Laze

I am in hell today.  It's like 95 degrees here and I'm dealing with AF at her worst.  This after she teased me by showing up for our monthly date three days late.  :P  Thankfully my advil/tylenol cocktail has mellowed her out a little bit, but I'm tired and I really don't feel like doing anything today.  Although getting out of my non-air-conditioned house does hold some appeal.  I do need to eat after all, and driving someplace where someone besides me makes the food certainly sounds better than the alternative.  (The alternative being sitting at home starving because I really don't feel like fixing anything.)  I'll consider this and other options while I type up nothing in particular.

Am I alone in thinking it's a lot more satisfying to be lazy on rainy days than sunny ones?  Rainy weather seems to instantly excuse the lack of all productivity, as if the potential for getting wet is too horrifying to even consider.  On sunny days though, I feel like at the very least I should go outside and absorb some vitamin D for a few minutes.  If I wasn't entertaining my dear aunt Flo and any of my friends weren't working today I might go to the beach for a couple of hours.  Alas, I shall relegate myself to watching crappy TV and occasionally checking Facebook.  Maybe I'll get a burst of energy and do the dishes that have been patiently awaiting a good scrubbing for the past day (or two)...

On the bright side, I know Hubs doesn't expect too much of me on CD2, due to the punctuality of my cramps.  Which is really good today because I haven't so much as gotten dressed since I showered a few hours ago.  Yep, that's right.  I've been lounging around the house in my skivvies for most of the day now.  Feels pretty good, too!

Now I'm just babbling.  I really should eat some food.  I guess that means I should put some clothes on.

Floating along

Oh FUNemployment, the bloom had to fall off the rose eventually.  My first few weeks went by quite happily.  I kept up on the daily chores and even completed a couple of household projects, rarely even turning the TV on most days.  I was pretty proud of me!  Last week, though, that all went to hell.  I slipped into a little bit of a depression and spent most of the week on the couch watching TV.  I'm not sure what made me so down in the dumps all of a sudden, but I can tell you I've been thinking quite a lot about babies lately.  AF should be arriving any second now, in fact she's a day or two late at the moment, and I've been having these really vivid PMS dreams almost every night.  One of them involved me finding two little parentless, homeless girls, which Hubs encouraged me to keep (only to tell me later that he'd been cheating on me).  And in another, my SIL gave me one of her children.  Ya think maybe something's on my mind??

I guess this all began when I found out one of my closest friends is expecting.  She is my first really good friend to become pregnant, and honestly I think took the news really well.  Maybe for the first time I'm truly, legitimately happy without a shred of envy for for someone pregnant.  Of course I wish it would happen for me, but I don't wish it was me instead of her at all.  But the news did get me thinking a LOT about having kids, and how maybe Hubs and I could still have a chance at a natural conception.  Neither of us want (me) to fall back into the habit of obsession that took over my life when we were TTC, so we aren't officially trying, but we are having a lot of sex.  With as few expectations as humanly possible. 

Is that even possible???  I hope so, because I think having a lot of sex is good for a marriage!  That's how I'm choosing to look at it, not that we are "not not trying," but that we're helping to keep our marriage strong.  And in the meantime, I'm back to keeping myself busy and taking on more projects.

And I do love projects!  Day-to-day housework and chores bore the daylights out of me, but there's something really satisfying about working on a detailed project and watching it come to fruition.  I spent two days contact-papering all of the kitchen shelves and drawers a couple of weeks ago, and I made my own Halloween silhouettes for the living room.  It was great being able to take my time to get them just right, and both turned out really well.  I've also done a little baking (which I've discovered I like a lot more than cooking), but I have to be careful not to take on too many of those projects as I've already gained a little "contentment" weight back!  If you have any suggestions for fun, calorie-free household projects, I'm all ears.

Right now, I'm going to go spackle the door frames we (finally) put up so that tomorrow I can start painting them!

Settling in

What is the date today??  Seriously, I'm starting to have trouble keeping up with the days of the week, much less the date now that one day is pretty much exactly the same as the next. 

Not that I'm complaining.  I'm very much enjoying my temporary life of leisure, but it can get boring being home alone most of the time.  And you know what they say about idle hands being the devil's playground?  Well, an idle mind isn't any better.  I try to keep myself busy with housework and that keeps my hands from doing the devil's dirty work, but it's not much for intellectual stimulation.  Plus I have altogether too much time to THINK. 

One of the things I've been thinking a lot about is, of course, infertility.  I'm getting a little bitter again, people, and I don't like it.  Several of my girlfriends have new babies or are pregnant or wanting to get pregnant right now too, which isn't helping matters.  I find myself comparing my life to theirs and I don't measure up.  I'm feeling "behind" when it comes to almost everything - money, home, career, education; but especially family.  I talk a big game about how being child-free is perfect for Hubs and I right now, how having children now would be terrible timing, and how much I enjoy my quiet home... But if I'm being 100% honest with myself I have to admit that I do want a child.  Just one. 

I'm not about to start TTC naturally again and we clearly can't afford any medical intervention while I'm FUNemployed.  They're just thoughts going through my head.  Dreams.  Wishes.  Whatever.  It's clear I need more to do.

So I started writing again.  I have a start on what might become my book that I like more than the three other starts I had months ago, and that's been a fun creative outlet.  I've been working on some things for my women's group too, and looking for volunteer opportunities during weekdays.  I'd like to say I've been using my free time to finally tackle some projects around the house like papering the kitchen shelves and painting the door trim... but I haven't.  At least the dishes and laundry are getting done regularly though, right? 

I'll need to start doing more stuff just so I have more to write about.  I think I'm getting less interesting by the day!  Well, I did do one interesting thing this week.  On Thursday night I went out with some ladies from my group to see Steel Magnolias at the local playhouse.  My goodness, if you think the movie is a tear-jerker you should see it performed live.  Not a dry eye in the house!  Oh!  And it was finally cool enough out that I could wear the new cute sweater dress I got for my birthday.  Mmm... I just love fall fashion.  Too bad I won't be able to afford it this year.

Well, maybe I'll paper the kitchen shelves next week so I'll have an exciting story for you all. ;)  Happy weekend!  (It is the weekend, right?)