That would be, "What the FRENCH, Toast?" for the laymen.
I feel horrible, not to mention very embarrassed, for whining last night about AF because it now appears she STILL hasn't arrived. Thank you everyone for your sympathy, and I'm sorry I'm a big fat gun-jumping baby! Feel free to ignore me when I whine again later today, tomorrow, or whenever it is that she actually decides to show up. At that point I'll just go back and read your very nice comments again to console myself.
So here's what happened:
Yesterday I got home, went to the RR and when I wiped saw a bunch of darker-than-usual CM. That's what I took to mean AF was imminent, because I figured it must be dark due to spotting. A logical assumption, and given the cramps I've had for the past three days, normally I would be right on the money. Later, my CM looked distinctly yellowish and AF-free, but it's not strange for me to spot for a bit, then nothing, then BAM - AF.
So I used the Diva Cup. It only took me half an hour to get it in, during which time I managed to poke and scratch myself several times with my fingernails. I took it out once (to make sure I could) and it was streaked with a little bright red blood. At that point I had no idea if the blood was from scratching myself so many times or from AF. I had hubs check me out, but he couldn't see anything. So I assumed the latter, stuck the thing back in and went to bed.
This morning I clipped my nails (KEY for anyone thinking of trying the DC, and my nails aren't even that long! They really should put that in the instructions.) and then removed the cup. A big ol' blob of normal-colored CM and not a trace of blood. *Slaps hand to forehead.* WTH???
So now my hopes are all up to high heaven, which of course is a VERY BAD THING. It's CD30 and I have no idea when I Oed, best guess is CD16. I still have cramps coming and going and feel like AF is right around the corner. That witch better just hurry the FT up!