While I'm in limbo deciding what will ultimately be the next direction my blog takes, I had a thought! (Red letter day! A thought entered my mind that had nothing whatsoever to do with audits or job hunts or new hires or irate customers or file maintenance...) As you may have guessed from the oh-so-subtle title of this post, that thought was to write about stuff that doesn't suck about not having kids. 'Cause I'm realizing that there's actually a lot of stuff I'm grateful for that I wouldn't be able to enjoy if this whole infertility thing didn't happen to me.
Because I am the Queen of Disclaimers, I have this to say before I begin: These posts may sometimes sound like generalizations, but in reality they're specific to me and my situation. Of course I hope I have some readers who'll go, "Oh!! I totally agree! I also think that's something that doesn't suck about being childless!" But I also expect to have some readers who'll go, "Okay, but I would give that up in half a heartbeat, no questions asked, if I could just have one opportunity to have a child." Or even some moms thinking, "Yeah, but being a mom is infinitely better than that, and I wouldn't trade it for a lifetime of that." I get it. I'm just sayin', please don't get offended. This is fair warning that I intend to remove some of my filters, and it might get a little blunt up in here.
Like today, for example, I'm gonna write about SEX. And I don't mean babymakin'.
Call me a whore (I really wasn't), but in my youth and heyday I was quite the adventurous sexual partner, and looking back I'd say I peaked when Hubs and I were dating the first time around. Our chemistry was spectacular from the start, and we were young and full of hormones and carefree energy. We (or maybe just I, Hubs never seems to be at a loss for interest in sex) have lost some of that over the years thanks to infertility, relationship issues, and work stress; i.e. life. But now that we're putting the thought of having kids on the back-burner indefinitely, we have the chance to work on bringing that spark back to the bedroom. And oh my goodness, it's fun.
Being infertile and not TTC means we now get to have sex for no other reason than to freakin' feel good! And not having kids means we get to be as free as we wanna be when we do the deed. If we feel like covering the living room floor with blankets and pillows and spending a Saturday afternoon rolling around in them, we get to do that. We don't have to worry about being walked in on or being caught by innocent eyes. We don't have to think twice, or even once, about being too loud, or walking around the house naked (with the blinds closed! I'm not an exhibitionist for crying out loud), or where we keep the adult toys - I mean, uhh... What??
Not having kids also means we have more time and energy to have sex. Kids require a lot of attention if I'm not mistaken, and from my experiences with my numerous nieces and nephews I've found that they also require a LOT of energy. Even after babysitting for a couple of hours I'm ready for a nap! I know that if I'd had a baby when we started TTC over three years ago, and if I now had a toddler (or two) to chase around after working a long day in the Seventh Circle of Hell, my energy would be completely sapped. I can't say how that would've affected my sex life, but knowing myself, I'm 100% sure it would not have enhanced it.
So yes, for the moment, I'm grateful that not having kids means I can go back to having great sex with the Hubs. It's the perfect situation for me right now - No need for birth control thanks to my bum repro tract, if I do happen to end up pregnant I'll be happy, and I have nothing preventing me from just enjoying myself to the max! I may not be the whore I used to be, but I'm starting to think (hope!) that maybe I didn't "peak" all those years ago after all.