I'm a little down in the dumps today. Probably it's the PMS. That and it's Monday, which is never a good thing when you dread going to work.

That's one of the big things - I wouldn't say I hate my job, but I definitely dread it. Remember that monster.com commercial that showed people getting out of bed before dawn, running outside with their shields and weapons to "fight Monday"? Yeah. That's how I feel. Only I feel like that every morning, not just on Mondays. It's just that: 1.My job is a terrible fit for me and 2. It's boring as hell. Sigh... I really should start looking for a new job. Either that or go back to school. I just don't know. I can't wait until my vacation!!

Then, naturally, there's the whole IF thing. Even though we're on a break, I've been really pessimistic about TTC lately. I just feel like it's never going to happen. Yes, I am impatient, I know. I mean, we haven't even seen an RE yet. Maybe I'm just feeling sorry for myself that it ever had to come to this point. At any rate, it sucks.

And to top it all off, my vajay issues are making me insane. I used my last dose of meds last night so I SHOULD be feeling fine today, but I'm itchy. I am hoping it's just the meds causing irritation, but I can't tell. My YI trick has worked every time I've used it before (which has been LOTS of times), but I'm always paranoid that something has changed, the yeast have grown immune, and that this time it won't work. Then I'll be really screwed because nothing else has ever worked either.

Maybe I'll be better off admitting (and, God help me, accepting) that I can't always have control over things. Sometimes not even a sliver of control. Then I could just do what I can to take care of myself and the hubs, and trust that everything else will somehow be taken care of too. Is anyone able to do that? If so, can someone please show me how?

Ugh. My brain just needs to quiet down for a while.


Erin said...

*Hugs* Kitty.

But, that is the thing, we SHOULD have control over our own fertility. That is what sucks so freakin bad about IF. It's like a disease and we don't have control over it.

I'm sorry about your YI issues. I really wish the docs could help you.

I might end up going back to school myself.

-my husband grows cotton- said...


I am so sorry you are down. I hope you are able to find a job that you really like and challenges you.

And Yolanda just needs to take a hike. Forever.

Hope the time flies up until your vaca!

Allison said...


If someone has a magic cure for accepting a lack of control, she should market the hell out of it. She'll make millions.

Sorry your brain is giving you the run-around. I hate that. More (((hugs)))