1.06.2011

Hanging in there

Well hello there folks!

Sorry my presence in blogland has greatly diminished.  To be honest, it's been nice not thinking about TTC and when I'm here I think about it.  And that makes me sad.  And I can't always come up with brilliant and hilarious posts that make everyone's day, so there you have it.  But I still love you, and I'm still alive!

By the way, I picked a terrible time to stop TTC.  Seriously, is everyone pregnant right now?  Because it sure seems like it!  Don't get me wrong, I'm genuinely happy for each one of my pregnant buddies, especially the Infertiles, but man, I just feel like I'm surrounded.  On the other hand, if I was still trying I think I'd feel a lot of pressure because of that.  So yes, I still think stopping/taking a hiatus is a very good thing for me.  All the more because my job is pure shit right now and it's taking everything I have not to throw down my work, march in to my boss's office and scream, "You're a lazy asshole, do this shit yourself because I QUIT!"  The only thing stopping me is I'm a lady and ladies don't call their bosses "asshole."  ...Ahahahaha! Yeah right, you got me.  The real reason I don't do that is because I can't afford to quit without having another job lined up.  Which I'm working on!  I can't wait to get the hell out of here.

Whew.  You can tell I'm stressed when I swear profusely.  Even Hubs is growing weary of my gutter mouth.  Sorry, I'll try to rein it in.

So yeah.  Not TTC = Good.  I've come to realize I'm in a terrible place to be trying to get pregnant.  Even if it were to happen I'd probably worry so much that I'd end up miscarrying again.  And if I didn't miscarry, I'd certainly have a hell of a time trying to juggle taking care of an infant and continuing to work here without going ballistic.  If Hubs and I decide to start trying again it will be after I get my act together and can go more than a few days without having a breakdown at my desk.  And if we decide to try IVF, which we've talked about, it will be after all that and after we pay off our debt.  (Which will hopefully be next year! We're getting close!)

Other than that, things are fine.  I've been spending more time with my girlfriends, Hubs and I have gone out with friends a couple of times.  We're getting back into circulation after being hermits for the past few months.  I still don't have the nerve to hang out with the pregnant chicks, but hey, baby steps right?  I'm trying not to be so hard on myself and working on not taking things to heart so much.  It's slow-going and I'll probably end up needing professional help anyway, but I can see a little improvement already.  Who knows, maybe someday I'll be a happy, well-rounded individual!  Wouldn't that be nice?

Happy Thursday my friends!  Only one more day until the weekend and I CAN'T WAIT.  Here's hoping it gets here fast!

7 comments:

Sweet Pea said...

I miss you and your witty posts !

Hoping your job situations get better so you can get the hell out of there !

Glad to hear that you are venturing out more, have fun !!!

My Vegas said...

Glad to see a post from you. XOXO

Kelly said...

It's good to hear from you! You're in my thoughts often.

Miss Ruby said...

Great to see a post from you! I hope you manage to find a better job eventually, nothing like not liking the place you work!

Having a break from ttc can be THE best feeling in the world, no pressure, no thoughts [except of course when you're surrounded my preggos].

I hope you continue to experience the freedom not ttc brings with it - enjoy it!!

~x~

Allison said...

((((Hugs)))) Kitty! I hope you find a new job ASAP!! XOXOXO!

Steph O. said...

A new job can change your entire outlook, so I hope you find one soon. :)

Love ya Kitty, even when you aren't doing witty posts. :)

Alex said...

So glad you're enjoying your break. And I really hope you find a new job!!! We've all dreamed about calling our bosses lazy assholes... :)