I think I'm skipping 10 on Tuesday today. I'm just not feeling it.
I had a great weekend with the exception of having to work on Saturday. My home life has been pretty fantastic lately. I think after almost 4 years of marriage Hubs and I are finally starting to understand each other and express ourselves better. We're fighting less, we are more patient with each other, and we're more giving of ourselves. I like this.
If only my work life was so wonderful. I've been going nonstop for about 4 months straight now, and although the sudden tearful outbursts in my cubicle have subsided, I know I'm still stretched too thin. What really sucks is between all the extracurricular activities I have going on and generally not wanting to sit in front of a computer after I get home, I haven't been looking for a new job. I still get a couple of emails a day with job alerts, but I haven't applied for anything in weeks. There's really not much out there anyway, which makes it even more frustrating - knowing the one thing I could do to help myself right now probably won't help.
I guess I'm back to feeling STUCK. I don't know what to do. I think about a career change and taking a certification program of some kind, but what? And how do I afford that? And where do I find time to do that in addition to everything else? I don't have any answers.
Then there's the safety net option of trying to take a stress leave. Though I know that would be the nail in the coffin for me at work. Not that I want to stay here, but it means I'd have to find a new job while I was on leave because no one would respect me at work after I came back. They might even find a way to fire me. These thoughts freak me out at first glance, but when I imagine them actually happening the truth is I don't really care. It would almost be a relief. As long as I don't quit or get fired for cause I could take unemployment and Hubs and I would find a way to make it work.
My thoughts on the matter change daily based on my mood and state of mind, and today I'm leaning towards stress leave. It wouldn't hurt to just ask my doctor her thoughts, right? I think I'm going to call and make an appointment today. At least that would be something that could potentially help me out of this mess.