Back to reality

If I thought work couldn't get any worse, I was dead wrong.

My vacation was wonderful. I spent many days swimming in the ocean, lying in the sun, and not giving a single thought to the Seventh Circle of Hell. I even got a lovely tan that's still sticking around. There were walks on the beach, wine tastings, gambling, fun with friends, bike rides and way too much food! I wish it could've lasted forever.

Then the day I went back to work, that was all shattered. Yet again, I got written up. Not only that, but I'm on probation as well. It's about 95% BS. I figured I'd get written up for one of the things on there, as ridiculous as it is, because I know my boss and the way she thinks. The other item I got written up for is 100% BS: I was empowered to make a decision, but when I didn't make the decision that my boss wanted me to make, she got pissed. Instead of simply overriding me, she waited until I was out of the office for two weeks to write me up for it. Wanna know what the decision was? Whether or not to allow one of my employees to leave work an hour early. I wrote a lengthy response to the write-up and didn't get so much as a nod from my boss in return. All I got was notification that my response was placed in my personnel file.

Nothing that happens there surprises me anymore. My probationary period is up on Sept 6 and I'm hoping against hope that I'll get the axe by then. In fact, every day I go to work with a wish in my heart that they've found some reason to let me go. I've done my homework by talking to my friend in HR as well as my sister (a.k.a. my attorney), and as long as I don't get fired for "cause" I'll get unemployment. After many conversations with Hubs, we both agree this would be the best thing for me, and for our marriage. I realize it's not PC to want to be on unemployment especially in this economy, but I've been through eight straight months of overwhelming stress on the job, and no matter what I do I can't seem to be what they want so I've given up trying. I need to be out of there any way I can at this point.

In the meantime, I am finally learning to manage my stress. I'm reading an awesome book called "The Joy of Living," which describes how and why science backs up the pracice of meditation, and it details several types of meditation. I had no idea it was so simple! I've been able to practice for a few minutes here and there, and even those brief moments are enough to help keep me feeling more balanced.  Maybe soon I'll have plenty of time to practice all I want!  I can feel the stress melting away even as I type...