What the FRENCH, Toast??

Alright. There's something wrong with people on the freeway. Let me paint a picture for you: I work about 30 miles east of where I live. So in the morning I am driving into the gloriously blinding sunrise, and at the end of the day, into the equally blinding sunset. Now, I know I'm not the only one who notices that when that giant flaming ball is shining through my window and into my retinas it is a little harder to see what's up ahead. So I ask you, what in hell's half acre inspires people to clean their friggin' windshields when they're going 75 mph on the damn freeway, when there is someone right behind them?! They can't seriously think that spraying half a gallon of wiper fluid into the wind is NOT going to land on any other vehicles. And ya know how when you wet your windshield in the sun, it sorta distorts your view for a minute? Well let me tell you, it's 10 times worse when you're not expecting the sudden downpour, especially if you happen to have a little dust on your own windshield.

By now you can guess what happened to me this morning. But it's not just this morning. This happens, I'd say, an average of twice a month, and I've decided to take matters into my own hands. Whenever possible (and it's almost always possible), I pass the offending driver and glance over at them to see if they noticed my subtle hand gestures when I was behind them, indicating an error on their part. I have yet to pass a driver who returns my glance, which I take to mean they either did not notice my gestures, or they did and are now ignoring me. Either way, I feel that their lack of remorse deserves punishment and a lesson! Ha! I then swoop in front of them (always with care, and a turn signal, mind you) and bide my time, keeping up with the flow of traffic so as not to alert the offending driver to my scheme. When the timing is just right, I gingerly squeeze my washer, spraying my windshield for a solid 5 to 7 seconds. Then I laugh maniacally when I see their wipers going again, and even harder when the driver changes lanes to avoid the spray!

Now, one might think that my motives are purely vengeful, but nay! My aim is for the greater good of all drivers. What kind of person would I be if I stayed put after being attacked in such a manner? I would be forced to clean my own windshield of course, and that would inconvenience the innocent driver behind me. That's not right, is it? The only fair thing to do if I am forced to clean my windshield, is to make sure that the ONLY person who is inconvenienced is the person who inconvenienced me. And hey, if they happen to learn their lesson in the process, that benefits everyone.

No comments: