Some of you saw my aunt's comment on FB last night (FYI she (obviously?) is not the same aunt who struggled with IF for 10 years herself). For those of you who didn't, my status was: "Kitty VD hates infertility. Even with strawberries. Now pass the vodka." (Who caught my Spa.ceb.alls reference?) My aunt's response was: "Did you ever stop to think alcohol might be a factor? Not that I know anything, just wondering."
Hmm. What I wanted to respond with was, "If that's the case, thousands of products of drunken one night stands are going to demand a recount." But I chickened out.
My decision to be open about my infertility was made consciously. To be honest, part of that reason is because I need support from my friends and family, and for the most part I get it. I do realize that when I post things on FB about infertility there's a chance someone's going to say something incredibly ignorant and hurtful, and I choose to take that chance. Actually, I welcome those comments - on FB, that is. If someone said what my aunt said to my face I'd be shocked. On FB I have time to gather my thoughts, to determine whether the person is ignorant and needs to be educated, or whether they're a real asshole. Knowing what I do about my aunt, I can conclude she is merely (albeit hugely) ignorant, and a bit overly cautious. (For the record, I did NOT drown my sorrows in a bottle of vodka last night. I had 2 Miller Lites and a bowl of ice cream.)
I do want to reply to her, though, because her comment made me think of the term "the stigma of infertility." Maybe I've been sheltered, but I'm just starting to understand that it really exists! Isn't it awful that when some people hear you can't have kids, their minds immediately go to, "you must be doing something wrong"? You must be overly stressed, you must drink too much, you must not be "doing it" right, you must not be gardening enough, you must not be praying hard enough, you must have done (or not done) something to deserve this. I'm amazed that more people don't assume a medical problem could possibly be the culprit. And I feel that those people need - nay! - they are CRYING OUT to be educated. And if I don't try to set them straight I can't complain about their ignorance, right?
So before I reply to my aunt, I wanted to post this and get your opinions. Sort of help me gather my thoughts. I am going to be very diplomatic about it, I won't be rude or snarky (even though I want to be), so keep that in mind when I ask, what would you like to say to someone in this situation? What, to you, would be important information to convey?