It is so sad how "down" the holiday season seems to be for most Infertiles. In years past, I definitely felt the dark cloud of IF overshadow my holidays. That isn't the case so much this year, but still, thanks to family members who are unwilling to be understanding about the struggles of splitting holidays between dozens of people, I have the Christmas blues.
I was actually doing okay even though I spent almost half of December laid up with back pain and sickness. I was excited about the gifts I got for Hubs and my nieces. I was able to look past the unavoidable hecticness of Christmas Eve and Day, and looked forward to our romantic getaway a few days after. But then my older brother vented his frustrations with coordinating holiday plans to me the other day, which, of course I am more than sympathetic with and I was honestly happy to be a listening ear for him. It just reminded me what a pain in the ass it inevitably is, and how I'm really just trying to please everyone and be everywhere to avoid problems. Not because I actually enjoy spending three hours in one place, then rushing off to spend 3 hours somewhere else, followed by 3 hours at a third place... And for the life of me I can't understand why insisting on splitting one day between 3 or 4 events seems to make everyone happier than spreading it all out over a couple of days and being able to spend more time together!
Yesterday I got to hang out all afternoon with my SIL D, and discovered her holiday situation is pretty darn similar to mine. Only she has two little kids to cart around from place to place. I used to believe that once Hubs and I were parents our families would be more understanding about our inability to be in 3 places at once... Unfortunately I see now how it is with my brother's family and my SIL & BIL's family, and neither of them gets any breaks for having children. Looks like it's the curse of having your whole family in one city. Too bad I love my city so much or I'd seriously consider moving away!
And okay, yeah, IF still casts a bit of a shadow over me this time of year. I'm no longer jealous of my siblings for having kids while I don't (at least not now while no one is currently pg), but as each cycle comes and goes quite uneventfully, I go through the familiar cycle of hope and disappointment. It's not as bitter as it used to be, just enough to add a dash of extra "flavor" to my holidays.
Today the east winds are kicking up at a gusty 25-40 mph. It's dry and disgusting and makes me feel as emotionally whipped up as the leaves and dust swirling around outside. It's supposed to die down by the weekend, though, and we're expecting a relatively warm and sunny Christmas. I'm pesronally looking forward to the day after Christmas. Hubs has the whole week off of work, and even though I'm not working, when he has a day off it's like I do too. We'll sleep in for a few days, get some stuff done around the house, and then we're heading to Denver for our little getaway! My mood should be considerably lifted by then. ;)