10.18.2010

Still stuck

First of all, if you know Christina, or even if you don't, be sure to head over to her blog and offer your condolences on the loss of her mom, as well as the issues she is dealing with her dad right now.  I feel just awful for her, no one should have to go through all of that at once.

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I can't seem to get on top of my emotions lately.  I would have been more than happy to stay at home on Sunday instead of going to the housewarming party we'd planned to drop by, but Hubs forced me to go.  Even though I whined and pouted about it the whole time we were getting ready.  In the end, I'm glad he made me.  I spend an inordinate amount of time planted on the couch watching TV or mindlessly lurking on FB (or playing An.gry B.irds of course), and that is not good.  Hubs and I were a pretty social couple once upon a time, but now... well, suffice it to say there was more than one person at the party who noted that it had been a few months since they last saw us.  What am I supposed to say to that?  "I know, so sorry, ever since my embryo died a little piece of me died too.  And it was probably the piece that liked to party."

Anyway, the housewarming party was a good time in the end.  Even though there were kids and babies around (I even held my friend's 1 month old for the first time), I had fun.  I really need to do more of that.  It's just hard to drag myself out of my depression and go.  Luckily I have a "mean" husband to push me when I don't have the strength to do the pulling.

~Trigs Ahead~

After the party I got a photo text from my brother of my new niece, J!  I was so shocked, I had no idea my SIL had even gone into labor.  They were surprised too.  As it turns out, she was only in labor for 5 hours before the baby was born.  So we cruised over to the hospital to check her out.  Baby J is adorable with a little round face and dark hair, and weighed in at 8 lbs 7 oz.

Which brings me to today.  Now, I stand by my declaration that I'm not jealous of my brother and SIL about the baby.  I am very happy for them.  But the combination of rainy-day Monday and just knowing this C is another bust made me really sad for myself.  My mood followed me around until an hour or so after my acupuncture appointment, and thankfully it's pretty much dissipated now.  (Really, it's amazing what acu does for my mood, it's a good thing my appointments are usually on Mondays.)  Anyway, I guess my point is, I'm feeling very STUCK right now.  I know, it's nothing new.  And I keep going back and forth between wanting to move on and wanting to hide in my cave.  It is very frustrating.

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And finally, I completely forgot until I read Busted Kate's blogiversary post that it was my blogiversary this month too!  October 8th marked two years since I started this here blog.  I apologize that my posts aren't nearly as entertaining as BK's, but I do want to say a huge thank you to all the amazing, wonderful people I've met since that fateful day.  Thanks for reading me, thanks for being there for me through the good times and the bad, and thanks for helping make this awful journey a little more bearable. You (yes you!) are the best!

8 comments:

Mad Hatter said...

Happy Blogiversary, Kitty! Here's hoping the next year brings all that you wish for. In the meantime, from one depressed IF to the other, ((HUGS)!!!
Love,
Maddy

Amy said...

you have a wonderful blog. thanks for sharing your life and experience here. keep it up and never give up. you can do it.

Miss Ruby said...

Happy Blogoversary!

Sending you big squishy hugs for the other stuff and congrats on becoming an Aunt!

xx

Misty Dawn said...

I was really really depressed and not wanting to get off the couch too girl. Then after I started seeing the psych and got medicated, I'm the old me again. I hate sitting around and I'm always moving. It was the best decision I've ever made!! I'm actually attempting to lose weight again. On you brother, when I went through the same situation with my BIL, at first I was really happy for them, then it sank in and I went awol. I became very jealous. Still am. Thats great that you found the energy to visit in the hospital, I know it prob meant alot to them. Happy blogiversary! I'm always here for you~

Kate said...

Happy Blogoversary! I'm sorry you're still feeling stuck... I wish I had the solution for you; all I know to tell you is to just keep on keepin' on and we'll be here when you need us.

Do I Have to Be a D.I.N.K.? said...

Happy Blogiversary! I am glad your hubby was mean and made you go. I tend to do the same thing but in the end I am always happy to see my friends. I think we all need to paint our caves yellow or some other cheery color to annoy us enough to leave it once and a while!

Sweet Pea said...

Glad the acu. helped your mood issues. Amazing how it works huh ?!

Happy Bloiversary to you ! You totally rock the blog world Kitty !!

Congrats on being an Auntie. I know you are genuinely happy for them however I think we understand.

Heather said...

What is this Angry Birds thing? I overheard someone else talking about it.
Sorry the housewarming wasn't very fun.