Hello my friends :)
First, an update on my weekend activities:
My friend B and I went to the Barren exhibit on Saturday and it was very moving. Most of the pieces were photographs of things like empty cribs, strollers, and lonely toys. There were also some wintry scenes with bare trees and frost-covered ground. A few were mixed media and a technique I'm not really familiar with (and I forgot the name) that looked like multiple photo exposures layered together, but with a sketchy quality. Some of the pieces were quite graphic; apparently the artist experienced multiple early miscarriages, if that gives you an idea. She also had a few written pieces posted here and there, talking about visiting a friend who had just given birth, thoughts that seemed to have been written when she was in some of her darkest places, and so on. Those were the pieces that touched me the most. I guess maybe I have more of an appreciation for literary art than visual art. There were many points where I was choking back the tears. I don't really know what else to say about it. I'm very glad I went, but I'm not sure I can say I enjoyed it, you know? It definitely touched me, as I'm sure it would touch anyone who has dealt with infertility.
The rest of the day Saturday was much more lighthearted. B and I tried to sell some clothes and accessories at Bu.ffa.lo E.xcha.nge, and discovered that we're not nearly cool enough for them. Even my Be.tsey Jo.hnson dress was denied and that thing is CUTE (but a size 4, which I no longer am nor will I probably ever be again). We each managed to unload a pair of shoes in exchange for store credit, so maybe I'll be able to pick up a new sweater or something. After that we had lunch and made the rounds to all the local party stores to brainstorm decoration ideas for B's 1980's themed 30th birthday bash which is coming up in 2 weeks. You know how I love throwing a party, so of course I offered to help her set everything up!
~Poss. triggs ahead~
As planned, Hubs and I spent Sunday afternoon/evening at my brother and SIL's to see baby J. She is so damn cute and such a good baby. I didn't want to put her down!
~TMI (and obsession) ahead~
I'm pretty sure either yesterday or today is CD1. Although, what I'm experiencing right now reminds me of what I experienced right before I got my BFP. Let me explain - last night (CD28) Hubs and I DTD since it was our last chance before AF's arrival. Afterwards I had some pink bleeding, not a lot, but enough to figure AF was starting. This morning there were just a few brown spots on my pad, and some beige-ish CM when I wiped. Then nothing until noon when I went to the RR, and when I wiped had about the same amount of pink bleeding as I did last night, maybe a bit more, but only 1 little brown spot on my pad. I do not normally spot before AF, and never have since I've been doing TCM.
Sigh... I'm anxious, scared, and trying not to be hopeful... But I have to remember I have no control over this. Chances are AF is just messing with me, maybe we knocked something loose DTD last night and that's why I'm all spotty. If it doesn't pick up by tomorrow I will test in the morning. Today I'm just going to try to keep breathing.