Awesome Kitty 2011

When I told my friend K about Hubs's and my decision to stop TTC, she was, as she always has been, super supportive and encouraging.  Excited even.  She told me she sees me as being very hard on myself, and that she has a feeling this is going to be my year for happiness.  Her phrase was "AWESOME KITTY 2011!"  (Yes, in all caps.)

K's phrase (hey, that rhymes!) has stuck with me, and Hubs has taken to using it when I need a little pep talk as well.  Just this morning he told me, "Super Awesome Kitty 2011 doesn't take crap from anyone!"  He took the liberty of adding the "Super" part, but I like it.  Somehow, as silly as it sounds, it actually helps to hear it.  In a way it reminds me that even though I can't control everything, my happiness is in my hands.  I can make this an awesome year even when things don't go my way.  Because if I've learned anything in my 30 years on this planet, it's that more often than not life doesn't turn out the way you planned.  But that doesn't mean I can't be happy.

So I guess this year is my happiness project!  I'm working on changing my outlook, and surprisingly I've already noticed a difference in my attitude.  Even Hubs has commented on it.  I have to admit I've slowly but surely been regaining some confidence, been more open to people in general, and felt moments of peace more frequently than I have in a long time.  Granted, I definitely still have my bad days - way more of them than I would like!  But I feel like I have a bit more strength to help me get past those moments.  And best of all, I am starting to think there really is a light at the end of the tunnel.

So much to say so much to say

Dudes, the title is a lie.  I just don't have a lot to say right now.

Work is crazy and the job hunt is slow-going.  I'm in a bit of a depression but I'm working on it.  There's not a whole lot going on in my life other than work, and work is kinda like the seventh circle of hell lately.  No wonder I'm depressed. 

This morning I started thinking about setting some goals for myself, I think that might help boost my spirits.  There are plenty of things I'd like to accomplish and now that I don't have to worry about that pesky little thing called TTC, I should have plenty of time to accomplish them.  I think I'll create a new tab up top to keep track. (Update: see "To Do List.")

It's time to start taking back my life.  Back from IF and back from work.  It was mine to begin with, after all.

So here's what happened

Thanks so much for all of the comments and good thoughts.  I think they helped!

The reader's digest version of what happened is this:  Right in the middle of this HUGE project both my departments are spending hours upon hours of overtime working on, one of them got fired yesterday.  I honestly can't blame the company for doing it, although it's extremely unfortunate for the girl who got fired.  As well as for myself since I'm shortstaffed until they can find a replacement, which will probably be a few weeks, and my other two employees since their jobs are being turned upside-down to provide coverage.  My departments were understaffed as it was, and this just pushes us over the edge.  Now nobody can get sick or take a day off because the Hag (remember her?) refuses to "share" any of her employees, a handful of which are trained to cover us.

It's just a big fat mess.  Oh yeah, and I found out today that starting the 31st they're changing who I'm reporting to.  Again.  This would be boss number 3 in as many years.  Neat.

But like I said, your thoughts and prayers must have helped because I'm in a surprisingly good mood now. Even though I'm exhausted, and even though the Hag was being a hag to me all day, and even though another annoying coworker tried (quite unsuccessfully) to throw me under the bus this afternoon, I'm feeling good.  Like, confident even.  It's been a long time since I felt confident at work.  That's not enough to make me want to stay for any longer than I have to, but hopefully it will last long enough to get me through the worst.

And now - it's a three day weekend!  And it's supposed to be sunny and 80 degrees all weekend!  And I'm going to enjoy every last minute of it while pretending my job doesn't exist!