#2 (Not THAT #2)

Last month hubs and I had a moment of carelessness after enjoying some sake bombs on his birthday.  Cady was with her grandparents for the afternoon and we might have gone just a LITTLE crazy with our temporary freedom.  Of course as soon as I sobered up I did a total facepalm because in no way do I want to get pregnant again right now, and yeah, I stopped taking the pill like two weeks after I started it because it was counteracting my antidepressant.  Supposedly breastfeeding is decent birth control; even if you’re pumping half the time like I am it’s supposed to be like 95% effective for the first 6 months.  Plus with my history it’s not like getting pregnant again should be that easy.  Still, it feels like when Hubs and I were dating and I was constantly paranoid my birth control was going to fail me.
 
On top of that, I keep having these feelings like, “Aww, now that I know how to take care of a baby I wouldn’t mind doing it again.” And, “A second kid would really complete our family.”  HORMONES - they’ll get you, and they don’t care if you can afford another baby or even have room in your home for another baby.  Cady is barely five months old and I’m already daydreaming about #2.  And DREAMING about it too!  I haven’t had pregnancy dreams in YEARS, even when I was pregnant, but lately I’ve had several.  Last night was a particularly vivid one where I was somehow six months along and just finding out because I was showing (since I haven’t had a period in over a year, which, P.S. is the best thing EVER).
 
So yes.  I’m pretty sure I want one more, but NOT RIGHT NOW.  Maybe we’ll start trying next summer, after Cady turns one.  And then I am NOT trying for more than a year, and for my 35th birthday (the summer after next) Hubs is getting a vasectomy whether we have a second kid or not.
 
But maybe I should pee on a stick tonight.  You know, just to be sure.

My new life

I thought I had a clue what life as a parent was going to be like.  I mean, I know lots of parents, and I used to be a kid, and it’s a pretty basic function of society, what’s so mysterious about it?  In a lot of ways, I was right.  Sort of.  I knew it would be expensive, time-consuming, exhausting, adorable, and joyful.  I just didn’t know the degree to which it would be all those things and more.
 
When people said, “Having a baby changes everything,” they were absolutely right in ways I couldn’t imagine before having one.  I sort of figured my life would be somewhat similar to the way it was pre-baby, and it is to a degree, but I guess I didn’t know that having a baby would change ME as well.  The best way I can describe it is like this:  I love love LOVE Cadence, and it’s sort of like when you first fall in love with your significant other.  You want to be with them all the time and do anything you can for them.  Only, add in the fact that they depend on you for literally everything, so you also HAVE to do everything for them.  And it’s absolutely exhausting.  But you don’t mind (most of the time), because you’re in love.  And nothing else matters nearly as much as being with that baby and taking care of it.  That’s what has hit me the most about being a parent.  It didn’t hit me right away like it apparently does for some people, it came on gradually and got stronger and stronger. 
 
Because Cadence has become my favorite and most mandatory #1 priority above all else except my Hubster, lots of things have gotten pushed down my list.  Things that maybe other people think should be higher up than they currently are.  Sometimes this pisses people off.  I know the Hubs in particular gets pretty ticked when I don’t help out around the house.  I swear our roles are so reversed in this way, but a messy house doesn’t bother me as much as it bothers him, so he’s quicker to get things done while I could leave the laundry or the dishes for a couple of days before the mess starts getting to me.  Instead, I take care of the baby and get in some snuggle time. 
 
My blog followers may be ticked that I never post anymore.  Well, I will have you know that I’ve written several posts that have gone unpublished over the past few months.  I write them (sometimes at work), email them to myself or save them with the intent to review and publish them, and then... I forget as soon as I get home.  That’s another thing about having a kid – they make you forgetful.  It’s not a hormonal thing because Hubs is the same way.  For the life of us things just don’t stick like they used to, there’s just so much else taking the place of whatever we used to do!
 
And my friends may be annoyed or even hurt that I frequently forget to return their messages, sometimes until days (or even, I am sorry to say, WEEKS) later.  Although I always have the best intentions to respond within minutes of reading a text or email, half the time other things just come up.  I stop reading (or writing) in the middle of a sentence because Cady is crying or needs to be changed or fed or picked up off her play mat or is about to eat a fistful of cat hair or roll off the couch.  I never intentionally fail to respond to a message timely, but I’m sure that sometimes it comes across that way.  I have definitely turned into kind of a flake!  But at least after reading this, I hope you can see why, and maybe even cut me some slack for it.
 
Because you know what?  I’m not sure if I will ever go back to being the old me.  I hope one day soon I can figure out a kind of balance that lets me fulfill my motherly duties and desires, my wifely duties and desires, and have plenty of time leftover for myself and my friends.  That day hasn’t come yet!  And until it does I am very happy that after so many years of wishing and waiting, I can enjoy my new life and my new (and frankly friggin’ adorable) number one priority.