My poor little melon is having a rough go of it lately. I simply can't seem to remember anything, and on top of that my thoughts are even more of a jumbled mess than usual. It's really irritating and I have a feeling it's going to get me into trouble.
It almost did today, actually. I completely forgot, even though I reminded myself several times, to bring T's bow bouquet to work with me so she'd have it for her rehearsal this afternoon! Luckily hubs got my voicemail and is bringing it to work with him (we work near each other, but far from home, and the wedding venue is even farther from home) so I won't look like a total idiot at the rehearsal. Thank God! For a minute there I thought I'd have to run to the drugstore for bows and paper plates to try to re-create the thing.
Since most of my time lately is spent doing and thinking about wedding stuff, I haven't been talking very much about my feelings about my miscarriage. And I definitely still have feelings; don't think I'm trying to be "strong." I could probably talk about it forever, but people don't want to hear about sad things. But I'm going through it. I cry almost every day. I get choked up thinking about it and whenever someone who knows asks me how I'm doing I have to blink away the tears. I can't concentrate. It really fucking sucks. Speaking of which, the anger is starting to make its appearance now too. Seriously, what the hell??? A miscarriage after infertility is one of the sickest jokes Mother Nature can play.
Ugh... I don't know what to say. There's not enough room in my brain to hold all the thoughts and fears and emotions that are in there. I can't give them all equal attention. No wonder I can't remember a damn thing!
Oh P.S., I am still bleeding freely after 2 weeks. I hope these herbs start working and I'm not one of those women who bleeds for 6 weeks straight. I am OVER wearing pads!