3.29.2011

To my limit

I think I'm skipping 10 on Tuesday today.  I'm just not feeling it.

I had a great weekend with the exception of having to work on Saturday.  My home life has been pretty fantastic lately.  I think after almost 4 years of marriage Hubs and I are finally starting to understand each other and express ourselves better.  We're fighting less, we are more patient with each other, and we're more giving of ourselves.  I like this.

If only my work life was so wonderful.  I've been going nonstop for about 4 months straight now, and although the sudden tearful outbursts in my cubicle have subsided, I know I'm still stretched too thin.  What really sucks is between all the extracurricular activities I have going on and generally not wanting to sit in front of a computer after I get home, I haven't been looking for a new job.  I still get a couple of emails a day with job alerts, but I haven't applied for anything in weeks.  There's really not much out there anyway, which makes it even more frustrating - knowing the one thing I could do to help myself right now probably won't help.

I guess I'm back to feeling STUCK.  I don't know what to do.  I think about a career change and taking a certification program of some kind, but what?  And how do I afford that?  And where do I find time to do that in addition to everything else?  I don't have any answers.

Then there's the safety net option of trying to take a stress leave.  Though I know that would be the nail in the coffin for me at work.  Not that I want to stay here, but it means I'd have to find a new job while I was on leave because no one would respect me at work after I came back.  They might even find a way to fire me.  These thoughts freak me out at first glance, but when I imagine them actually happening the truth is I don't really care.  It would almost be a relief.  As long as I don't quit or get fired for cause I could take unemployment and Hubs and I would find a way to make it work.

My thoughts on the matter change daily based on my mood and state of mind, and today I'm leaning towards stress leave.  It wouldn't hurt to just ask my doctor her thoughts, right?  I think I'm going to call and make an appointment today.  At least that would be something that could potentially help me out of this mess.

8 comments:

Alex said...

I don't know much about stress leave - not really sure how it works, but definitely ask your doctor. I hope things get better.

I love how you describe your home life. This is wonderful.

Steph O. said...

I hate feeling stuck. I've been there way too often. (((HUGS)))

You have the option of stress leave? Take it! No one other than mngmnt should know about it & if they find a reason to fire you for it, you have reason to sue. I hope your dr is able to help.

Kate said...

Hope your doc has some insight - you've got to start somewhere, right?

Sorry you're feeling stuck...

Misty Dawn said...

Stuck isn't a good way to feel. I know the job hunt is burdensome and i wouldn't feel like doing it either. Hopefully you'll find an answer soon.

Sweet Pea said...

Being stuck just sucks. I would go for the stress leave if you are able to swing it. Take a break, reacess your priorities and go from there.

Glad to hear the homelife is going swell : ) and all your extra fun activities too !

Heather said...

I don't think there's anything wrong with going and talking to the doctor. Just feeling out your options. it's your body and you know what's best for it. And if taking a stress leave is what you need then i say DO IT!

E said...

I've never heard of a stress leave. I can tell you when I was at the bank I was also going to school at night and planning a wedding. I needed a straight jacket after it was all said and done.

If you are miserable you have to find a way out. It will start affecting you in ways you never imagined.

elephantscanremember said...

I hope you can get unstuck very soon. (hugs) It is not a pleasant place to be, but I do think something will "click" very soon for you. ;)