I'm a little down in the dumps today. Probably it's the PMS. That and it's Monday, which is never a good thing when you dread going to work.
That's one of the big things - I wouldn't say I hate my job, but I definitely dread it. Remember that monster.com commercial that showed people getting out of bed before dawn, running outside with their shields and weapons to "fight Monday"? Yeah. That's how I feel. Only I feel like that every morning, not just on Mondays. It's just that: 1.My job is a terrible fit for me and 2. It's boring as hell. Sigh... I really should start looking for a new job. Either that or go back to school. I just don't know. I can't wait until my vacation!!
Then, naturally, there's the whole IF thing. Even though we're on a break, I've been really pessimistic about TTC lately. I just feel like it's never going to happen. Yes, I am impatient, I know. I mean, we haven't even seen an RE yet. Maybe I'm just feeling sorry for myself that it ever had to come to this point. At any rate, it sucks.
And to top it all off, my vajay issues are making me insane. I used my last dose of meds last night so I SHOULD be feeling fine today, but I'm itchy. I am hoping it's just the meds causing irritation, but I can't tell. My YI trick has worked every time I've used it before (which has been LOTS of times), but I'm always paranoid that something has changed, the yeast have grown immune, and that this time it won't work. Then I'll be really screwed because nothing else has ever worked either.
Maybe I'll be better off admitting (and, God help me, accepting) that I can't always have control over things. Sometimes not even a sliver of control. Then I could just do what I can to take care of myself and the hubs, and trust that everything else will somehow be taken care of too. Is anyone able to do that? If so, can someone please show me how?
Ugh. My brain just needs to quiet down for a while.