9.21.2009

Back x2

Back from vacation and back from Summer Vacation!

I've been infection-free for about a month now, knock on wood, so if all stays well this month (AF is due next week) looks like I'll be back in the TTC saddle next month. Hubs and I did manage to get some FD action in around O time, so who knows? I'm not holding my breath though, I'll just be happy if my parts stay healthy for a little while. I really believe that whole mess was stress-related, and I'm determined to keep my stress levels lower from now on. Vacation helped a lot; coming back to work however, has definitely not! I do believe I'll be browsing for a new job very soon, I'm pretty much over this place. Waking up and absolutely DREADING the day doesn't do much for a healthy mental state.

I did a lot of thinking on vacation. No hardcore, soul-searching stuff, I just kind of let myself think, if that makes any sense. I wasn't trying to figure anything out or analyze anything, I just thought...

One thing I thought about was all the reasons I want to be a mom. There have been many times that I've wondered whether I really want a child, or if I just want the excitement of getting pregnant. Now I'm sure that I actually want children, not just a baby in the belly, and it's a strange relief to finally, and honestly, come to that realization.

I also thought about this whole TTC thing... and I think it's time to just let go; to realize I don't have any control over getting pregnant, and to just have fun with my husband. We'll still change our insurance at the end of the year, but I don't know yet when we'll pursue any fertility treatments. At least for now I'd like to just enjoy trying - for the first time since we started trying! It's just another facet of my high stress level that I need to mellow out on before I can add any more pressure to the situation.

Anyway, vacation was great, I'm feeling somewhat refreshed, and hopefully I can move forward with a new outlook now. :)

7 comments:

Lookingforaplussign said...

It sounds like you got just what you needed from the "break"--clarity. Congrats on the much needed time away from the spazziness of life, and welcome back!

E said...

Welcome back Kitty! I'm happy to hear you have been infection free and you were able to destress!

Misty Dawn said...

Welcome back!!! Enjoyed the pics from your vaca, thanks for sharing!

M said...

Hi Kitty! Welcome home! Glad to hear that you had a good trip and stay infection-free, WOO HOO!

Caitlin said...

So glad you are back! Looks and sounds like you had an awesome trip!

I can't *believe* you were in fort collins, though. That is 15 minutes away from me!

Pinkzombies said...

so glad your healthy *knock on wood*, lets go out to dinner and DRINKS!

Allison said...

Welcome back!!! Love the refreshing outlook!