a series of hills and valleys. I suspect that in every good marriage there are times when love seems to be over. Sometimes these desert lines are simply the only way to the next oasis, which is far more lush and beautiful after the desert crossing than it could possibly have been without it.”
I think a lot of women tend to have an idealized vision of what marriage is supposed to be like, and then end up feeling bewildered when they realize it's not all hearts and kisses.
I know a couple of young women who are having a hard time in their marriages right now, to the point where they have seriously considered leaving. Not because they don't love their husbands but because being married wasn't what they thought it would be, for one reason or another. Throw in a good quarter-life crisis and it's a recipe for disaster. It breaks my heart when couples have marital problems. I just wish I could hand over to them what minute wisdom and patience I've learned over the past few years.
Anyway, not to get too heavy on a Friday! I'm just grateful that so far hubs and I have been able to work through what hard times we've gone through (TTC included) because now we're stronger, more in love, and happier than ever. :)
Her job is customer service/technical support and she spends all day answering phone calls. Several times a day she gets really frustrated with a caller and says something snippy after hanging up.
Then she'll say something along the lines of, "I'm hormonal, don't mess with me!"
This was cute the first, oh I don't know, thirty or so times I got to listen to it. But now, not so much.
I want to just laugh it all off all the time, but she's getting on my nerves!
I maintain that being pregnant and hormonal does not give you a free pass to be bitchy all the time.
Vag Update: Turns out the doc at my GP is a lot more laid back than the NP, which was nice. I was actually able to ask questions for once. I didn't get a whole lot of info I didn't already know, but at least I felt like I got all my concerns out there. So, it's not yeast, and not bacteria. He took a culture just in case, and also gave me an Rx for dif.lucan, just in case. Sigh... I'm pretty sure this means my old unexplained itchies are back after 2+ years of leaving me in peace. I do have some meds for it, but I think I'll wait to see if the culture grows out before I start using them. Who knows, maybe I'll get lucky and it will clear up on its own seeing as it's not as bad as it used to be. The power of positive thinking, right??
Other Stuff: I decided I need to spend more time with the girls. (And no, by "the girls" I don't mean my fun bags, I mean my female friends! Geez.) I have been neglecting them lately, and the silence of my cell phone is a testament to that. So on Friday I'm going with a pal to see J.osh Gro.bin at the Holl.ywood Bo.wl. I'm not a particular fan, but hey, free tickets! And I've never been there, so it should be fun. We're gonna bring some wine and a picnic, which makes anything fun!
Unfortunately, that means I also have to let hubs do stuff without me too. Which only bothers me when he's out doing stuff I want to do - like going to the Dodger game tomorrow! Lame. Maybe I'll try to have an impromptu girls night at my place while he's out.
Okay, back to yet another day in the longest series of boring days at work there ever was. I think I need a new job.
Happy Hump Day!
It took me 3 hours to decide to go to the doctor. I need professional help here, but last time I went in the doc looked at me like I was a moron for coming in for a YI. They don't know my history there and they don't give me time to explain. I always feel SUPER rushed there. I miss my old doctor so much, he was amazing, but he doesn't take my insurance. I can't WAIT until we can change back to PPO and I can go back to him.
Normally I see the NP, but she's not available so I'm seeing the doctor today. I just hope he doesn't tell me there's nothing he can do. I've actually had a doctor tell me that before for this problem. Nice, right?
In non-vag news, I finished the Twi.light series last night. I have to say, it was utterly average. The worst part, though, is that the last book is this ENORMOUS buildup, followed by the most anticlimactic ending imaginable. If you haven't read the series, let me confirm that you aren't missing anything by skipping it. I'm going to need to read something really good to get this bad taste out of my mouth. Any suggestions?
Saturday was lovely. Hubs had to work until about 1:30, so I stayed home and watched He's Just Not That Into You. It was actually better than I thought it would be. Then I went down to hubs's work and we drove out to the Greek Festival together for lunch. Mmm... spanokopita (spinach-filled filo triangles), dolmades (stuffed grape leaves), saganaki (flaming broiled cheese), loukaniko (sausage) and the piece de resistance - a baklava sundae! And a box of pastries to take home with us to boot. Man. I'm hungry again! I guess Ni.a Vard.alos even showed up, right as we were leaving, so I missed that little celeb sighting. Oh well! I got what I went for!
After the Greek Festival we went to a barbecue, cuz, ya know, I was obviously still hungry. It was a better time than expected (at the home of a couple that has a 3 year old and a 7 month old). And I found out another of my friends is THIS CLOSE to getting engaged too! Very exciting times for a wannabe wedding planner like me :)
Yesterday we didn't do much, cleaned the kitchen, went out to lunch, and then went and saw The Han.gover. It was funny, no Will Ferrell comedy for sure, but funny.
I have decided that I'm going to plan a dinner party for next month. I have all these grand ideas that I'm sure won't QUITE come to fruition, but I've gotta at least try! It looks so pretty in my head.
Now off to daydream the rest of this ho-hum Monday away...
Today started off with a bang. As I was getting ready in the bathroom, Atticus kept trying to squeeze his body under the sink (the cabinet thing is raised off the floor). I had no idea what he was doing, but he was intent. I'd pull him out, but he'd just crawl back under there, tail whipping around all spastically, paying no attention to me at all even whileI was dragging him out. Then I saw it waddle out from under the sink - A HUGE beetle!! It had to be 2+ inches long and 3/4 inch wide. EWWW! I screamed and made hubs get up out of bed to take care of it. *Shudder* I asked him what it was and he said, "I think it's a roach." I told him no way, roaches don't get that big here. They're tiny here. Then he admitted that he's never seen a roach before. *Rolls eyes* So no idea what the mystery bug was or how it came to be in my bathroom, but thankfully it's gone now.
I am ready to go back to bed!!
My cat. He's crazy.
I'm not joking when I tell you that my period is his FAVORITE time of the month. That right there should tell you how weird he is. He loves it for 3 reasons:
All three of these products utilize types of paper in their packaging that make a very satisfying crinkly noise when crumpled, which brings him running to the bathroom every time. He particularly likes the little paper lining on the back of a pantyliner and will play fetch with it for hours. It is, by far, his favorite toy. I wouldn't mind this at all, but I end up with crumpled up pantyliner backings hidden in various places throughout the house for a week every month.
I've tried buying him real cat toys but anything without a string holds no interest for him, and anything with a string he eats! I even bought a laser pointer because he loves chasing shadows, and I figured it would be about the same concept (with less energy output from me, natch). He did love it the first 2 or 3 times we used it. Then he slid a little too fast around a corner on our hardwood floors, and slammed his side pretty hard into a bookshelf. Shortly after that he learned that he can't catch that little red dot, and has given up trying.
So, I will continue to allow him to play with the wrappers from my feminine hygiene products every month. His enthusiasm for "that time of the month" is sometimes the one thing that brings a smile to my face when AF defeats me yet again.
Yes, I'm bummed, and trying to keep myself from breaking through the wire room window and jumping off the balcony.
But I suppose I will turn my mind towards more productive things, like making plans for every single weekend this summer. What, you thought I was going to say I'd get some work done?? Hah! Right.
I'm wishing everyone else in the TWW better luck. And I'm raising a martini to those who met with the same fate I did this C.
Yep. Huge, glaring BFN. I couldn't even IMAGINE another line on there.
I was hoping I wouldn't be too down about it, but I was. And am. Freakin' AF and her mind games, I still haven't started yet. I just hope she finally decides to come by today and put me out of my misery.
So I guess I'm on summer vacation now. I'll try to think about that instead of my bunless oven. It's not much of a consolation, but I suppose it's needed, and it will be a good thing.
My cycles are usually 28 or 29 days long, but I've been known to go 30 or 31 days from time to time, so I can't really say I'm late. I think I Oed on CD16, so it would make sense for me to start today.
There, now that I said it I'm sure AF will show up posthaste. Are you happy, AF???
Thank you everyone for your sympathy about my YI issues. I am not entirely sure what's causing me to get them so frequently. I know I tend to get them when it's warm out, and lately it's been more humid than usual too. I wouldn't be surprised if diet also had something to do with it, I am a fiend for carbs. I think it's partly stress too. So yeah, there's definitely more I could be doing, and am starting to do, to try to prevent them. It's such a pain!
Hopefully my new plan of attack will blast this Yolanda infestation to smithereens and I'll be back to normal ASAP.
I actually had quite a nice weekend. We went to the Reagan Library on Saturday, and that was fun. The Magna Carta was on display, and it was amazing. There were originally 30 copies of it made, back in 1215, and only 4 exist today. It was surprisingly small, maybe only 12" x 12", and written on a piece of sheepskin so thin it looks just like paper. And the writing was SO TINY - probably the equivalent of 5 or 6 point font - and perfectly straight. Crazy. We also got to walk through Air Force One which was really cool. It was in use for 20+ years, so several Presidents have flown on it.
After the Library, hubs and I went to visit my grandma. I felt so bad, she only lives 45 minutes away but I hadn't seen her in over a year, at my grandpa's funeral no less. She was very happy to see us, and didn't even lay on any guilt until we announced that it was time for us to go. Oh well. She is 84 years old and can't move around much anymore, so she gets bored sitting at home all day. My uncle lives with her, and she has a nurse too, so she's not all alone, but still. That has to suck. I get bored being at home for ONE day by myself.
The rest of the weekend was mellow, saw some friends, had dinner with my family yesterday, etc. I had to make sure to spend as much time out of the house as possible, since last weekend was spent entirely indoors feeling miserable! :P
Today is CD29. I don't really feel like AF is going to show up today. I hate it when she takes her time, but I suppose it doesn't really matter this month, since we're starting "summer vacation" as soon as she shows up. It really is kind of a relief, especially with all these YIs, maybe I won't feel as pressured and stressed every time I get one. And I can have some time to figure out what works for me to prevent them. I am trying to drink lots of water, avoid alcohol (especially beer), cut back on starchy and sugary foods, take lots of acidophilus and A.ZO Yeast pills, all cotton undies and loose clothing whenever possible... Ugh. Such a pain. But if it works it's completely worth it.
Anyway, yeah. Just waiting for AF to rear her ugly head! And hoping today speeds by!
I had a TERRIBLE weekend last week, and because of that I'm particularly anxious for this weekend to start! So, of course today is just dragging along...
There's not even much stupidity going on on the Gyn boards to keep me entertained! What's a girl to do? Work?? Hahaha.
Read the first sentence, then see allllllll the replies below.
Seriously. Most 5 year olds can follow directions better than these "women."
That said, I think the new message board is a great idea.
I've been struck with a case of PMS. I just love how AF likes to switch things up from month to month. I used to think I had a standard form of PMS every month, but TTC makes you see things more clearly, dontcha think?
This month it's bitchiness/mood swings/generally being overly emotional, a sensitive nose, tiredness, and mild boobie pain (which is a nice change from the SEVERE boobie pain I used to get regularly). Oh yeah and the headache! I've had a headache for three days now. That's new. Wee!
AF is due Sunday or Monday. Even with the raging YI I think we timed our BD/TBM pretty well this C, but I am deliberately refusing to get my hopes up. Really there is no reason for me to think I am pg anyway.
Acronym #2: TAB
I need to keep the hopes down because hubs and I have decided to TAB for a couple months after this C. At least June and July, and we'll see about August. I'm choosing to think of it as "Summer Vacation." It's not that we do much in the way of TTC anyway, just timed BDing and occasionally OPKs, but it will be good to just enjoy the summer (and each other) without pressure.
We don't have any big plans for the summer, just trying to squeeze in local stuff on the weekends. Hopefully it will be fun-filled and relaxing!
I think someone is making popcorn in the break room (which is right behind me), but it smells like pee to me. YUCK! I just asked the pregnant chick across from me if she smelled anything, and she said no. She should have super-smelling powers. I guess that means I'm going crazy...
At lunch I went to a local burger place (ohhhh was that heavenly! And I got onion rings, and I'm not ashamed!). All I could smell was the arrangement of flowers sitting on the counter a few feet away from me as I ordered. They must have really good circulation in there.
I washed my mug this morning, then filled it with water, proceeded to drink from it, and I kept thinking I smelled and/or tasted soap while I was drinking. But if I sniffed it I didn't smell anything.
Pretty sure I smelled my own feet earlier today too, but that's not that unusual, especially with the shoes I'm wearing... Ewww... I'm gross!
I think my nose sometimes goes crazy right before AF shows up. A few months ago I swore I could smell the dirt in the little planters around the office. But for now I'll continue deluding myself into thinking it's a "sign."
Does AF sometimes trick you ladies like this too?
My employee has been improving as well, as has the hubs. I was emailing a friend, who, when I told her my symptoms (nausea, light-headedness, hot flashes) said her fiance was feeling the same way for a while, and just started feeling better too.
I've never heard of anything like this before, have you? I believe everyone started feeling sick when they woke up (except me, I went to bed with WICKED heartburn), and started feeling better around mid-afternoon.
My friend Katherine thinks it was due to the cloud coverage, carrying mold spores (she used to work for an allergist and apparently that can happen...?), and now that the clouds have cleared people are feeling better.
BUT I personally think it's a conspiracy! The government has created a weakened version of sw.ine flu, which they made airborne over southern CA! And it only targets people I know... who... work within a 20-mile radius of where I work...? Oh never mind. ;)
For starters, right before I woke up I'd been having a dream that hubs was doing things with another woman. I'm still using YI meds, which are never fun to wake up to, and my parts are all irritated from them. And the cat was tearing around the house like a bat outta hell, then scratching in his litter box for minutes on end (he gets obsessive, just like his mom!), then loudly chewing on a loose thread he found on the comforter, then crying to be fed. Also, I have a stomach ache that has stayed with me from yesterday. I had the faint, fond hope that maaaaybe it could be "it," but alas, hubs has a stomach ache too, and one of my employees just told me she does too. Sounds like something is going around. Grrreeaat...
As I was trying to suppress the waves of nausea this morning, I came to the tentative conclusion that I need a break from TTC. I've been super stressed about it, my YIs, family problems, and work lately. Plus, hubs and I are taking a 2 week road trip in early September that I really don't want to be all pukey for (on the off, OFF chance I did get KU before then). So I will be pondering this a little more, but most likely we'll be taking a couple months off I think.
Okay, gotta get some work done today. Hope everyone else is having a better day!
I can't wait until the pregnant chick comes in and chimes in about her pregnancy experiences as well. Ugh.
Sorry. I'm a little tired today.
And here she is, jumping right in!