Checking out

I've been kind of a lurker on the TTC boards for the past few days, and for the past several days have been feeling like I need to step back a bit. Like I've just been obsessing over TTC too much for my own good. So if I'm not posting much on there for a little while, that's why.

I'm trying to figure out how to get out what's on my mind, it's all a jumble right now. And please don't feel like anyone has to respond to this, this post is mostly cathartic for me today anyway.

It says in my profile (or at least it did, I might have taken it out) that I am "semi-depressive." Well that's true, I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety about 5 years ago. Took meds for a while but when we started TTC I went off them, and have been doing pretty well. I definitely have my ups and downs, but for several months now I've been pretty even-keeled.

The one thing that seems to be able to yank me right down off my cloud every time is "female problems." I used to get UTIs a lot about 5 years ago. Then the following year they went away and I started getting chronic YIs for a couple years. And I mean chronic. Every month to two months I'd get one, and they didn't respond to the usual meds, OTC or prescription. Later I also started getting BV, and when I didn't have infections I had unexplained itching, which was probably the worst of all.

It took lots of time, money and doctor's visits to finally get everything settled down, and for the past 2 or 3 years I've just had the odd YI here and there, which I finally figured out how to successfully treat.

But this YI feels like it's lingering. Either that or I'm just itchy. Either that or it's BV. Or a side effect of the medication (which is not the kind I normally take for YI)... See - this is why I'm going to the doctor today. Not because I feel particularly crummy, but because otherwise I will drive myself crazy worrying about everything that it MIGHT be, and googling everything I can think of.

Mostly I'm freaking out that the whole cycle is going to start all over again, and with the worst timing ever, since now we're TTC. And it's really starting to depress me. Hubs and I managed to BD a couple times over the weekend, but what if it gets worse? I am having a hard time drumming up enthusiasm for everyone else when I feel so icky, worried, and down. So I think I am going to take a few days so see what's up with me and then I will be back. Maybe I'll even feel better after my appointment this afternoon, and be back to myself again, who knows?

Hope everyone's Tuesday is going swimmingly :)


Anonymous said...


elephantscanremember said...

I hope you feel better very soon. (Hugs) We miss you on the board.

Emilly (webmd) said...

Was wondering about you! Hope you are feeling better soon!!! Take Care!

Allison said...

Adding in my ((((((((hugs))))))))

M said...

Kitty, there are just times in this whole IF craziness where you just need to focus on yourself and not worry about supporting others. We are here for you and we know you are here for us but if you can't be around for awhile, we understand!! (((HUGS))) I hope things turn around for you :)