I finally decided that I would post a (tasteful) Facebook announcement once we had confirmation that this little alien is still alive. Thank you to everyone for your input :) Well today I went in for a doctor's appointment and we got to hear the heartbeat on the little doppler thingy. (Sidenote - whenever I told family members that the doctor said we'd get to do the doppler at our next appointment, someone invariably said something like, "Oh, they're going to check the weather in there? Haha!" *Wink, wink!* Very clever...) I'd been told that the first time they do it, it can take a while to find the heartbeat, but I lucked out and the doc found it right away. It was very cute, all fast and loud and swooshy. She went to show me the comparison between the baby's and mine, and it took her like three times as long to find my pulse! Guess maybe I'm not as alive as I thought.
Anyway, I was all set to post my announcement sometime today and then... I remembered it's October 15th and Infant and Pregnancy Loss Remembrance Day. D'oh! Thank goodness I saw a couple of posts about it before I came across as a seriously inconsiderate asshole. So my announcement will wait until tomorrow, and today I will support my fellow sisters who have experienced losses instead.
In other news, I'm still figuring out how to get excited about this baby. I know that sounds terrible and I don't want you to think this pregnancy isn't an incredibly welcome event, because it is. My MIL keeps asking when we can get excited and telling me she wants me to be HAPPY (I had to emphasize the word the way she does). I don't even know how to explain the way I'm feeling. I strongly suspect it has something to do with my depression, because, like I said, this baby is more than welcome in my life, and it's not at all that I'm disappointed or bummed about being pregnant, it's just that I don't feel particularly overjoyed. And I really thought I would feel that way, so it is a bit strange to feel so stoic.
But I am not going to beat myself up about it. There's nothing worse for depression than berating yourself for falling short of your own expectations, especially when it's outside of your control. I love that my friends and family are so excited, and honestly when I'm around them their excitement is infectious. Maybe I just need to be around them more often! It certainly doesn't help that I'm alone most of the time, and exhausted most of the time too. I guess anyone would have a hard time mustering up a constant level of enthusiasm under the circumstances. Still, I hope I get that burst of excitement soon, maybe it will once I allow myself to start shopping for baby stuff :)