After Sunday's OPK, I really thought yesterday I'd get a big ol' positive, but NOPE. It was about the same as Sunday, although maybe showing up a little slower. Oy. It seems unlikely that I would have gone from a blaring negative on Friday to a definite positive on Saturday (when I forgot to POAS) but now I'm stressing that I might have missed it. BUT! What can I do? We DTD on Sunday and last night regardless, and I guess I'll just have to wait and see what today throws at me. Don't you just love this TTC game???
Not too long ago I took some quiz on FB called something like, "are you right-brained or left-brained?" My results were exactly 50/50, and one of the things the explanation of my results said was that I probably have a hard time making decisions because I tend to consider all sides of my choices equally. And okay, I know a FB quiz isn't very likely to give me insight into the depths of my soul or anything, but in this case I think there was a lot of truth to it. For one, yes, my entire life I've had a hard time making decisions, even seemingly simple ones - like, what should I make for dinner tonight? Ridiculous, right?
Well, maybe it's ridiculous but it causes me a TON of stress that I can't make up my mind about stuff. For example, I managed to decide, after a couple weeks of thinking about it, that I wouldn't attend hubs's cousin's bridal shower this Saturday. Hubs was gone most of last week, and I'm going to be gone all next weekend, so I wanted to spend this Saturday and Sunday with him. Okay good, problem solved! But then last night my brother texts me and says it's my grandma's birthday on Saturday and did I want to drive the 3 hours with him and my 18 month old niece to go visit her? D'oh! Yes, of course I want to see my grams, but hubs can't come along because he's working until 1:30, and if I go we won't be home until 9:00 so I wouldn't be able to spend ANY time with him that day. On the other hand, I feel guilty that I haven't seen my grandma since her birthday last year. On the THIRD hand (yeah, welcome to my brain), my cousins will be there with their 1 year old baby too and, well, you know how that is.
Guilt is a major source of my stress and anxiety, and I feel guilty about EVERYTHING. So I can't decide which is the right vs. wrong choice. I woke up feeling totally anxious, my mind was racing as I got ready for work, and I started crying when I talked to hubs (or rather TRIED to, as spoken words don't come to me nearly as easily as written) about everything that was going through my head. It's overwhelming and I don't know how to make it stop! Thank goodness I still have my Rx for Xa.nax. I am leaning towards not going, but I just wish I could have some peace with that decision.
Sorry, I know this is all so lame. How about I get a REAL problem or something? ;) I just had to let it out!