3.02.2010

Stupid OPKs and my stupid brain

After Sunday's OPK, I really thought yesterday I'd get a big ol' positive, but NOPE. It was about the same as Sunday, although maybe showing up a little slower. Oy. It seems unlikely that I would have gone from a blaring negative on Friday to a definite positive on Saturday (when I forgot to POAS) but now I'm stressing that I might have missed it. BUT! What can I do? We DTD on Sunday and last night regardless, and I guess I'll just have to wait and see what today throws at me. Don't you just love this TTC game???

*********************************************************************
Not too long ago I took some quiz on FB called something like, "are you right-brained or left-brained?" My results were exactly 50/50, and one of the things the explanation of my results said was that I probably have a hard time making decisions because I tend to consider all sides of my choices equally. And okay, I know a FB quiz isn't very likely to give me insight into the depths of my soul or anything, but in this case I think there was a lot of truth to it. For one, yes, my entire life I've had a hard time making decisions, even seemingly simple ones - like, what should I make for dinner tonight? Ridiculous, right?

Well, maybe it's ridiculous but it causes me a TON of stress that I can't make up my mind about stuff. For example, I managed to decide, after a couple weeks of thinking about it, that I wouldn't attend hubs's cousin's bridal shower this Saturday. Hubs was gone most of last week, and I'm going to be gone all next weekend, so I wanted to spend this Saturday and Sunday with him. Okay good, problem solved! But then last night my brother texts me and says it's my grandma's birthday on Saturday and did I want to drive the 3 hours with him and my 18 month old niece to go visit her? D'oh! Yes, of course I want to see my grams, but hubs can't come along because he's working until 1:30, and if I go we won't be home until 9:00 so I wouldn't be able to spend ANY time with him that day. On the other hand, I feel guilty that I haven't seen my grandma since her birthday last year. On the THIRD hand (yeah, welcome to my brain), my cousins will be there with their 1 year old baby too and, well, you know how that is.

Guilt is a major source of my stress and anxiety, and I feel guilty about EVERYTHING. So I can't decide which is the right vs. wrong choice. I woke up feeling totally anxious, my mind was racing as I got ready for work, and I started crying when I talked to hubs (or rather TRIED to, as spoken words don't come to me nearly as easily as written) about everything that was going through my head. It's overwhelming and I don't know how to make it stop! Thank goodness I still have my Rx for Xa.nax. I am leaning towards not going, but I just wish I could have some peace with that decision.

Sorry, I know this is all so lame. How about I get a REAL problem or something? ;) I just had to let it out!

7 comments:

Sweet Pea said...

I think you should just leave town and go on a vacation...that would solve it all !

Kate said...

I'm sorry you're stressing! I understand being torn and feeling guilty, but it sounds to me like the decision is already made - you want to spend the weekend with your Hubs so that's what you should do.

You can always visit family when he's gone and it will be better to see them one-on-one than in a party situation where you don't really get to visit much... Plus, you get to avoid the new baby stress if you go another time.

HTH...

Heather said...

I agree with sweet pea, get out and away!

Allison said...

Hey, that Kate's pretty smart. That sounds like a great plan - and you can get some quality time with your grams that way.

If I haven't said it in a while (and I think I have) TTC and IF SUCK.

Misty Dawn said...

Why don't you do a poll on your blog and let us help you out? I think what you originally planned with DH and the wedding and not seeing Grams w/babies is not a good thing to put yourself through. I'd try to make arrangements to go on a diff day where the center of attention won't be babies JMO But I'd rather be at a wedding with DH then with my Grams and babies. LOL

E said...

I seem to run into this problem myself quite often....

Well, If you do go, don't stay long or just go before the shower and drop off a gift and say you have other plans that can't be canciled?

-my husband grows cotton- said...

I also agree with SweetPea...go on vacation ;) If it was only that easy.