When I told my friend K about Hubs's and my decision to stop TTC, she was, as she always has been, super supportive and encouraging. Excited even. She told me she sees me as being very hard on myself, and that she has a feeling this is going to be my year for happiness. Her phrase was "AWESOME KITTY 2011!" (Yes, in all caps.)
K's phrase (hey, that rhymes!) has stuck with me, and Hubs has taken to using it when I need a little pep talk as well. Just this morning he told me, "Super Awesome Kitty 2011 doesn't take crap from anyone!" He took the liberty of adding the "Super" part, but I like it. Somehow, as silly as it sounds, it actually helps to hear it. In a way it reminds me that even though I can't control everything, my happiness is in my hands. I can make this an awesome year even when things don't go my way. Because if I've learned anything in my 30 years on this planet, it's that more often than not life doesn't turn out the way you planned. But that doesn't mean I can't be happy.
So I guess this year is my happiness project! I'm working on changing my outlook, and surprisingly I've already noticed a difference in my attitude. Even Hubs has commented on it. I have to admit I've slowly but surely been regaining some confidence, been more open to people in general, and felt moments of peace more frequently than I have in a long time. Granted, I definitely still have my bad days - way more of them than I would like! But I feel like I have a bit more strength to help me get past those moments. And best of all, I am starting to think there really is a light at the end of the tunnel.