5.12.2009

Pampers and granny panties

In honor of me being on day 2 of my cycle and the several others out there in blogland enjoying a visit from the hag as well, I'm dedicating this post to our dear pal, Aunt Flo.

Aunt Flo, I just want you to know that you suck. There is not one good thing about you.

I mean seriously. First of all, there's the cramps. Remember in elementary school when we learned about the menstrual cycle and they told us crap like "Your period doesn't hurt"? BULLSHIT. Most months I have to carry a bottle of Advil and a bottle of Extra Strength Tylenol with me everywhere I go. And yes, I take them together, for the first 3 days of my period. I'm sure more than one of you take prescriptions for the pain. Enough with the lies already! To those elementary/middle school health teachers I say, suck it!

Then there's the bloating, the bitchiness, the swelling of various body parts, and the emotions. There is no single pill to take care of all these things (but a martini or two sure helps me, I can't speak for the hubs though...).

You get to choose between a. shoving items of questionable safety into your body or b. sitting on pampers all day long (or in some cases both). I don't know about the rest of you, but neither of these options is particularly appealing to me.

You have to designate your most "comfortable" pair of granny panties (or 3) as your "period panties" to avoid ruining your "good" undies. And speaking of which - the risk of ruining other articles of clothing is extremely high!

If you don't have to avoid sex entirely, you have to avoid some of the more "fun" aspects of sex. Or you can choose to do it in the shower, which we all know can be fun, if somewhat dangerous (depending on the size of your shower. Mine is tiny!).

So Aunt Flo, kick rocks already. We'd all be happier without you. Well, for about 9 months at least.

7 comments:

elephantscanremember said...

Ditto that!

We do not need you to make yourself known every month. Stop intruding!

elephantscanremember said...

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!!!!!!!!!

Caitlin said...

LOL well put hun!

Seriously though...I have more than one pair of PP's...I can't express how much I h-a-t-e the wicked witch! Especially showing up on the worst possible day..

Steph O. said...

Well said! I agree!

She and her "posse" should stop ganging up on us & just go away for about 9 months!

Erin said...

LOL. Too funny. AF is a bitch!!!!!!!!!!!!! I hate her too! I have never had those "painless" periods. Ever.

M said...

You are too funny. The period panties part cracked me up because I seriously have designated period ones. All cotton, no lace, lol!

Allison said...

AMEN!

God, I hate AF.