8.25.2012

Round 2

Well hello there strangers.  I started a post a couple days ago to update my chronicle of TTC and non-TTC adventures, but never published it.  And now some things have changed that would have required another update anyway, so here I am, updating.  This is more for my sake than yours because I've often found it helpful to go back and read the things I've gone through for comparison purposes.

I would say, "the good news is," but I'm not sure I'd even call it good news at this point.  So I'll just say it - I'm pregnant.  Six weeks tomorrow, technically.  I started spotting yesterday though, which is the reason I'm here posting today.  It feels like a bad dream, but it all started so hopefully.  Hubs and I were on vacation when my period was late, late, late.  When we got home last Friday I tested and got a strong positive.  We were shocked, well, sort of.  Both of us had suspicions by that point, but by shocked I mean we haven't TTCed in over a year and a half and never thought we'd end up with a surprise pregnancy.  Unlike last time I had no spotting, and it seemed that my symptoms were stronger - more moodiness, tiredness, changes in eating habits, and some stomach issues.  Things seemed good.

I went to the doctor on Wednesday and that was fine.  She took a culture but I didn't let her give me a pap as last time it increased the spotting I'd started and I didn't want to do anything that might cause me to freak out later.  The next day the nurse called and told me I have a bacterial infection and to start using Metro Gel to treat it that night.  Then yesterday, after the first night using it, I noticed that I started spotting in the afternoon.  Very lightly, but definitely a little bit of dark pink blood.  I freaked.  Called the doctor and she said it could be the Metro Gel, not to use it that night and to see if I stopped spotting today.  Unfortunately, no such luck.  This morning when I checked the spotting had definitely picked up a bit.  So now I'm really freaking out. 

It feels like deja vu.  Or a recurrent nightmare.  Last time I tried so hard to keep my hopes up, tried to stay calm and positive, and it all ended horribly anyway.  This time I'm having a lot, LOT harder time keeping positive or having any hope at all.  We wanted to wait to announce anything until after we heard a heartbeat, but I ended up spilling to my parents last night.  Why wait when I need the support now?  I hate that I have basically already thrown in the towel; I worry that my negative attitude will somehow make things worse, if there is any hope to be had.  Stupid.  But I don't know how to be positive at this point.  I know that lots of women have had spotting early in pregnancy and then went on to have healthy babies, but I haven't.  Everything about me is different from "normal" women.  Is there really any reason to think this time will be any different?

9 comments:

The Barreness said...

I'm hoping that you have a totally different result and that what has happened in the past stays in the past...and only new happier adventures await.

My Vegas said...

OMG!!!

I am crying right now. You are one of the very first people I ever followed on blogger. I adore you and I will keep it all crossed for you.
XOXOXOXOXOXO

Marianne said...

Oh congrats!!! Hopefully the spotting is absolutely nothing. Can you get an ultrasound????

Erin said...

Hey Kitty. Can you do the beta thing starting tomorrow? You should know something by the 48 hour mark. I know spotting seems so unnatural when pregnant. I had all of your same feelings. I didn't typically spot with pregnancies either, and I did in fact bleed/spot for 10 weeks with Riley. I thought I was losing him. Then again, I've had a pregnancy with no spotting that ended as well. I'm just so sorry to say, that spotting is no indication of any thing good or bad. Your beta can tell you so much more. Also, at 6 weeks, you should start being able to see a heartbeat. Call Monday for a workup. Hang in there. Big 'ole hugs. I know what kind of hell you are in right now. It doesn't get any easier, unfortunately until you know for sure. I am really so hoping for the best for you.

Christina said...

I hope the spotting is nothing. Keep us all updated and try to stay positive even though I know it's hard to.

{{HUGS}}

Anonymous said...

Oh my goodness Kitty. I am praying so hard for you! Please keep us posted and take good care of yourself. Sending a huge load of positive vibes your way!!

xoxo Jen

Kate said...

I'm hoping upon hope that it's nothing - please keep us updated!

Misty Dawn said...

I hope its from the gel girl, lots of love and hugs, you know we are always here for support. Def see if your OB/GYN can do a few betas to see if the numbers are increasing properly. I want to say I'm sooooo happy for you, but at the same time I am trying to be cautious ;)

Sarah said...

Kitty, I'll say a prayer for you!! Like other people said, see if your OB/GYN can do a beta. It can give you reassurance. When I was pregnant with Ellie I spotted a couple of times too and it was so scary. Keep us posted...