Term

Happy Easter to me - today I'm 37 weeks and officially full term!  Things are going fine except for the occasional migraine, which have gotten fewer and farther between over the past week or so.  I haven't had any Braxton Hicks or anything like that; just waiting for the little bambina to decide to make her appearance.  Which, for the record, I'd be totally okay with being any day now.  Yep, aaaaaany day she feels like she's ready.  Seriously.  Whenever would be fine.

Not that I'm getting impatient or anything, I'm just a little... okay I'm impatient.  I do feel pretty good, I'm still working and I'm trying to hold out for another two weeks before I take my leave.  I just have this feeling she's going to be late and I'd rather spend my time off work with my baby than sitting around the house for weeks waiting for my baby.  And it's not that I haven't enjoyed being pregnant, overall anyway.  But I'm dying to meet my kid and it does get a little old not being able to do fun stuff like roll over in bed, or fit into my maternity jeans anymore, or tie my own shoes, or for the love of all that is holy take a poop...  So yeah, I could be happy being done with all that at any point...

Her room is just about ready now.  It is super dang cute and once it's all together I'll post pictures!  I still need to find or make some artwork for the walls, install the closet organizer and finish putting all her gear away (which is currently taking up quality real estate in the middle of my living room).  But hey, at least we have everything now, and the office is no more, and she has a place to live!  That is serious progress.

Last week we had what I think is our last ultrasound and got a sorta decent picture of her face, which is as adorable as a shadowy gray and black image can be!  She's such a punk though, the tech tried again to get us a 3D image but as soon as she put the wand on my belly the baby turned her back to it and we didn't get a chance to see her face again.  Also I asked for confirmation of her girliness, but she was too scrunched up in there to see anything.  So I'm just hoping she's "still" a girl, only because I really don't want to paint over the big flowery tree my friend J and I spent all last Sunday creating on her wall!  And people have been trying to freak me out me all week saying stuff like, "You never know, techs have been known to be wrong!" and "Cousin J thought she was having a girl until little N was born!"  And then a couple of random strangers have "informed" me that I'm having a boy.  But it's not like I can worry about that now, we just have to wait and see at this point!

In other sorta related news, my new niece was born on Thursday!  Hubs's brother and his wife had their third (and last) little girl, and she is just adorable.  It was a scheduled c-section but she actually went into labor that morning so the timing couldn't have been more perfect.  They are all back home today and doing great!  I can't wait until the little cousins get to meet in person :)

Hope everyone had a happy Easter!

Day off

I've got my neurologist appointment today, and I'm taking the day off from work.  So here I am in my fluffy robe, surrounded by sleeping kitties, thinking about what else I should do with my day. 

It's more for practicality's sake that I'm staying home from work, since even I agree I probably shouldn't be driving for any extended period of time while I have the potential to go blind at any moment.  And with the appointment in the middle of the day Hubs can't leave work to cart me all over god's creation.  So rather than drive myself 30 minutes to work and back for my appointment, I'll only have to drive 5 or 10 minutes to and from the doctor's office.  I've convinced myself migraines are the culprit so I'm not too worried about what the doctor will say, and I actually haven't had an "episode" since Friday.  Hopefully cutting back on sugar has done the trick!  I still get annoying headaches pretty regularly but no scary blindness for a few days now (knock on wood).

Now.  What to do with the rest of my day?  I have an office full of baby swag beckoning to me and I really want to make some progress on that nursery.  Ooh, I feel a tangent coming on...  Holy crap we got a lot of stuff at the shower!  Which, by the way, was an awesome party; my friends really pulled out all the stops!  When I told them about my preferences I just had a vague idea of what I wanted, and they literally made EVERYTHING I suggested (even just in passing) happen.  And it all fit together PERFECTLY.  I don't know how they did it!  We had a s'mores bar, a candy bar, and a popcorn bar, plus alllll kinds of yummy food and cupcakes.  There was the photo booth, and a bunch of little game stations throughout the house which no one was pressured into playing but a lot of people did.  Everything was so casual and fun for the guests - guys drank beer and did their thing, ladies drank cosmos (or in my case iced tea) and talked lady stuff; some people drove in from out of town and hung out all day, and some stopped by for half an hour before heading off somewhere else.  We had at least 50 guests (not including kids) show up, so it was hoppin' but not too crowded with people coming and going.  It was just absolutely perfect and I loved it!  As soon as I have some pictures I will post them for you.

So yeah.  Roomful of baby swag now, which is still in gift bags and tucked neatly into the one empty closet in the house, while the bigger items are in boxes in the middle of the office.  I'm thinking I ought to go buy paint for the dressers and the tree I want to paint on the wall.  Yes, paint should be priority #1.  And if I buy it today, there's a good chance that Hubs might actually do the painting tomorrow on his day off!  Look at me, I'm a genius.  Alrighty then, time to get stuff done!

Too excited

Today is like Christmas, only better because it only happens like ONCE EVER, and I NEVER thought it was going to happen for me.  Today is SHOWER DAY!!  Woooooo!!!

I woke up without a headache too!  Double WOOOO!  I've been trying to figure out what's triggering these things (I'm pretty convinced they're migraines) and I have a feeling it might be at least partially due to the massive amounts of sugar I've been ingesting for the past month or so.  So I've been cutting back and the past 2 days have seemed a little better.  I did have one episode yesterday but it was very short-lived compared to the others.  Hopefully the neurologist will agree that my brain is unlikely to explode.

So.  Breakfast, shower (as in bathing myself), mani-pedi, then PARTY TIME!  I can't waaaaaaaiiiit!

Headaches

I guess this pregnancy has just been going too smoothly!  Now all of a sudden I've been getting these weird headaches for the past several days.  The best way I can describe them is like mini migraines: First my eyes start going and I can't focus on what's right in front of me.  Then I start seeing halos or auras that gradually expand and move from the center of my vision to the periphery until it eventually fades away.  Meanwhile the headache kicks in on one side of my head (usually the side opposite to where the halo moves), then my eyes feel really tired, like there's pressure on them, and I feel like I just want to lie down.  It all usually goes away after an hour or two and the headache doesn't get nearly as severe as a regular migraine, but I've gotten them every day this week and it's getting a little worrisome.

So today I went to my OB who confirmed it is not preeclampsia, referred me to a neurologist and gave me a note to miss work and basically be on modified bed rest "until further notice."  Well, I can't really afford to miss work since I'm temp and if I don't work I don't get paid!  But I'm taking today off, and assuming I don't feel any worse tomorrow I'm planning on going in.  Hubs and I carpool, so I figure as long as I'm not driving I'm safe enough at work, and that way he's only a couple blocks away instead of on the other side of the county like he would be if I were at home.  The baby is fine, wiggling around like crazy and has a nice strong heartbeat, so I don't think there's anything to worry about there.  My neurologist appointment is on Tuesday, and with any luck they'll tell me it's just migraines and not tumors or that my brain is going to explode.  I felt a little better after talking to my mom today; she told me a similar thing happened to her when she was 4 or 5 months pregnant with my brother and it turned out to be migraines.  She took a few days off work and was fine.  Migraines run in the family big time, and although I usually only get them every few years, pregnancy can do weird things to you.

In happier news my shower is this weekend and I'm pretty excited about that!  Hard to believe it is already just around the corner.

Okay I think I'm gonna take a cue from the cats (who are currently curled up on either side of me) and take myself a little nap right now!

Put a label on it

I am still following Resolve on FB, do many of you follow them?

Now, maybe I'm just not that observant (okay, I know I'm not all that observant) but have the comments on Resolve's FB posts always been so judgy and divisive?  This morning they posted an article about childfree living being a fulfilling alternative to infertility, something I thought sounded nice enough, but the comments really bothered me.  Most were along the lines of "The term 'childfree' is offensive to infertiles."  

So, I get that some infertiles don't like the term "childfree" because they don't feel it's appropriately descriptive of their feelings about their status.  They don't feel that they are "free" of children, and they are still grieving the children they might have had.  But there are also infertiles who have or are or want to move on from their grief and embrace being "childfree." They don't feel like they're lacking anything, so "childless" would be the more offensive term to them.

Whether you are childless or childfree or nonparents or furparents or aunties or unattached-fuck-buddies or whatever else you want to call yourself is entirely personal and specific to your situation.  And there is never going to be a single term that everyone agrees is appropriate for everybody.  So why are people getting their panties in a bunch over a word?

Moreover, I'd go so far to say that even trying to come up with generalized, so-called appropriate terms that satisfy everyone's needs is kind of offensive.  Doing so strips us of our individuality and creates barriers between us.  Why do we feel the need to be compartmentalized?  I feel the same way about describing my race on government forms - for one, the choices are usually entirely inaccurate given the mix of races in the U.S. today, and two, who the F cares what my nationality and/or skin color is???  Marking the "white" box might be somewhat descriptive but it doesn't say a thing about me.

Okay, that was a bit of a tangent, sorry.  What I mean to say is, all of our situations are different.  I know sometimes we like to group ourselves together because we want to feel less alone, particularly when it comes to something difficult like infertility.  But even then there is no one who's been through exactly what you have.  And it bothers me when I notice that the focus of a "support group" strays from supporting one another in their necessarily individual struggles, hopes, goals and accomplishments, and instead zones in on trivial things that not only push themselves further away from the "outside" world, but build walls between their own members as well.