My new life

I thought I had a clue what life as a parent was going to be like.  I mean, I know lots of parents, and I used to be a kid, and it’s a pretty basic function of society, what’s so mysterious about it?  In a lot of ways, I was right.  Sort of.  I knew it would be expensive, time-consuming, exhausting, adorable, and joyful.  I just didn’t know the degree to which it would be all those things and more.
When people said, “Having a baby changes everything,” they were absolutely right in ways I couldn’t imagine before having one.  I sort of figured my life would be somewhat similar to the way it was pre-baby, and it is to a degree, but I guess I didn’t know that having a baby would change ME as well.  The best way I can describe it is like this:  I love love LOVE Cadence, and it’s sort of like when you first fall in love with your significant other.  You want to be with them all the time and do anything you can for them.  Only, add in the fact that they depend on you for literally everything, so you also HAVE to do everything for them.  And it’s absolutely exhausting.  But you don’t mind (most of the time), because you’re in love.  And nothing else matters nearly as much as being with that baby and taking care of it.  That’s what has hit me the most about being a parent.  It didn’t hit me right away like it apparently does for some people, it came on gradually and got stronger and stronger. 
Because Cadence has become my favorite and most mandatory #1 priority above all else except my Hubster, lots of things have gotten pushed down my list.  Things that maybe other people think should be higher up than they currently are.  Sometimes this pisses people off.  I know the Hubs in particular gets pretty ticked when I don’t help out around the house.  I swear our roles are so reversed in this way, but a messy house doesn’t bother me as much as it bothers him, so he’s quicker to get things done while I could leave the laundry or the dishes for a couple of days before the mess starts getting to me.  Instead, I take care of the baby and get in some snuggle time. 
My blog followers may be ticked that I never post anymore.  Well, I will have you know that I’ve written several posts that have gone unpublished over the past few months.  I write them (sometimes at work), email them to myself or save them with the intent to review and publish them, and then... I forget as soon as I get home.  That’s another thing about having a kid – they make you forgetful.  It’s not a hormonal thing because Hubs is the same way.  For the life of us things just don’t stick like they used to, there’s just so much else taking the place of whatever we used to do!
And my friends may be annoyed or even hurt that I frequently forget to return their messages, sometimes until days (or even, I am sorry to say, WEEKS) later.  Although I always have the best intentions to respond within minutes of reading a text or email, half the time other things just come up.  I stop reading (or writing) in the middle of a sentence because Cady is crying or needs to be changed or fed or picked up off her play mat or is about to eat a fistful of cat hair or roll off the couch.  I never intentionally fail to respond to a message timely, but I’m sure that sometimes it comes across that way.  I have definitely turned into kind of a flake!  But at least after reading this, I hope you can see why, and maybe even cut me some slack for it.
Because you know what?  I’m not sure if I will ever go back to being the old me.  I hope one day soon I can figure out a kind of balance that lets me fulfill my motherly duties and desires, my wifely duties and desires, and have plenty of time leftover for myself and my friends.  That day hasn’t come yet!  And until it does I am very happy that after so many years of wishing and waiting, I can enjoy my new life and my new (and frankly friggin’ adorable) number one priority.


Allison said...


Kate said...

It does change you for the best - and no one who has been in your shoes minds at all! Enjoy this time - it passes soooo quickly - even if it's at the expense of other things.

Angie said...

I'm the same way about the house being messy. J gets irritated with me if it isn't cleaned "on time," but I'd much rather play with Lincoln. After all, he'll only be little for a short time...

Hang in there. I hope you find your balance. And keep on enjoying it. It goes too quickly! ((Hugs))

Emily said...

Love! So glad you are doing well! The time passes too quickly, there will be plenty of time to clean and catch up with everything else going on around you!! Sounds like you are doing great!!